My Trip Home & My Mom.......very long sorry

[Hound dog]

Witz, that's exactly what I've been mulling over every since I got home. Having a parent with schizophrenia has never been a picnic by any means. I was lucky enough to get several good years with her. I will cherish those forever as I never imagined I'd get that much. But this situation with mom.........well, shoot, I guess I should have at least thought about the possibility long ago because it's caught me with my pants down so to speak and I'm sitting here thinking about boundaries and what I'm willing and not willing to do. If I'm not up to it, I'm smart enough to walk away from it.

I don't give a rat's behind about Mom's money, I could even care less if there was no money to inherit regardless of my own financial situation. I've told her to keep it and use it more than once.

This weekend she gave me the one thing she had that I wanted..........a cute little inexpensive (at the time) german barometer that is fashioned as Hansel & Gretel (sp) and the witch.....if it's going to be a nice day the kids are out of the little house........if it's going to rain......the witch is out. Still works too by the way. Mom gave that to a man who was very special to me during the first years of my life for his birthday. In turn my grandma received it upon his death. I grew up with this little barometer and always loved it. Mom gave it to me because it had been special to me. When we transported it home we treated it like it was the most valuable & fragile thing on earth. (yes, I really am that easy to please LOL ) Now when I look at it in it's place of honor on my mantel, it triggers happy memories of both Cal and my grandma.

 

[Star*]

Okay I see but what if you convinced her someone was going to SECURELY guard her property? Brother, ADT - (and don't even go there with me on that since I work with them all day long now) but if she thought someone was guarding her possessions? Would she go?

I think you're going to need to do that - AND follow a list of things like DDD suggested. Because if your premenitions are on spot.....sad as it is - you may not HAVE the time you think you do to do all the things you think you do. (yeah say that 3x fast) - If they are off? Then you're well prepared for something that is sure to come to us all - and in time your Mother also, BUT you for once will have the upper hand having made all the inquiries and plans. (best that you can)

I feel so badly for you. I really do- NO ONE should have to bury a child or have a parent with a mental illness...I'm not sure how far to the right or left you have to bend your head before you can see the complete blessing in either -----but it will come with time - and if you have some kind of plan a., plan b. I really think you'll be happier and able to enjoy the important things - once the "legal" things are put to rest.

Hugs

 

[Hound dog]

Star, my Mom won't even trust a lock smith. Yes, I'm serious. (they all make copies of keys to the locks they give you and come rob you blind, don'tcha know?) She won't go for a security company. Same reason.

I'd rather deal with just about any other thing than paranoia as it's really hard to get around.

I'm copying DDDs list as I think it's great and will help me to remember what to do. As far as assets and such, heaven only knows if I'll get any cooperation, or if anyone will. (I can see about ten different ways such inquiries can be taken) .

I've already seen the benefits of having a parent with a mental illness, and surprisingly, there are more than you think. This situation is certainly not one of them.

But I tell myself that if I could handle my Mom showing up on my doorstep looking like a stark raving lunatic with half a million in cash stuffed in her purse........and her unwilling to tell me for hours where it came from (you can only imagine what was going through my mind)........

Unfortunately, life with Mom has been anything but boring.

 

[Star*]

She's got a 1/2 a million BUCKS.......? And she's worried about WHAT? ((((((OKAY now I see why she's afraid to leave her house))))))))) - LORD I only have $32.51 in my piggy bank and I hid IT when DF went out of town.....GOOP GOOGLY GOOOoooooooooo.

 

[Hound dog]

LOL Star...........she only cleared out some of the accounts stepdad had, he had several other joint accts and many more accounts in his name only........and I strongly suspect they had triple that as a total. Now, truth be told, his kidscleared out quite a bit of that (illegally), but Mom did manage to get back what had been in joint accounts. I just don't have up to date totals, she showed up on my doorstep with that cash more than 20 yrs ago. But I know stepdad was a tightwad with a capitol T and made Mom look generous because he was terrified of being broke in his old age. Stepdad had pulled some fast ones on her when he was diagnosed terminal.......so those totals could be mind staggering or just comfortable. But the man had enough money that the credit union didn't make a stink when he shifted joint funds into private funds. Which is how my kids lost their college funds. I'm still not sure how that got managed because those accts were in my kids names with their SS numbers and Mom as the guardian or whatever, his name was no where on them. So yeah, oddly enough that kind of money. He was not only a very well paid house painter (jack of all construction sort of guy too) who was a workaholic, he was also the treasurer for the union and I suspected for years was diverting funds not only to himself but others as he always kept his office and the file cabinet pertaining to union business locked up tight. But my hometown police can be bought off so it wouldn't have mattered much if he'd been caught anyway.

I can only judge by monies Mom has been generous with since his death after all that mess with the credit union was "fixed" in court. Mom is also a tightwad who doesn't waste or just hand over cash.....yet with what I've seen her doing, well, she'd have to be pretty comfortable to be giving that much out. Otherwise she'd be holding onto it tight. But she never has so much as hinted to what the total amount would be, even when straight out asked. She either changes the subject or just says she's got no worries. I guess after what stepdad's kids did to her she has good reason to be paranoid over that sort of thing.

 

[DDD]

Hound, do I remember correctly that your Mom has an Attorney that she trusts? Didn't she take her computer to her attorney to hire someone to explore her hard drive for her?

I completely understand that you don't want any money. by the way, I smiled reading about your gift...I only wanted a few sentimental things from my parents estate. I was in charge of both parents estates and was so happy that my parents had written down the odds and ends I wanted. on the other hand I sadly know how heirs get totally weird and very possessive after a death even when they already have more than they need. It's U G L Y.

For her sake it's best to get the ducks in a row..if possible. Hugs DDD