Nikimoto
Pursuit of peace
I am new here, and really love what I have been reading in the means of support mostly, but also the facts that there are similar spots in everyone's stories to mine.
As painful as this is, thanks for letting me share. I really need a hug.
My middle son of 5 kids (let's call him E.) just turned 18 on New Years' Day, and had moved out last July on my eldest son's offer to take guardianship in an attempt to defuse a highly volatile situation. I married his stepdad when E was 11, moved to a new state, had his half sister, no step siblings, no real hurdles in his cognitive abilities. He was the normal, placid kid he had mostly been his entire life, but soon began to lose his damn mind over nothing, and trivial things, and was basically our very own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Although he had argued and struggled with homework early in gradeschool, we had him counseled and ADD and related issues were entirely ruled out. That was a relief and also a problem, as were left without any diagnosis. We took him counseling through our medical, but the lady wanted me to take responsibility for his behavior, instead of teaching him to, instead of backing me up. She also seemed unable to discern when he was lying, though I told her so. She seemed to believe that he was not allowed time to do homework, instead of the truth I told her about his time wasting. That was a bust.
We then took him to a different counselor we had been seeing for marriage issues, as he mentioned he spoke with teen boys, and met with group therapy for teen boys, seemed like a good chance E would be interested in meeting him, which he was. Started out strong, counselor called him out on lying and arguing, which he responded to with respect and warmth, and actually said he loved talking to him. I had a glimmer of hope, but his deranged activities simply spiraled out of control due to his purposeful misinterpretation of even the things the counselor told him.
The things he would pick a fight over/wage a standoff were in short:
Getting his dirty clothes into the laundry
Spending too much time on the toilet (Hours, the seat is worn through)
Showering for nearly an hour unless we shut off the valve
Coming to meals/helping to prepare or cook
Doing any assigned chores...dishes, yard work, cleaning his own room
Doing homework
Doing anything
Being civil
Behaving like a human
And, when we would call him on these very petty things, his reply was to blow up LOUDLY and insult us, me especially, and argue belligerently for hours though we would attempt to send him to his room or tell him to take a walk.
By 3 years ago, we also had his baby brother, so there two tiny kids to be careful of in our house, and he did not give one
about them, continuing to rampage abusively, arguing, name calling, slamming doors, anything to be loud loud loud. He did not even care they were screaming and crying, we finally had to start calling the cops.
I was at a loss and told the counselor I was becoming desperate, begging him to give our son a diagnosis and tell me what was wrong with him, or at least help him more firmly as it seemed like he was taking our complaints lightly. He looked at me for a long moment and said nothing. Nothing is wrong with him. It was such a desolate moment. I believe I whispered "Wow" under my breath, and fought back tears as I left the room, never to return.
E's biodad was like this, so much. Although I am pro life, I was sorely tempted to seek an abortion after we broke up due to my fear this kid would behave the same way. This is the thanks I get. To be treated like garbage by the child I have loved and spoiled and cared for 18 years.
The police calls were based on but not limited to:
Raging
Refusing to clean up a water spill/leave the room/leave the house to defuse, where the water spill caused my toddler son to slip and injure his skull.
J-run 2x, after picking fights and being excused from the dinner table, refusing to come home
Getting too rough with his kid sister, dropping her face down on a hard floor, slapping her back excessively when she coughed until she was red and crying, she always seemed to get hurt 'accidentally' when they played together. (he is nearly 6 feet the past few years, with extensively long limbs, very large hands, his kid sister is tiny for her age, 25th %ile)
Forging my name to donate blood at school, though I would have signed
Breaking into closed areas of the house where he had abused priviledges/raging
Theft...theft...theft...ug...
Mostly it was all raging and refusing to defuse, to recognize the argument was nowhere and needed to end.
Now he has been with eldest brother for over 7 months, and is still not doing his homework, getting terrible grades. No word on whether he is asked to pitch in with chores or cook or do anything, really. Just got a nasty post on Facebook last night calling me a 'tumor' he would have cut off sooner if his younger siblings didn't matter to him. He then declared we were no longer mother and son, and at this point after careful consideration, think it's necessary to include this into a living will should anything happen to us before our little ones are grown.
As unfathomable as this all is, A small part of me remembers the real person he used to be. I have not ruled out the possibility of drug use, just haven't seen it outside of he came home hungover a few times, and we saw pass an ecig to one of his derelict friends at a park when he was supposed to be at Judo, which he got kicked out for grades and attitude.
The years of concerned teacher calls and conferences are over, I ordered him strictly to leave us alone or face being sued for slander and harassment.
Utterly baffled and heartbroken.
As painful as this is, thanks for letting me share. I really need a hug.
My middle son of 5 kids (let's call him E.) just turned 18 on New Years' Day, and had moved out last July on my eldest son's offer to take guardianship in an attempt to defuse a highly volatile situation. I married his stepdad when E was 11, moved to a new state, had his half sister, no step siblings, no real hurdles in his cognitive abilities. He was the normal, placid kid he had mostly been his entire life, but soon began to lose his damn mind over nothing, and trivial things, and was basically our very own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Although he had argued and struggled with homework early in gradeschool, we had him counseled and ADD and related issues were entirely ruled out. That was a relief and also a problem, as were left without any diagnosis. We took him counseling through our medical, but the lady wanted me to take responsibility for his behavior, instead of teaching him to, instead of backing me up. She also seemed unable to discern when he was lying, though I told her so. She seemed to believe that he was not allowed time to do homework, instead of the truth I told her about his time wasting. That was a bust.
We then took him to a different counselor we had been seeing for marriage issues, as he mentioned he spoke with teen boys, and met with group therapy for teen boys, seemed like a good chance E would be interested in meeting him, which he was. Started out strong, counselor called him out on lying and arguing, which he responded to with respect and warmth, and actually said he loved talking to him. I had a glimmer of hope, but his deranged activities simply spiraled out of control due to his purposeful misinterpretation of even the things the counselor told him.
The things he would pick a fight over/wage a standoff were in short:
Getting his dirty clothes into the laundry
Spending too much time on the toilet (Hours, the seat is worn through)
Showering for nearly an hour unless we shut off the valve
Coming to meals/helping to prepare or cook
Doing any assigned chores...dishes, yard work, cleaning his own room
Doing homework
Doing anything
Being civil
Behaving like a human
And, when we would call him on these very petty things, his reply was to blow up LOUDLY and insult us, me especially, and argue belligerently for hours though we would attempt to send him to his room or tell him to take a walk.
By 3 years ago, we also had his baby brother, so there two tiny kids to be careful of in our house, and he did not give one
about them, continuing to rampage abusively, arguing, name calling, slamming doors, anything to be loud loud loud. He did not even care they were screaming and crying, we finally had to start calling the cops.I was at a loss and told the counselor I was becoming desperate, begging him to give our son a diagnosis and tell me what was wrong with him, or at least help him more firmly as it seemed like he was taking our complaints lightly. He looked at me for a long moment and said nothing. Nothing is wrong with him. It was such a desolate moment. I believe I whispered "Wow" under my breath, and fought back tears as I left the room, never to return.
E's biodad was like this, so much. Although I am pro life, I was sorely tempted to seek an abortion after we broke up due to my fear this kid would behave the same way. This is the thanks I get. To be treated like garbage by the child I have loved and spoiled and cared for 18 years.
The police calls were based on but not limited to:
Raging
Refusing to clean up a water spill/leave the room/leave the house to defuse, where the water spill caused my toddler son to slip and injure his skull.
J-run 2x, after picking fights and being excused from the dinner table, refusing to come home
Getting too rough with his kid sister, dropping her face down on a hard floor, slapping her back excessively when she coughed until she was red and crying, she always seemed to get hurt 'accidentally' when they played together. (he is nearly 6 feet the past few years, with extensively long limbs, very large hands, his kid sister is tiny for her age, 25th %ile)
Forging my name to donate blood at school, though I would have signed
Breaking into closed areas of the house where he had abused priviledges/raging
Theft...theft...theft...ug...
Mostly it was all raging and refusing to defuse, to recognize the argument was nowhere and needed to end.
Now he has been with eldest brother for over 7 months, and is still not doing his homework, getting terrible grades. No word on whether he is asked to pitch in with chores or cook or do anything, really. Just got a nasty post on Facebook last night calling me a 'tumor' he would have cut off sooner if his younger siblings didn't matter to him. He then declared we were no longer mother and son, and at this point after careful consideration, think it's necessary to include this into a living will should anything happen to us before our little ones are grown.
As unfathomable as this all is, A small part of me remembers the real person he used to be. I have not ruled out the possibility of drug use, just haven't seen it outside of he came home hungover a few times, and we saw pass an ecig to one of his derelict friends at a park when he was supposed to be at Judo, which he got kicked out for grades and attitude.
The years of concerned teacher calls and conferences are over, I ordered him strictly to leave us alone or face being sued for slander and harassment.
Utterly baffled and heartbroken.
Perhaps we're the softer targets.
