Helix -
I am so very very sorry you and your son are having to deal with this. I know the absolute gut punch this must be for you. I hope by now you have gotten some answers from staff.
I've been there done that with my son. A couple of thoughts I'd like to share with you based on our experiences, but first, I want to make it absolutely clear that I am NOT excusing this behavior. It shouldn't happen - in a perfect world. We do not live in a perfect world, especially when we're talking about mentally ill kids. Additionally, it is *absolutely* inexcusable that you have not been able to speak with staff about this. I find that more alarming than the incident itself. Let me explain....
For a lot of us, hypersexuality in our kids is part of program. Bipolar kids especially can be hypersexual starting at very young ages (3 in our case). Put a group of mentally ill kids together and you *will* have sexualized behavior. Period. Any Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that is doing its job should have a SACY (sexually aggressive children and youth - a term used in 2000, so they may have changed it by now, but you get the idea) policy, and it's something I always recommend parents to ask about as they view potential treatment centers. It's an uncomfortable topic for some folks (myself included at the time), but again, unfortunately, sexualized behavior is not uncommon with some of our kids, even in non-Residential Treatment Center (RTC) settings.
The good RTCs my son was in had very specific policies in place, and they were followed. It did not prevent the behaviors, but it did allow for swift intervention and further prevention for/from the offenders and victims. They also did not admit kids who were known to be predatory (there are some RTCs that cater specifically to the more severe SACY population).
Realistically, it takes a split second for an incident of touching to occur. To expect staff to have eyes on every single client 24/7 is unrealistic. on the other hand, if the alleged offender has a history of this behavior, he should have been on "eyes on" supervision. It is done (or at least it was done 10 years ago).
You son's age is difficult. He is right on the cusp of being a teen, and I can understand why he was put on a teen unit. on the other hand, from your first post I kind of get the feeling he might be a very young 12-year-old, so.... it would have been equally reasonable for them to put him on the younger kids' unit first as well. But - they may have been trying to ascertain his level of function.... I don't know.
Our most serious incident of sexual behavior occurred when my son was in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that treated only kids from ages 6-12. He was 12 at the time (had been there 3 years), and his unit had kids aged 10-12. The story has changed so many times over the years that I don't really know for sure if my son was victim or willing participant, or even the specifics of the incident. I'm as confident as I can get about anything from those dark years that he was not the aggressor. DCFS was called in to investigate by the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), within hours, and I was notified immediately as well. Because DCFS deemed the incident "consensual" (don't ask, I still can't wrap my head around that one) between two 12-year-olds, the investigation was closed. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) put both kids on "eyes on" supervision. I was comfortable with the interventions staff put in place, but I had the benefit of having worked with them already for 3 years - I knew them very well, and they knew me and my family very well, and I trusted them completely. I still think that trust was well placed.
I think your Residential Treatment Center (RTC) acted properly in moving him to another unit. I'm utterly dumbfounded that they didn't contact you *immediately*. I would definitely ask them what their policy is on notifying parents of incidents of any type - violence, illness, sexual behavior - any and everything you can think of.
Just based on our experience, police are not going to act here (you've got 2 minors receiving mental health treatment, and heaven knows what the background of the alleged offender is). If the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is unable to address your concerns (and maybe even if they are able to), a call to DCFS (or CPS or whatever it's call in your state) would be the way to go. Was this an isolated incident, or it is a red flag that staff is not following appropriate protocols?
Yes, your son has the right to be protected. Gosh, I hate to even type this, but I think it really needs to be said. He has the right to be protected to the best of staff's ability. That does not mean he will be safe 100% of the time. You know the behaviors you have been dealing with at home, and you know that you have been unable to protect yourself or the rest of the family 24/7, just as I was unable to protect myself or my family, just like a lot of us weren't able to. This could just as easily have been an incident of violence where your son got caught in another kid's rage, or it could have been an incident of him getting harmed during his own raging. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff should be trained on how to handle *all* of these types of situations, but even the very best RTCs cannot guarantee there will never be an incident. To my eye, the more important issue is how they handle the incident and what measures are instituted to prevent a repeat in the future.
I'm sorry. I've read and re-read this to try to make it gentler, softer. I truly remember the nausea I had when we had to deal with this, the disbelief, the wanting to hold someone (other than the children) accountable. Again, because I trusted staff implicitly and we already had a long history of working together, I probably didn't flip out nearly as much as I would've with a new Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but still... it was pretty awful.
I hope you are able to get some answers.
Gentle hugs to you.
