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Family of Origin
Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759731" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I understand totally what you are saying. My mother was this way too. I guess what I wanted to say was this: There has to be someplace for us to stand whole. Without abuse.</p><p></p><p>On some level caring for mothers who continue to abuse us, is to submit to abuse, even if we choose to care for them. This is like a double bind. We still seek the love of the person who hurt us, and in caring for them Indirectly we keep choosing to submit to more abuse. Even if your mother is not now abusing you, the fact that she has set up this horrible betrayal, everything within the relationship on some level is defined by it. It's like you put your head in a guillotine in order to help her.</p><p></p><p>I don't think I am being too dramatic. I think this is really how it is. We betray ourselves to help them. And yet we would do no other thing if they are vulnerable. It's a horrible mess. I truly, truly think I get it.</p><p></p><p>I think Runaway Bunny who is the site administrator may have moved your post to a new thread. Maybe you can post here on this site, and we will be your witnesses, and this can be your safe place to stand. The woman who began this thread has been gone for several years now. But I bet that there are at least several of us who have gone through the same or similar.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759731, member: 18958"] I understand totally what you are saying. My mother was this way too. I guess what I wanted to say was this: There has to be someplace for us to stand whole. Without abuse. On some level caring for mothers who continue to abuse us, is to submit to abuse, even if we choose to care for them. This is like a double bind. We still seek the love of the person who hurt us, and in caring for them Indirectly we keep choosing to submit to more abuse. Even if your mother is not now abusing you, the fact that she has set up this horrible betrayal, everything within the relationship on some level is defined by it. It's like you put your head in a guillotine in order to help her. I don't think I am being too dramatic. I think this is really how it is. We betray ourselves to help them. And yet we would do no other thing if they are vulnerable. It's a horrible mess. I truly, truly think I get it. I think Runaway Bunny who is the site administrator may have moved your post to a new thread. Maybe you can post here on this site, and we will be your witnesses, and this can be your safe place to stand. The woman who began this thread has been gone for several years now. But I bet that there are at least several of us who have gone through the same or similar. [/QUOTE]
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Never disinherit your kid
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