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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 747309" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Hi Gma- Glad you're here, but wish you didn't have to be. I'm a grandma too, and extremely close to my granddaughter, whose father is not involved. My daughter and I joke that I'm her baby daddy, but basically I function in that role. It is extremely difficult and painful sometimes. Fortunately my daughter, who has at times been horrible to me, does not keep my granddaughter from me as she knows it is a good relationship for both of us. I did kick her out of my house when my granddaughter was an infant and it was horrible, but I will never let her live with me again. I encourage you to learn about healthy boundaries and start working on them. Realize that your daughter will likely ramp up her negative behavior when you do, as these adult kids are used to functioning by manipulation. When I started enforcing boundaries with my daughter including no financial help other than buying things for my granddaughter, hanging up the phone or walking away when she was disrespectful and doing nothing to enable her immature behavior (enabling=doing something for an adult they are capable of doing for themselves) she lost her freaking mind. She would call over and over and leave screaming messages, etc. I learned to shut off my phones and focus on myself and my health and well-being. I've learned to do things to keep myself busy when she's in a bad place. I walk with my dogs in nature, go to a movie, go shopping, color, whatever to keep my focus on me and not her and her disasters. Her behavior is up and down, as is her alcoholism. But I manage to maintain my peace of mind a majority of the time, but I surely understand your worry over your grandchildren. Sending peace to you on this difficult journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 747309, member: 11235"] Hi Gma- Glad you're here, but wish you didn't have to be. I'm a grandma too, and extremely close to my granddaughter, whose father is not involved. My daughter and I joke that I'm her baby daddy, but basically I function in that role. It is extremely difficult and painful sometimes. Fortunately my daughter, who has at times been horrible to me, does not keep my granddaughter from me as she knows it is a good relationship for both of us. I did kick her out of my house when my granddaughter was an infant and it was horrible, but I will never let her live with me again. I encourage you to learn about healthy boundaries and start working on them. Realize that your daughter will likely ramp up her negative behavior when you do, as these adult kids are used to functioning by manipulation. When I started enforcing boundaries with my daughter including no financial help other than buying things for my granddaughter, hanging up the phone or walking away when she was disrespectful and doing nothing to enable her immature behavior (enabling=doing something for an adult they are capable of doing for themselves) she lost her freaking mind. She would call over and over and leave screaming messages, etc. I learned to shut off my phones and focus on myself and my health and well-being. I've learned to do things to keep myself busy when she's in a bad place. I walk with my dogs in nature, go to a movie, go shopping, color, whatever to keep my focus on me and not her and her disasters. Her behavior is up and down, as is her alcoholism. But I manage to maintain my peace of mind a majority of the time, but I surely understand your worry over your grandchildren. Sending peace to you on this difficult journey. [/QUOTE]
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