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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747314" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Gma. There's no way that it is not sad and hard to be separated from your grandchildren, who are used in an instrumental way. </p><p></p><p>I agree that there may be no way to stop this, except to not succumb, and fall into the vat which is her drama and chaos.</p><p></p><p>But there may be ways to take control. Assuming that your daughter works from her own self-interest, and assuming that she likes her free time and to have an easier life, is it possible that you can provide day trips or overnights for the kids, or vacations, on your terms--that she would cooperate with because this benefits her?</p><p></p><p>The key, I think, would not only be your willingness and ability to do this, but also your willingness to tolerate initially, for her to say "no," cutting off her nose to spite her face. I think if you did not react to her "no" she would most likely eventually succumb to what would be in her own self-interest, and that of the kids, visits with you on your own terms.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747314, member: 18958"] Gma. There's no way that it is not sad and hard to be separated from your grandchildren, who are used in an instrumental way. I agree that there may be no way to stop this, except to not succumb, and fall into the vat which is her drama and chaos. But there may be ways to take control. Assuming that your daughter works from her own self-interest, and assuming that she likes her free time and to have an easier life, is it possible that you can provide day trips or overnights for the kids, or vacations, on your terms--that she would cooperate with because this benefits her? The key, I think, would not only be your willingness and ability to do this, but also your willingness to tolerate initially, for her to say "no," cutting off her nose to spite her face. I think if you did not react to her "no" she would most likely eventually succumb to what would be in her own self-interest, and that of the kids, visits with you on your own terms. [/QUOTE]
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