NEW YEAR NEW PROBLEMS

[Weary Mother]

Well, things for my daughter are still unstable. I am trying to deal with this, but waver back and forth between panic and compassion. On one hand I feel terrified of her plight, and am unsure if I have the stomach to watch her fail, despite the fact that it is up to her to run her own life. And on the other hand I feel that if I interfere she may be deprived of a chance to possibly make headway. I have chosen to be compassionate but not jump in. I have told her I care and that she can call me at anytime if she is needing to talk, she has not called. This is not easy stuff here. But by letting her know that I am here for her and will give her moral support, I have opened the door. I can only sit and watch and see what happens. She did get another job, at a nursing home near enough her to walk to work. She has been left without help after her daughter suddenly left her job which was supposed to supply money for rent/utilities etc. in exchange for babysitting services my daughter provided. So now she is again on her own and in a crises. I am hoping for a good outcome.

On the other hand, the son who is in jail, has been attending chapel and seems to be doing as well as can be. He has never done that before so this is a change I have not seen in him. He had all his teeth pulled and will have to wait 6 mo. to get the plate they will make. He says he hates being with out teeth. All due to meth use!! How heartbreaking. He was such a good looking man and young boy. Now to see him looking like a man older than me. Well, it could be worse, he could be dead. I have to be grateful for some things like that. I just can't seem to handle the fact that all this drama never seems to stop. I just hate living never knowing what next. Really, what next? I can relate to pstd sufferes. I am living in fear all the time, handling things as well as I can.

 

[Teriobe]

Its not fair we have to live in fear all the time

 

[Weary Mother]

no not fair but life is not fair.

 

[RN0441]

Weary:

It sounds like things are calm for now.

Please try to live a life for YOURSELF. You cannot live your children's lives for they are adults.

You enjoy peace, happiness and tranquility and I hope that you are able to see that.

 

[Weary Mother]

Well RN, you are right, things are quiet right now, except I have had so much worry for so long that I am acting like a person with PTSD. I spoke to my daughter for the first time in a while last night. I feel better after talking to her, although her situation is not good yet. I am aware that she can change this and conveyed to her that she is strong enough to manage her life. She did face time on the computer and showed me her little apartment. It is not real fancy, and it is small but she does have her bed made, pictures hung on the wall and even though she looks tired and depressed she is eating and has some hope of a job. I cannot live my children's lives and yes they are adults. But this has been so long and they just don't grow up and take a normal amount of responsibility as adults. This long term helpless ness and major life problems has taken it's toll on my own ability to detach, and have my own life with out constant worry.

 

[RN0441]

I also have some PTSD and my therapist agreed. How can one not??

My son has been gone since March of 2016 and I still get anxious when he calls, texts or I see him.

Husband does not have that. He is lucky.

I'm always waiting to hear bad news because I heard bad news for so long.

He is stable for now and I'm thankful for that. We are enjoying some travel and our marriage again.

 

[Weary Mother]

rn, it is helpful to know that others have the same long terms issues with drama that has gone on for so long. I really am trying to be a mother to my adult kids and not try to fix everything. But that does not erase any of our issues with our pain of worrying. PSTD is the best description I have for what I am going through. I manage but it is not the same as if I had adult kids with a life that is free of all this.