nightmares

[Weary Mother]

Well, I am grateful for all the input here. I had an experience over the weekend that was strange. We went away for the weekend and Saturday night I was awoken by my other half, shaking me asking me what is wrong? Apparently I was making scary sounds and breathing hard. When I got awake enough to comprehend, I told him I had been having a nightmare. It was a simple dream that for some reason was frightening. I was walking down the hall of a hospital, on the left and right there were doors half open. All of them were pitch dark inside and scary. The more I walked the more afraid I was. Now I have not had nightmares since childhood or young adulthood. Has anyone experienced this? I imagine it is in response to the stress I feel over the loss of my "normal" family life that I can't get back.

 

[Lil]

I sometimes have nightmares. When Jabber and I first got together, in times of stress like before the wedding, buying a house, etc., I had a recurring dream. I would be somewhere - different every time but I remember once was in a gymnasium - and there would be something coming for me. Nothing I could see or even name, but this black, nameless, formless void of "something" would be coming for me. I actually woke screaming. I only had it 3 times thank God.

The worse for me now are dreams about my son. I'll occasionally have very real feeling dreams, always of something bad that he's done and several times he's then confirmed that it - or something very similar - has happened. For instance, I dreamed he came home from college over Xmas and announced he wasn't going back; he was just going to fail all his classes and quit. When he actually came home for Xmas, I found out he was failing and hadn't attended classes all semester.

I've never believed in psychics...but these dreams feel different than regular dreams. When I have them, I can't shake a feeling of dread for ages.

 

[Weary Mother]

Lil, thanks for sharing. I don't know how many people suffer from some type of night mare. I had them until I was 30, then they stopped . I believe this nightmare was in response to my worry about my adult kids and my mom. When my oldest son passed away, after a while I had a dream. It was night, on the sandy shores of a lake. Moonlight shimmered off the water. My son stood on the sand near the water, with his back to the water and his front to me. He told me he was ok. I still cry thinking of that. I never dreamed of him again, and the weird things is, I wanted to. It was like I had actually seen him. The pain was so terrible when he died. Now, at my age and watching my adult kids move through life with nothing and no future, I guess it seems like death. And my mother, 84 and very difficult in many ways. health wise, mentally, and just difficult to deal with. To tell the truth, I just want to walk away from it all since I cannot have a normal relationship with any of them which causes me pain. I have considered doing just that, but then that is a different type of death isn't it?

 

[BusynMember]

I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. Have you thought of finding a nice home for your mother to give yourself some freedom while she gets to socialize and receive medical care? It sounds as if she lives with you...and that can really be stressful. You can still be there for her and visit a lot, but you are not a nurse...you can not keep caring for her alone, if you are...

 

[Weary Mother]

Somewhere: To compound this nightmare (pun intended), my mother is not co operative with anything. She is a hoarder, living in horrible conditions. I am not just worrying about her for the sake of being overprotective. She has steadily gotten worse all my life. She also is resistant to anything, ANYTHING, that is not her idea. She seems nice enough to people until they try to talk to her. she will get anxiety attacks if pushed. So, to make a long story short, I am surprised the city has not condemned her house. Nothing I say or do moves her to clean it up. And she is sick, a cancer survivor. I confronted her one time about how I worry and her reply was to ask why I worried? I said that I worried that something would happen to her like a fall or something. She said so what, and to that I said that if she fell and laid there and suffered and possibly died, I did not want to go through that. She got mad and said that many people die at home so what was the problem? I told her I did not want to be the one to find her and that if she was in another place possibly a nurse or someone might be able to find her earlier and help her. She is just to far gone to realize that the family suffers over this. And if I get the people from council on aging or someplace else involved, they would put her out of the house because it is so bad. And I do not have the heart to do that knowing it may just kill her. this is just so hard on top of homeless children who suffer as well.

 

[BusynMember]

WearyMom, honestly, my heart just breaks for you. There is nobody who ever posted here with a kinder nature than you. I hope you can catch a break soon. You are an angel...truly. I wish I could give you a real life hug. You so deserve love yourself. Everyone in your world is so lucky, whether or not the person is healthy enough to realize this fact.

 

[Weary Mother]

Somewhere, thank you so much. I actually feel hugged and could cry and also wish I could hug in person. You are so kind to me. I don't feel sorry for myself but sometimes do get to the point of like I said, just wanting to walk away, leave, sell the house, move and start over as though none of this ever existed. But I know that I would be haunted by the problems of the past, my kids, mother and even my deceased child. So I stay and try to keep my head up. I take her to the store every week so she isn't moved to drive which is another problem with her, the doctor told her not to drive but does she listen? No. So to avoid an accident which could be fatal, I take her where she needs to go. I asked the doctor to call the drivers bureau and report her and he would not do it, fearing a lawsuit. What can a person do?

 

[BusynMember]

You are so very giving to those you love
I felt the need to let you know it is noticed.
Now...also try to be kind to yourself

 

[Weary Mother]

You are so very giving to those you love
I felt the need to let you know it is noticed.
Now...also try to be kind to yourself

Thanks so much, I appreciate all the kindness on here and you very much!!