No denial now. What's the best course of action?

[AppleCori]

We've all been-there-done-that-one, SF.

Remember my earlier post on this thread, where I mentioned that my step-son dropped a bomb on us? How I said 'it threw a wrench into things, but ultimately changed nothing'?

I think every one of us has had this happen. More than once.

We are here for you, SF.

 

[AppleCori]

Did he actually pay the check-cashing place back?

If he didn't, will they press charges?

 

[toughlovin]

I have also been there done that. He might very well mean what he says in the moment but it is still extremely unlikely he will change his behavior on his own....so you need to keep that in mid with whatever decision you make. If he continues to live with you there need to be concrete steps he is taking....that you can measure...so treatment for example. It won't work if it is just you believing and taking him at his word. Given that drugs are involved he will lie to you again.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Apple, He said he paid the check cashing place back because he felt bad about it and wanted to change his behavior.. then later on he said he went to cash his own check and they kept his money because of what he owed for the bounced check. When I asked how much he paid them he gave me the wrong amount, So, bottom line is your guess is as good as mine as to what the truth is. It may all be a lie. I'll have to go down to the check cashing place myself and find out and I'm dragging his butt with me. And yes, they'll press charges but that would involve my customer and I'm trying to keep her out of our family drama.

Later on hubby talked to son and offered him a deal.. Go AWAY to rehab today and then after that we'll discuss whether he comes home again or not, or leave the house. But he refuses to go to rehab. Claim's he doesn't need it as he's not on the drugs anymore. Claims his dr. weaned him off but I didn't see any signs of withdrawal at all, and by now I know the signs. Claims there are all drug addicts at rehab and he'll end up on heroin. It's all BS, and I'm disgusted by it all. I just told him whatever choices he makes, he's got to live with. I wanted him to leave right away but hubby said he could have a few days before he leaves. We probably should have discussed that issue before we talked to him but it's too late now.

My stomach is in knots over this. He doesn't know it yet but we're all going to the check cashing place later together. If he didn't make good on that check and lied to me about it, then that mean's all those hugs, and 'I love you Moms and I'm so sorry were all BS too, and that's going to break my heart.

 

[Nancy]

That will be interesting to see what happens at the check cashing place. How are you going to get him to go there with you? You are correct, that will tell a lot about his intentions.

 

[AppleCori]

"Our" DCs seem to always have convoluted, complicated, and ever-changing stories.

If he refuses to go to the check-cashing place, you might consider refusing to let him back in the house.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

It never even dawned on me that he'd refuse to go. duh. I'm still in such a fog that that never even entered my mind. I just told him now we were going there later and he said okay.. so we'll see if he actually does go with us. I decided if he does go and we find out at the check cashing place that he didn't make good on the check, then he lied to me and his dad and I'm leaving him there and telling him he can find his clothes on the front porch if he wants them. Then we'll scurry around and change the locks while he's gone.

If he does go with us and we find he did make good on the check, then I guess we'll give him the next few days to get his clothes washed. He say's he has a place to go. He told hubby and I he was going to his friends house but that was when his dad was in earshot. Once dad left he told me he's going to have to live with some 'smelly old gay geezer and 'pay' for the privilege of living there and of course it's my fault that he has to do that.. sure. I just let that remark go right over my head and told him 'whatever choices you make are your;s to make. You're an adult'. He makes idle threats. Yesterday it was that he swallowed 50 tylenol. Honest to God, my first thought was I hoped you saved two for me because I've got a massive headache. Second thought was we don't even have 50 Tylenol. I'm so tired of his BS.
Then 15 mins later he wants to borrow the car to go get cigarettes. I should have said no and reminded him he was supposedly OD'ing on tylenol but I forgot. Now that I'm a little more clear headed I realize I should have called the police and told them he was trying to OD. Maybe they would have taken him in for a psychiatric evaluation.

He just left to catch the bus. He claims he has a job and needs to go fill out paperwork. I hope he does get a job. But again.. we'll see. He lies a lot.

I'll let you know what happens at the check cashing place later.

 

[Nancy]

I think most of our difficult children have the same playbook. My daughter told her friend at school that she took a bottle of Tylenol. The school made me take her to the ER even though I knew very well she had not done that and it was all for attention. The hospital said she looked fine, kept her for about an hour and sent us home.

I hope he gets help, so many addicted to oxy go on to heroin because it's cheaper.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

I hope he gets help, so many addicted to oxy go on to heroin because it's cheaper.

me too. Him and I have talked about that and he say's he would never use heroin. I'd really like to believe that that part of him would reach out for help before it got to that point. But, I don't know and I have no illusions. He think's he's different and he wouldn't let it get to the point that he would turn to heroin, but I would bet half the heroin abusers thought the same thing when then started using. It's so hard to watch a loved one spiral downward and be totally clueless about the path they've chosen to follow.

We never made it to the check cashing place last night. It was just one of those nights where nothing worked out the way it was planned.

 

[Nancy]

Thanks for the update. Let us know what happens when you go. And you are so right, it's terribly hard watching loved ones go down that path.

 

[AppleCori]

Hi S&F,

How are you doing today?

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Hi Apple, Thanks for asking. Actually I'm sick. I think I've got bronchitis and I feel like something the cat dragged in. It was only a matter of time because everyone else in the house just got over being sick. I'm always the last one to catch the latest germs for some reason.
I'd love to just lay in bed and eat chicken soup but I've got a Confirmation to go to later so I can't even indulge myself today. I doubt I'll make it to the check cashing place either. There's not enough time today and frankly, I don't have the physical energy to go. How are you doing?

 

[AppleCori]

Hi, S&F, thanks for asking.

Doing as good as ever, despite the Cubs not getting to the World Series!

Are you feeling any better?