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Not Optimistic About Thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 479515" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This sure doesn't sound like fun to me. Seems like the perfect time for Mom to have a stress induced migraine/breakdown/whatever. I would sure be tempted to let husband take difficult child wherever he plans and to spend the day in bed or out doing what I wanted to. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, our husband's don't often spend the day dealing with the fallout from their refusal to follow our advice when dealing with plans and difficult children. My husband pulled a LOT of stuff like this until the year I actually had a migraine and he had to go and deal with all 3 kids and his ever-changing holiday plans by himself. thank you was still in diapers and I didn't even pack the diaper bag (why would I when I was not going to be with the child?). He had a cranky baby, a little girl who was curious and into everything, and a difficult child who did NOT want to be there and he did NOT have me to take care of things.</p><p></p><p>We had a long talk after that. He started to listen when I told him that we would wait until a day or three before the event to tell Wiz what the plans were - no matter how much Wiz asked for the plans. NOT to make Wiz anxious, but because we had no control over the extended family and the constant changes made Wiz so anxious. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion your husband is NOT going to see the error of his ways until he has to handle difficult child all by himself after all his announced plan changes. It may mean they have an awful holiday, but it will make future holidays better IF you husband is the kind who will learn from the experience. It may take you reminding him often about how his plan changes led to an awful Thanksgiving in 2011, but if it made the future better (and not just holidays if you can work this so that your husband learns to listen from you most of the time and not just about holidays!), then it would be worth it.</p><p></p><p>I didn't fake the migraine, but if I had known that it would result in husband finally listening to me when I told him how to handle Wiz in certain situations, then I would have faked one on a holiday years before. NOT to be mean or to upset husband, Wiz or anyone else, but so that we could finally start to have more peaceful and ENJOYABLE holidays. Heck, husband, Jess, and Wiz stll remember that year and will remind each other (esp remind husband) to listen when mom says to handle plans a certain way. Cause it was THAT BAD and future years were that much better.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if you have migraines or other problems that flare when you are stressed, but it might be the ONLY way to get husband to really SEE how destructive he is when he tells difficult child the plans, then changes them, then changes them again, and again, and again. You probably run interference because he tends to rile up difficult child rather than helping difficult child cope. So letting them do it their way may mean they see how their way hurts everyone. I had to stress how upset Jess, father in law and stepml were before husband was willing to listen. He was still tied up over what Wiz "should" be able to cope with because husband was able to at Wiz' age - and the Asperger's did not factor into husband's expectations until i got out of the way and forced husband to deal with it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 479515, member: 1233"] This sure doesn't sound like fun to me. Seems like the perfect time for Mom to have a stress induced migraine/breakdown/whatever. I would sure be tempted to let husband take difficult child wherever he plans and to spend the day in bed or out doing what I wanted to. Sadly, our husband's don't often spend the day dealing with the fallout from their refusal to follow our advice when dealing with plans and difficult children. My husband pulled a LOT of stuff like this until the year I actually had a migraine and he had to go and deal with all 3 kids and his ever-changing holiday plans by himself. thank you was still in diapers and I didn't even pack the diaper bag (why would I when I was not going to be with the child?). He had a cranky baby, a little girl who was curious and into everything, and a difficult child who did NOT want to be there and he did NOT have me to take care of things. We had a long talk after that. He started to listen when I told him that we would wait until a day or three before the event to tell Wiz what the plans were - no matter how much Wiz asked for the plans. NOT to make Wiz anxious, but because we had no control over the extended family and the constant changes made Wiz so anxious. in my opinion your husband is NOT going to see the error of his ways until he has to handle difficult child all by himself after all his announced plan changes. It may mean they have an awful holiday, but it will make future holidays better IF you husband is the kind who will learn from the experience. It may take you reminding him often about how his plan changes led to an awful Thanksgiving in 2011, but if it made the future better (and not just holidays if you can work this so that your husband learns to listen from you most of the time and not just about holidays!), then it would be worth it. I didn't fake the migraine, but if I had known that it would result in husband finally listening to me when I told him how to handle Wiz in certain situations, then I would have faked one on a holiday years before. NOT to be mean or to upset husband, Wiz or anyone else, but so that we could finally start to have more peaceful and ENJOYABLE holidays. Heck, husband, Jess, and Wiz stll remember that year and will remind each other (esp remind husband) to listen when mom says to handle plans a certain way. Cause it was THAT BAD and future years were that much better. I don't know if you have migraines or other problems that flare when you are stressed, but it might be the ONLY way to get husband to really SEE how destructive he is when he tells difficult child the plans, then changes them, then changes them again, and again, and again. You probably run interference because he tends to rile up difficult child rather than helping difficult child cope. So letting them do it their way may mean they see how their way hurts everyone. I had to stress how upset Jess, father in law and stepml were before husband was willing to listen. He was still tied up over what Wiz "should" be able to cope with because husband was able to at Wiz' age - and the Asperger's did not factor into husband's expectations until i got out of the way and forced husband to deal with it. [/QUOTE]
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