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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 171614" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>I do believe that parenting does need to be considered and you've brought up something that has been a concern for me here on the boards. It's always bothered me when new parents arrive here questioning their own parenting skills (or feeling bruised because of criticism) and posters reply telling them "You're a great parent." The truth is we don't know what's going on behind the doors of those homes. Some great parenting is probably going on, but in truth there also may be some not so great parenting taking place. </p><p> </p><p>HOWEVER, what I do think is critical is the way in which we approach it. Saying something like "Before I got a handle on the strategies in The Explosive Child I often was contributing to my difficult child's problems simply because I didn't know there was a better way for him." is more apt to ease them into considering they could do something differently as opposed to telling them what you think they need to do differently. They're new here, they don't know what experiences we've been through, or what qualifications we have to be making the statements we're making. I would have flown to the moon to help my difficult child and it always grieved me when I realized something I was doing was off track from what he needed.</p><p> </p><p>I think it's also important to keep in mind that newer parents here often are very vulnerable and easily criticized. Cushioning suggestions with encouragment and understanding goes a long way towards making them more palatable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 171614, member: 701"] I do believe that parenting does need to be considered and you've brought up something that has been a concern for me here on the boards. It's always bothered me when new parents arrive here questioning their own parenting skills (or feeling bruised because of criticism) and posters reply telling them "You're a great parent." The truth is we don't know what's going on behind the doors of those homes. Some great parenting is probably going on, but in truth there also may be some not so great parenting taking place. HOWEVER, what I do think is critical is the way in which we approach it. Saying something like "Before I got a handle on the strategies in The Explosive Child I often was contributing to my difficult child's problems simply because I didn't know there was a better way for him." is more apt to ease them into considering they could do something differently as opposed to telling them what you think they need to do differently. They're new here, they don't know what experiences we've been through, or what qualifications we have to be making the statements we're making. I would have flown to the moon to help my difficult child and it always grieved me when I realized something I was doing was off track from what he needed. I think it's also important to keep in mind that newer parents here often are very vulnerable and easily criticized. Cushioning suggestions with encouragment and understanding goes a long way towards making them more palatable. [/QUOTE]
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