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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 171631" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Well, I think my opinion will be the exception here but I have good reasons for mine. My daughter's issues are about 90&#37; behavorial. I completely blame her bio-mother's parenting (or lack thereof). While bio-mom completely and totally loved her daughter, she had no clue how to parent her. Men were brought in and out of the house constantly. My daughter was severely neglected, physically abused, probably sexually abused. I got lucky in that I did some things right when I got her out of sheer luck (carrying her almost non-stop for a full year, playing "baby" with her being the baby, etc.). However, there is no way I could have rectified everything that had had happened to her. Nor could her therapist, who is truly one of the best. Even with everything that was tried to help her, she still needed an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and she's still not 100% but closer to that than I ever thought she would be.</p><p> </p><p>So, yes, to me parenting can be to blame. If there are no serious chemical (i.e., ADHD, bipolar) or mental imbalances (i.e., autistic spectrum), then most of the blame has to lie with parenting or another outside factor such as molestation or the like.</p><p> </p><p>However, I firmly believe that my child is the exception. Most parents protect their children from abuse. Most parents cherish their children and will do anything to keep them safe. So, that puts it back to something physical, not something the parents did.</p><p> </p><p>All parents make mistakes in raising children. Children are not pieces of equipment that clearly state if you put A into B, X will occur. If a child does not have food allergies, chemical imbalances, mental imbalance, these mistakes will cause no harm. Sometimes, these defiencies (for lack of a better word) will make a simple mistake escalate into something serious such as a 4-hour rage. This is not the fault of the parent; this is an uncontrollable reaction by the child.</p><p> </p><p>As to the professionals, I do have some issues with them. Many get stuck in the rut of their education and knowledge -- if they totally bought into the Freudian school, the parent will somehow be blamed; if their PhD thesis was on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), odds are they will see Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in most children; etc. It is hard to keep up on all the new theories in psychology. Some pros are hopelessly behind. Worse, some refuse to accept any new theory. One thing that truly bothers me is what I call the "flavor of the day" diagnosis. It seems that every year or two, certain Dxes are popular and that is what almost every child gets for a diagnosis. It is taking the easy way out and hurting the child. There has to be a better way.</p><p> </p><p>So, my opinion is that true blame on the parent is rare but certainly is possible. Some therapists need to learn more and be more open to newer theories. Just as importantly, diagnosticians need to keep a truly open mind and not be influenced by what is popular today. Everyone needs to look harder at what could be wrong rather than just saying poor parenting or even genetics is the cause of the problems. Personally, I wish that the diagnosis would be less of an issue and that a good treatment plan become the best therapy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 171631, member: 3626"] Well, I think my opinion will be the exception here but I have good reasons for mine. My daughter's issues are about 90% behavorial. I completely blame her bio-mother's parenting (or lack thereof). While bio-mom completely and totally loved her daughter, she had no clue how to parent her. Men were brought in and out of the house constantly. My daughter was severely neglected, physically abused, probably sexually abused. I got lucky in that I did some things right when I got her out of sheer luck (carrying her almost non-stop for a full year, playing "baby" with her being the baby, etc.). However, there is no way I could have rectified everything that had had happened to her. Nor could her therapist, who is truly one of the best. Even with everything that was tried to help her, she still needed an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and she's still not 100% but closer to that than I ever thought she would be. So, yes, to me parenting can be to blame. If there are no serious chemical (i.e., ADHD, bipolar) or mental imbalances (i.e., autistic spectrum), then most of the blame has to lie with parenting or another outside factor such as molestation or the like. However, I firmly believe that my child is the exception. Most parents protect their children from abuse. Most parents cherish their children and will do anything to keep them safe. So, that puts it back to something physical, not something the parents did. All parents make mistakes in raising children. Children are not pieces of equipment that clearly state if you put A into B, X will occur. If a child does not have food allergies, chemical imbalances, mental imbalance, these mistakes will cause no harm. Sometimes, these defiencies (for lack of a better word) will make a simple mistake escalate into something serious such as a 4-hour rage. This is not the fault of the parent; this is an uncontrollable reaction by the child. As to the professionals, I do have some issues with them. Many get stuck in the rut of their education and knowledge -- if they totally bought into the Freudian school, the parent will somehow be blamed; if their PhD thesis was on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), odds are they will see Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in most children; etc. It is hard to keep up on all the new theories in psychology. Some pros are hopelessly behind. Worse, some refuse to accept any new theory. One thing that truly bothers me is what I call the "flavor of the day" diagnosis. It seems that every year or two, certain Dxes are popular and that is what almost every child gets for a diagnosis. It is taking the easy way out and hurting the child. There has to be a better way. So, my opinion is that true blame on the parent is rare but certainly is possible. Some therapists need to learn more and be more open to newer theories. Just as importantly, diagnosticians need to keep a truly open mind and not be influenced by what is popular today. Everyone needs to look harder at what could be wrong rather than just saying poor parenting or even genetics is the cause of the problems. Personally, I wish that the diagnosis would be less of an issue and that a good treatment plan become the best therapy. [/QUOTE]
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