Peaceful how did court go?

[flutterbee]

It's very difficult when one child is so out of control and you worry not only for their safety and your own safety, but the safety of your younger child as well. We do have a responsibility to protect them.

When easy child was 10 and diagnosis'd with severe depression, he was angry, hostile and violent. His physical violence was directed at his sister. I was advised by his doctors to call the police if it happened again. I spoke to easy child about this and told him in no uncertain terms that I would call the police if he touched difficult child again. Fortunately, I never had to as I know it would have been heartbreaking to do so, but I would have.

He is a different kid now, but it had a lasting effect on difficult child. She was a kid who was already...hmmm...high strung and highly anxious. We had addressed her issues before easy child's slide and she was doing wonderfully. I firmly believe that a lot (not all) of what we are dealing with out of difficult child has been 'fall out' from easy child's illness and behavior.

I don't blame easy child for this as it wasn't intentional and he was very ill. He has virtually no memory of that time. However, for me it really illustrates the effect these illnesses have on the family. We cannot forsake our 'healthy' children because we have an ill child. I was so focused on easy child at the time that I didn't see the effect on difficult child until it was huge.

Forgive my rambling...I'm having some cognitive issues and am having a hard time getting out what I'm trying to say.

Which is - you are doing what you have to do to protect your family and help your daughter. I will put up with a lot, but my line in the sand is clearly drawn at violence. I lived many years being afraid in my home and I absolutely will not do it again regardless of the reason.

I don't see resentment. I see your line in the sand. I hope you'll reconsider leaving the site.

(((hugs)))

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry you took what was said as negative. I hope you find the help you need, if not here then through your support group. I've been here ten years now. I've heard it all, or at least most of it. I apologize if I offended you. Like we always say here, take what you want and leave the rest behind. If you think everyone will always agree with you you are wrong, as evidenced by the fact that you disagree with how I have handled things. We all do the best we can. Sometimes we express support that is not taken in the way it was offered.

I did not in any way mean to infer that you should not protect your other child. Good lord of course you should. If the only way to do that is to have the other child removed, so be it.

Nancy

 

[Star*]

Peaceful,

Sounds like everyone is doing everything they can. While the judge has made a nervy call in her case, I like it. Does anyone think that she's really never going to curse again? I wouldn't think so - but each time she DOES swear - and you pick up the phone to report it - you aren't just reporting bad language - you are reporting bad behavior.

Technically he's eliminated a bad coping skill. So it makes her think about trying to comply, finding an appropriate way to express her anger and makes the behavior a tad more appropriate. The fact that he sent her DIRECTLY to a PO, which is never done? I'd say was to drive the fact HOME to her - that he means what he says - he means it so much SHE got to start TODAY learning what he meant.

The judge sounded like he really knew some psychology - but I don't doubt that he means for his word to be law.

Hugs for your day -

also - I worked with a kid that had an older brother that just used to pummel him for no apparent reason. I gave the younger boy a whistle and told him if he was in danger he could blow that whistle and someone would come for him. He said often his brother would threaten him or cover his mouth, but it gave him a sense of security, it made the older child angry - because now there WAS a defense in place that would bring the troops and it actually worked better than a camera - because one blow and adults came running - an IMMEDIATE reaction to bad behavior, nipped in the bud before someone got pounded.

 

[jamrobmic]

Nancy, I have to say that I was very impressed by what you posted. There have been a few posts lately that have a very hard-edged tone to them, but I thought your reply was very empathetic and insightful as to the way many of our kids think and feel. I admire the place you've arrived at in your relationship with your difficult child; I know it has come about through a lot of pain, grief, and hard work on your part.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thanks for posting and update, Peaceful. The judge sounds like a good guy. I'm a day late and a dollar short, but wanted to lend support.