Phone call

[newstart]

I keep praying that I see improvement with my 38 year old daughter but in reality she a user, abusive, cunning, constantly lying. I know all this as absolute truth, I know she acts like a psychopath while manic and I know first hand of all the lives she destroys. I know this as absolute truth yet I keep trying to make some sense in all this.
I fall prey into her madness, lies and deceit. I fall prey into her setting me up to fall and I am her prey to use, chew up and spit out.

I am wore out, harmed to the core. Each of her moves when I think I am included or cared about are selfish and cruel. I may have studied mental illness for many years, I watch Youtubes on the subject and I am well aware of the damage yet I keep finding room in my heart to forgive her and want so desperately to have a workable relationship with her. The constant rejection, the constant S and the constant lies are something I try to work with but in reality they do not work and all that happens is I feel deeply abused.
So I have to ask myself Why? why do I put myself through all this?
On Tuesday night I was on the phone with my daughter trying to make peace with her abusive words and tone, trying hard to have a decent conversation when I get a call on call waiting, I answer it and it is full of static and an odd voice is trying to make words. I could not make out the words but they sounded desperate and as if they were warning me of something. At first I got scared because I thought it was my husband and his plane went down. I got a hold of my husband and he was fine, having a good time in the wilderness... After much prayer I decided I got a call from my guardian angels telling me to cut ties with my own daughter. My daughter's ugly behavior towards me harms my spirit like a death. I feel like my angel guides actually hurt with the amount of S she throws at me.

I went to bed feeling peaceful and protected. I felt as if I was spiritually protected and watched over. I woke up this morning feeling stronger and more clear. I still cry because the situation is so bad but I have a new sense of purpose. I just have so much love to give.. and I do give it to others....

 

[Copabanana]

Dear Newstart

What a powerful post and powerful message. I truly understand how you feel and how impossible it feels to reconcile the reality of our children and how they live, with our deepest need to love them and to be loved. I have no wisdom at all to impart, only to tell you that I am in the same place.

What I am trying to do is to learn to hold my love in my heart for my son, and at the time hold myself in my heart with love too. That does not mean that I can or should have contact with my son who continues to live in a way that is harmful to himself and to others.

I know all too well the pain of having the worry and sadness and the need to let them be, with a prayer. But I see that is all there is for me right now, accepting the reality of right now. My son can't live how I would wish and hope. It's not my job to have wishes and dreams for him that he does not hold for himself. I can have these for myself, and I will.

Love.

 

[BusynMember1]

I think it is hard not to hope they will change.

I do think how anyone behaves is 200 percent on them. Kay treats us as if we never mattered. Now Lee is a bad person in my opinion but so is Kay. They could break up and both would be the same. Your daughter is your daughter and even if she breaks up with her boyfriend, she is who she is. He isn't causing it. She is. Kay is. I don't like Lee but I think Kay found him and stays because of who she is. I don't blame Lee for Kay. He is a symptom of her problems.

It is heartbreaking and hard when our child is not kind to us for the right reasons (like Kay was only ever nice to get favors). It hurts. Bad. We are puzzled. Hurt. We cry. We don't want to accept it. I understand you.

On top of that you, like me, lost wonderful son's. That never goes away. That alwaystugs at my heart. Yet I often feel as if Ethan is with me, cheering me up, talking to me. It helps.

In my deepest secret mind I have thought, with shame, "Why did Ethan have to leave? He was pure love. Now Kay..." Then I shut myself down. I love Kay too. But I do think this then I feel ashamed. I have spoken to my pastor and therapist about that sometimes feeling. I werp for days, or used to.

Please be kind to you. We can not use others for our own happiness. Happiness comes only from within. I have two normal kids besides Kay and I can't depend on them to fulfil me either. Rick has a girlfriend and is always with her and Amy has a new boyfriend, first since her divorce. We are lucky to have dinner together twice a month. We have to happy in our own skin.

Blessings and much love.

 

[newstart]

Copa, Thank you for your words of wisdom. I understand what you are saying. I understand I have to find happiness from within and I usually do, it just has been a very rough few weeks and so satisfying to put my thoughts into words and have others give me insight. I always appreciate you.
Busynmember, We truly have to be happy in our own skin and most of the time I am when not spending time around my daughter. She was going through what I thought was a break up and I felt as if I was helping her but in reality she was just using and abusing me. My son's death is always hard for me but when she is terribly mean his death is even more raw.. I miss my son horribly, he had such a kind heart, he was grateful and thankful and I have NEVER seen such devious behavior from him and he most certainly was NOT a liar. I am glad I can have connection to the spirit world and so grateful for guidance from above. The phone call did not sound like my son, I do believe it was from the beyond and it was a wonderful message that gave me deep peace, it had to come from God. I felt loved and protected.

 

[BusynMember1]

I believe like you even though I am a Christian. I believe Ethan sends me signs. I will see him when I cross over

 

[newstart]

Yes I am sure you will see your precious son BusynMember. I googled calls from the grave and it seems a lot of people have experienced them. The level of belligerence my daughter was dishing out to me was burning my soul same as if she would pour boiling hot water on me. I was so stressed I started to bleed. I think my angels guides interceded and the call was to blow her off. I told her I will not talk on the phone with her I will only communicate through text. I cannot explain the deep soul pain I experience when I feel I gave birth to a person that displays psychopathic traits while she is manic. Today I was looking at property far from here.

 

[SeekingStrength]

Hi Newstart,

Thinking about you this evening. husband and I know, all too well, what you are describing. Even today - with no communication with our son in several years, a hateful text or vm often makes us lose our footing for a bit. I often post here when we hear from him because of the centering this board helped me with years ago when husband and I were still in the depths after years of enduring emotional and verbal abuse.

We continue to pray several times a day for a change of heart and mind for our son. We learned to move on and not expect a miracle this week.

I am so sorry. It can be a convoluted path back to our peace....and there can be stones to trip over. : (

SS

 

[newstart]

Thank you SeekingStrength. I am so sorry for your deep heartache. I continue to pray each day several times a day. I can't see me going through all this as I grow much older. A couple of days ago a woman that knows both my daughter and her nasty boyfriend called me. She had moved away and she sounded concerned for my safety. She told me to change the locks and codes on the house. She feels like they are plotting something sinister for my husband and me.. I recently uncovered a sinister plan to extort money from us.. We are on it though, husband and I have taken steps to secure our finances...I think they both are in on this but I think my daughter is the master mind behind these evil thoughts. I think out of the both of them, he might have more compassion than her. And that is not saying much since he is a deeply disturbed and creepy person.
My daughter gets like this while deeply manic. When she is calmed down out of her mania she can be somewhat decent.
I am sure many of these people that commit these horrific crimes were more mellow while not manic or on drugs.
For years my daughter had boyfriends that were so horrified at the way she treated us that they would call to tell us. This boyfriend that she has now would just follow her sinister plans.
I imagine as the years go on and I live far away I will start to feel deep peace again. I know I can feel that, I did once while my daughter was going to college over seas. I remember those years clearly my life got so much better, I was having a lot of fun and did not have the constant worry about the other shoe going to drop.

 

[RN0441]

I'm so sorry that this continues to happen to you.

I vote for you and hubby to move far away and perhaps even cut your daughter out of your life completely.

I know that sounds cold but I know that we were getting to that point with our son and maybe somehow he knew it and changed. My son's issues were all drug related and your daughter may not be able to change, I'm not sure about any of that but you deserve to be treated right no matter WHO it is. I could not tolerate it. It's never ending.

Stay strong!

 

[newstart]

Thank you RN. I am grateful that your son is on the right path. Just said a prayer of gratitude.
My daughter did not spend much time around her aunt and paternal grandmother (both have bipolar) it is amazing at the hateful words that come out of her mouth, same demon words as they used to harm. I can see how it can kill an empath, I am lucky to have studied this and have to put a protective shield up, even with a protective shield, that hate penetrates to the soul. I think I am always amazed at the depth of hate that comes out.. I do know that my daughter does not take drugs but desperately needs to be on medication. Heredity BS for sure. After I got my sister in law and mother in law out of my life completely, my life took such a wonderful upwards swing. Before I knew how toxic it was I was trying to fix it, there is no fixing other than distancing yourself. I know my angel guides knew I was being under demonic attack, so grateful from that call from my angel guides. As far as I am concerned and what I heard, they sounded concerned and stressed.. I got the message and made the distance.

 

[SeekingStrength]

Hey Newstart,

Share what your bank recommends if you don't mind.

We knew to protect our bank accounts. We went into bank to put a higher security level on our $$ (told them we suspected our son might try something.) We have a password (which we finally learned after three years, haha). They also took our photos that supposedly pop up when we make transactions.

 

[newstart]

Hi SeekingStrength,

Our bank did not recommend anything, we just took her off all accounts. But I love the idea of making the accounts with pictures. We have the bank send us updates right away if any money is being exchanged. Thank you so much for the recommendation. Can't wait to share it with my husband when he get home. With the help of my daughter's ex friend calling me, I have uncovered a plot that my daughter was trying to put together to have me buy some property way out in the country, get me to build a home on the land for her and then bring on the worthless boyfriend. I can't imagine living way out and having to see the both of them daily. NO thank you. Plus because of their behaviors, NO way do I want our hard earned money to go to them. We have spent plenty on them in the past, and I mean plenty and I do not want one more penny going to them. They would bleed us dry. I am putting plans together to get her off our will. In the city I live in there have been several murders where the children murder the parents to make it look like a home invasion. Can you imagine if someone went through all that trouble and found out their name was not on the will?

 

[JMom]

Newstart,

I am concerned about your safety. Did you change the locks? There are small bars that you can place across your windows, usually made of wood and inexpensive. There are also little metal clams so that they can not be opened. I am not suggesting to hyper-vigilance, but perhaps to make some simple additions for safety. I'm a po-po so my mind goes to security, lol. Thorny bushes planted outside windows. Also, when you change the locks, if you put longer screws in the face plate, it's near impossible to kick in.


Here is a link:
Aluminum for sliding doors from Lowes:

https://www.lowes.com/pd/Gatehouse-4-Pack-Aluminum-Sliding-Window-Locks/3407374?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-hdw-_-google-_-lia-_-213-_-doorandhomehardware-_-3407374-_-0&placeholder=null&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9-vyhav66gIVy8DACh1XhgalEAQYBSABEgJlc_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Window barricade from Amazon:

Robot Check

Hugs and prayers for your safety.

JMOM

 

[newstart]

Thank you Jmom. I have storm windows and they are fabulous security windows, I had them added on top of the original windows so they would be very hard to get in. I have my doors secure and I sleep well at night knowing I have secured my home to the max. I have changed the garage door code several times and will again once my husband comes home. I am headed to the bank soon to get the pictures for our account. Thank you so much for your prayers and concern.

 

[newstart]

I think it is hard not to hope they will change.

I do think how anyone behaves is 200 percent on them. Kay treats us as if we never mattered. Now Lee is a bad person in my opinion but so is Kay. They could break up and both would be the same. Your daughter is your daughter and even if she breaks up with her boyfriend, she is who she is. He isn't causing it. She is. Kay is. I don't like Lee but I think Kay found him and stays because of who she is. I don't blame Lee for Kay. He is a symptom of her problems.

It is heartbreaking and hard when our child is not kind to us for the right reasons (like Kay was only ever nice to get favors). It hurts. Bad. We are puzzled. Hurt. We cry. We don't want to accept it. I understand you.

On top of that you, like me, lost wonderful son's. That never goes away. That alwaystugs at my heart. Yet I often feel as if Ethan is with me, cheering me up, talking to me. It helps.

In my deepest secret mind I have thought, with shame, "Why did Ethan have to leave? He was pure love. Now Kay..." Then I shut myself down. I love Kay too. But I do think this then I feel ashamed. I have spoken to my pastor and therapist about that sometimes feeling. I werp for days, or used to.

Please be kind to you. We can not use others for our own happiness. Happiness comes only from within. I have two normal kids besides Kay and I can't depend on them to fulfil me either. Rick has a girlfriend and is always with her and Amy has a new boyfriend, first since her divorce. We are lucky to have dinner together twice a month. We have to happy in our own skin.

Blessings and much love.

BusynMember, I have thought a lot of what you had wrote. I am positive my daughter would still be awful to me even if she was not with her boyfriend. She is who is she is, and who she is, is someone that is awful to me while highly manic. I am having a hard time with how cruel she was but then really why would I be so shocked, I know she is capable of it. I know nothing can fullfill me except God but I just want a respectable relationship where we both can benefit. Something has stuck with me and bothers me, she has said several time that she thinks when either her dad or I die she thinks we will go together. She talks about it with a tone that does not sit right with me. My husband has heard her say this too and it is so weird to hear..
In reality my daughter cares about me off and on sometimes when not manic. She really just cares about her and her boyfriend. No one or nothing matters.
I am lucky that my daughter's friend has reached out and is concerned for my husband and me. The rejection from my daughter is heart breaking but look who is rejecting me, a cunning, cold, lying, horrible manic person. Should I really feel so deeply hurt getting rejected by an A.H.?

The level of cruel is unbelievable, the level of demonic is horrible. I can pray and pray for her and get out of her way when she unleashes her demons. I have to get the image out of my head of a sweet little girl and realize she has turned into a person that I would walk 10 blocks to avoid.
Just want you to know that I am grateful for your comment and that I gave it a lot of thought.