Please Help, So very lost

[LalaSmitty]

He did go to a daycare but it was a great foster family that ran the childcare. My husband and I moved a bit during his younger years due to being in the military and once we were both out he for the first time attended childcare.
I suppose something could have happened then... :'(

 

[Copabanana]

I will google.

Well, I googled it and still do not understand.

 

[LalaSmitty]

I usually do not talk about it. The MST that is. However, it is possibly a reason for the behaviors and since I'm looking for answers and similar situations, I shared it.

 

[LalaSmitty]

Well, I googled it and still do not understand.

Google what?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Have you ever tried to capture the history of his development? Everything from the normal (when did he talk, walk, etc.), to incidents of concern, to reports and feedback from school and others...

You are going to need this information for the next professionals you deal with. In the mean time, working through the history might help you see patterns.

 

[Copabanana]

Lala, this site is anonymous. (If that is a real picture of you, you are beautiful but I would remove it.)

Reveal what you feel comfortable with. Only that.

 

[Copabanana]

Google what?

MST. I did not know what it is and still do not. Explain if you feel comfortable doing so.

 

[LalaSmitty]

Lala, this site is anonymous. (If that is a real picture of you, you are beautiful but I would remove it.)

Reveal what you feel comfortable with. Only that.

Thanks

 

[LalaSmitty]

MST. I did not know what it is and still do not. Explain if you feel comfortable doing so.

MST means Military Sexual Trauma. In civilain terms Sexual Assault.

 

[Copabanana]

If the onset of these behaviors occurred 3 years ago that would be the time your second child was born. He would have to have had feelings of jealousy but not this extreme. I agree with Insane about the developmental history, the utility of a chronological timetable of when behaviors started, what they were, what was happening at the time, and what help you sought.

 

[BusynMember]

Oh. I had it wrong. I am so sorry. My son was a donor baby. Sooooo sorry.

Although thevMST happened, and its awful, thanks for serving. Again, im so, so sorry.

 

[Copabanana]

MST means Military Sexual Trauma.

Oh, no. I am so sorry.

Now it makes sense, your comment that something had to be wrong.

I was looking up MST in relation to sperm donor and came up with Mitochondrial Sperm Transfer. It was really confusing me.

OK. That leads me up another tree. Are you in therapy? How scary and complicated for you and for your husband. And for your son.

Lala, I know you will get through this with strength and responsibility. I just know it.

 

[Copabanana]

I was just now reading about the work of the British psychoanalyst Joan Raphael-Leff who writes of women bearing children conceived in rape, and the experience of the children who are the product of this trauma.

It may be tough reading but this age old experience marks both mother and child in difficult and profound ways. I say age-old experience because one article I read talked about this being a theme throughout Greek and Roman myth and literature. And it seems not uncommon. Tragically.

If the physicians rule out neurological causation, you might choose to explore some of the psychiatric work on this, and deal with it in your own therapy.

Lila, I am glad you are here with us. Posting helps. It really, really does.

 

[Copabanana]

It is known that the man who fathered your son was functional to an extent because he passed the screenings to enter the military. Any severe red flag such as serious, active mental illness would have probably been caught.

It is harder for anyone to diagnose when they dont have the history of both birth parents and we had next to nothing.

If the perpetrator/father was identified, there could be a way to access his history, especially if it involved health issues for the child. I do not know what legal means there would be to get his history, but it seems like peril to the child, might justify the need for his relinquishing his medical privacy.

I do not know the law pertaining to this but Lil *an attorney and parent here on this forum who works in child support law, might know.

 

[Copabanana]

I found this article from the New York Times online about what some parents feel compelled to do to get help for their child. While it need not come to this (I sure hope it does not) this article might be useful to read.

Parents of Mentally Ill Children Trade Custody for Care
By SHAILA K. DEWAN
Published: February 16, 2003
For the parents of some severely mentally ill children, it can come to this: pleading with emergency-room psychiatrists who have no good answers. Listening grimly as caseworkers explain their lack of options. Appearing tearfully before family court judges as they take what they regard as a last desperate step in pursuit of medical care.

What these mothers and fathers are being urged to do is agonizing: give up custody of their children and turn them over to New York State's child welfare agencies so that they can get the mental health care that they otherwise cannot afford or gain access to.

Here is the link. I took out the whole article because it may be copyright infringement.

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/16/n...en-trade-custody-for-care.html?pagewanted=all

 

[Wiped Out]

Adding in my welcome. I can hear the exhaustion and fear in your "voice". He does sound dangerous. It is so sad to me that a psychiatrist would refuse to see him. I would hope he would at least refer you to another psychiatrist. I read through quickly so I didn't notice if he is on any medications? If so they are obviously not helping. It does sound like he needs to be out of the house at this time.
Sending some gentle hugs your way.

 

[Copabanana]

I would hope he would at least refer you to another psychiatrist.

It is unethical to abandon a patient, especially a child, I would think. I believe this psychiatrist is obligated to find colleagues who are equipped to treat your child.

 

[LalaSmitty]

It is all so complicated.
Yes he is on medications, no they don't seem to be truly helping.
He too functions outside of the home..
The military destroyed all evidence of the assault and won't even admit the assailant exist. Not to mention for me to gain access to medical history or anything a waiver would have to be signed by him allowing me access (Seen as admitting wrong doing). The old boys code is still rule in the military and happens all too frequently. Unfortunately women are taken advantage of and called meat sacks. Our rights are signed away upon entering as we can not retaliate against the military, it is stated in the fine print of the contract.

It took me 6 years to prove foul play, and receive services from the VA.

It has been a long hard road all the way around.

 

[BusynMember]

Lala, that is so vile of them. How can we expect our best and brightest to serve when our women in the military are treated like " meat." Hideous. You have much on your plate. I hope life turns around for you. Your story is nothing less thAn tragic and a slam at our military.

 

[pigless in VA]

Welcome, Lala. I'm so very sorry about the MST. Thank you for serving for your country; I'm sorry that you had a horrible experience.

My son began his angry outbursts at age 3 as well. Like you, I am reasonably certain that no one physically abused my child. I think sometimes, with boys especially, that anger is an "easier" emotion for them to display than other "softer" emotions like fear or sadness. When a child is young, I think it is very difficult for them to articulate what they are actually feeling. Instead, we get horrific tantrums and aggression.

I am appalled that the psychiatrist is not helping your child. When my son reached his worst stage, I wrote a letter to the most respected child psychiatrist in my area begging for help with him. I had heard that she would not accept new patients, but something in my letter must have sparked her interest. She agreed to see us. It does not sound like you have found the right psychiatrist or therapist for your son yet.

We lovingly refer to him as the Hulk when describing these behaviors. He can be the best kid and then it's like a switch has went off and he is no longer there.

I think I have actually seen a child like this once. I taught preschool for 9 years and I had one small child totally wig out one day. His eyes went blank as he raged through the classroom knocking over everything in sight. The other children were terrified, and my director scooted all of them out of the room. I stayed with the angry boy. After a few minutes of destruction, he seemed to wake up and come back to consciousness. He looked around at the destruction in the room and seemed to recognize that he had caused it. I don't think he remembered actually doing it, though. We had to expel him from the school. His mother was distraught, and I advised her to seek a neurological evaluation for her son.

I am also including a link to the parent report. You may find it useful to gather all of the information together to give any new doctors you may see a concise story of your child.
http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/parent-report-updated.225/#axzz47RXUUavX

Stay strong. One day you will find a way to help your son.