Pothead Detente, or Simply Defeated?
- Thread starter Mikey
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Ahhhh the ramen stage! When Jamie was first in the service he lived on Ramen, baked taters and peanut butter! We gave him a microwave for his barracks so he could nuke the taters and the water.
HereWeGoAgain
Grandpa
I remember subsisting at college on Ramen's first cousin, Mac 'N' Cheese, for weeks on end. Boiled water in a coffee pot on an (illegal) hot plate, added the powder direct, no milk, no butter. 7-11 five cent hot dogs on the side, sometimes.
Merris
New Member
"I've finally accepted that the son I knew is gone, never to return. And I grieve for that loss."
The son that you knew IS gone, but that doesn't mean that this sullen teenager is all that you can hope for. I SO understand your grief and I understand your feeling of loss, but recognize that though this is the road he is choosing right now, he can change and hopefully he will.
I realize that right now you and wife have to protect your hearts and you're right to do so, but as someone recently told me "where there is life, there is hope".
Hang on!
The son that you knew IS gone, but that doesn't mean that this sullen teenager is all that you can hope for. I SO understand your grief and I understand your feeling of loss, but recognize that though this is the road he is choosing right now, he can change and hopefully he will.
I realize that right now you and wife have to protect your hearts and you're right to do so, but as someone recently told me "where there is life, there is hope".
Hang on!
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Merris</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The son that you knew IS gone, but that doesn't mean that this sullen teenager is all that you can hope for... but recognize that though this is the road he is choosing right now, he can change and hopefully he will.</div></div>
Thanks for your comment. I figured that this is the case. But when he tries to manipulate us by trotting out the ghost of the kid he used to be (and that we knew and loved), it makes it very, very hard to have more than the basest level of concern for the neanderthal he's turned into.
And we STILL have to endure comments from everyone who knows him, everyone we talk to who tell us about a wonderful, polite, thoughtful, diligent child that they see but that doesn't live in my house.
It's just plain hard to not get sucked in to his web - but then again, I'm sure everyone here knows that.
Still detached - still on (legal) drugs - still breathing.
Mikey
Thanks for your comment. I figured that this is the case. But when he tries to manipulate us by trotting out the ghost of the kid he used to be (and that we knew and loved), it makes it very, very hard to have more than the basest level of concern for the neanderthal he's turned into.
And we STILL have to endure comments from everyone who knows him, everyone we talk to who tell us about a wonderful, polite, thoughtful, diligent child that they see but that doesn't live in my house.
It's just plain hard to not get sucked in to his web - but then again, I'm sure everyone here knows that.
Still detached - still on (legal) drugs - still breathing.
Mikey
KFld
New Member
The son you know may be gone right now, but it doesn't mean he will never be back. There is always hope and don't ever give that up. Though I was fortunate enough through even the worst of my difficult child's drug use, we never dealt with a lot of the disrespect and abuse that many of the difficult child's on this board deal out to their families, I thought I had lost my difficult child to drugs forever. I mourned the child I had lost and what he was never going to be, and there are still things I know he could have been and never will be, but he has remained clean for almost 8 months now and though our relationship is much different, in most ways better, we have gained our son back. I know you question right now what permanent impact your actions will have on your son and your relationship in the future, as I did the same, but I can tell you from experience that my actions in the end caused my son to have more respect for us then he did before. He knows everything we did was because we love him and couldn't sit back and watch him kill himself with drugs, though he wasn't capable of seeing that at the time, but now for today his head is clear and he can see it.
HereWeGoAgain
Grandpa
My daughter, too, has come around to a great extent from the bad ole days (well, the bad ole days are not that "ole", actually -- she has been clean three months). She wrote me a letter not long ago taking responsibility for having fought us and saying she now realizes how we were trying to do the right thing by her. At the time she thought, like your son, that we were control freaks whose only goal in life was to make her life h-e-double hockey sticks.
NOLA
New Member
Hello to All -- This is my first post (on this site - that is) I seem to find some comfort in reading about similar situations - boy have I found the right spot!
<span style="color: #CC0000"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is no talking. There is no discussion. There is no interaction or connection any more - at least not with me. Once or twice he's trotted out the ghost of the kid he used to be in front of his Mom, but neither of us are biting on that bait any more.</div></div></span>
Mikey, I just wanted to say we are right there with you going through the turmoil; walking on eggshells; hoping he'll see the light and just when you are lulled into a short period of calm something else comes into play to pull the rug out from under you.
Our son is 16 - gifted (but you'd never know it) ADD and now another label of ODD - he has boycotted school this past year & has basically said he WILL NOT PERFORM like a robot. He brought home all Fs and wants to get a GED. He also loves pot, and has tried many other drugs - he thinks drug laws are ridiculous and many adults "do" drugs and are quite sucessful. There is abosolutely no reasoning with him - he is a know-it-all. We reluctantly entered him into the "system" becuase of repeated runaways and truancy. He is on probation but doesn't seem to care about any consequences you can throw at him.
I recently found another forum that has helped me come to terms with letting go of MY hopes for him <span style="color: #3333FF">www.sengifted.org</span> and <span style="color: #3333FF">www.familiesanonymous.org</span> - it is so hard to watch them self-destruct and sink lower and lower - but other than shipping them off to a TBS or WC I have run out of options. I can't buy into that whole 'struggling teen' industry as a one-size fits all solution.
If any of you want to trade tips, etc., please feel free to email me - I'd love to hear how you handle your difficult child (I'm just learning the lingo)
When I find the strength I'll post my story in it's ugly entirety.
NOLA
<span style="color: #CC0000"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is no talking. There is no discussion. There is no interaction or connection any more - at least not with me. Once or twice he's trotted out the ghost of the kid he used to be in front of his Mom, but neither of us are biting on that bait any more.</div></div></span>
Mikey, I just wanted to say we are right there with you going through the turmoil; walking on eggshells; hoping he'll see the light and just when you are lulled into a short period of calm something else comes into play to pull the rug out from under you.
Our son is 16 - gifted (but you'd never know it) ADD and now another label of ODD - he has boycotted school this past year & has basically said he WILL NOT PERFORM like a robot. He brought home all Fs and wants to get a GED. He also loves pot, and has tried many other drugs - he thinks drug laws are ridiculous and many adults "do" drugs and are quite sucessful. There is abosolutely no reasoning with him - he is a know-it-all. We reluctantly entered him into the "system" becuase of repeated runaways and truancy. He is on probation but doesn't seem to care about any consequences you can throw at him.
I recently found another forum that has helped me come to terms with letting go of MY hopes for him <span style="color: #3333FF">www.sengifted.org</span> and <span style="color: #3333FF">www.familiesanonymous.org</span> - it is so hard to watch them self-destruct and sink lower and lower - but other than shipping them off to a TBS or WC I have run out of options. I can't buy into that whole 'struggling teen' industry as a one-size fits all solution.
If any of you want to trade tips, etc., please feel free to email me - I'd love to hear how you handle your difficult child (I'm just learning the lingo)
When I find the strength I'll post my story in it's ugly entirety.
NOLA
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
Hi, Cathy, and Bienvenue! I originally hail from the big red stick a little north of you (I think).
Maybe our children were twins separated at birth? I don't have any tips to offer you, since I can't "handle" my son. The only thing I've learned is how to handle myself and my surroundings.
While things aren't "good" by any means, they are better since I've given up trying to directly control him. Like your son, my son is suspected ODD. We've learned to avoid the "rage triggers" that bring on an ODD meltdown. That doesn't mean we don't deal with him when we need to. We just have to find another way than a frontal assault (which was the way I was for a long, long time - my travails with my son broke me of my type A personality).
And, it's only been recently that I've started to be able to separate myself and my life from his choices and his consequences. Not really good at it yet, but I'm learning.
I'm very sorry to hear that your son has such a rebellious streak. While my son can still bring both me and my wife to tears with his actions, he has yet to be as defiant as you describe your son. I can only imagine the turmoil and pain his actions must bring. But it sounds like you've found at least a couple of groups that can help you. Have you been to an FA meeting, or just to the website? I've thought about attending, but haven't gotten to one yet.
I'd like to hear your story, when you have time to post it. My story is pretty much "out there" (I like to write - it's my way of dealing with my life). Also, you may want to fill out your signature with a little more information about you and whatever family members you want to share with us (furbabies welcome too!)
Again, welcome to our board.
Mikey
Maybe our children were twins separated at birth? I don't have any tips to offer you, since I can't "handle" my son. The only thing I've learned is how to handle myself and my surroundings.
While things aren't "good" by any means, they are better since I've given up trying to directly control him. Like your son, my son is suspected ODD. We've learned to avoid the "rage triggers" that bring on an ODD meltdown. That doesn't mean we don't deal with him when we need to. We just have to find another way than a frontal assault (which was the way I was for a long, long time - my travails with my son broke me of my type A personality).
And, it's only been recently that I've started to be able to separate myself and my life from his choices and his consequences. Not really good at it yet, but I'm learning.
I'm very sorry to hear that your son has such a rebellious streak. While my son can still bring both me and my wife to tears with his actions, he has yet to be as defiant as you describe your son. I can only imagine the turmoil and pain his actions must bring. But it sounds like you've found at least a couple of groups that can help you. Have you been to an FA meeting, or just to the website? I've thought about attending, but haven't gotten to one yet.
I'd like to hear your story, when you have time to post it. My story is pretty much "out there" (I like to write - it's my way of dealing with my life). Also, you may want to fill out your signature with a little more information about you and whatever family members you want to share with us (furbabies welcome too!)
Again, welcome to our board.
Mikey
