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General Parenting
Really nervous. YS acting sweet. Don't trust him.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 747714" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so very sorry that you have to cope with this. It seems there is no end to the trauma, doesn't it? Even suspecting that YS may try to harm you and/or W seriously, and/or kill you, is a trauma that should be treated seriously.</p><p></p><p>As for the family event, I would NOT go. There are times I made HUGE mistakes with my kids. Each of those was allowed to happen by ignoring my instincts. I BEG you, do NOT ignore the instinct that says to stay away from YS. If he comes to your home and W insists on letting him in, go out a back door. Make sure you have a phone with you and call 911 if needed. </p><p></p><p>Don't ever think that just because he is a child, that he could not seriously harm you. He is an older teen now, and who knows what his brother, friends, or even his father have led him to believe is acceptable treatment of you. I lived through my violent child, partly through getting him out of the house at a crucial, painfully young age. I knew he was in a stable, safe place. I also had instincts that told me we were perilously close to the point of no return. I wish I hadn't let it get so close to that point. Don't stay quiet and later wish you had talked about this with W. If you cannot stop her attendance at the event, she is an adult. But you don't have to go. Many times people think I got my son out of our home because I loved him less than my other kids, or because I had given up on him. Those things are not true. I got him out to save him. To keep him from being able to do something irrevocable that would lead to a prison sentence or suicide when the guilt over his actions hit him. </p><p></p><p>I hope and pray that you stay safe, and that if YS is planning something, he does not carry it out. Well meaning relatives to give gifts, especially cash, to our children, are not always a blessing.</p><p></p><p>Maybe think of not attending as loving YS enough to NOT put him in a position to harm you. If he is expressing his anger to one relative, and hiding it to get money from another, this might be an approach that W can understand. It was the one argument that broke through to reach my own husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 747714, member: 1233"] I am so very sorry that you have to cope with this. It seems there is no end to the trauma, doesn't it? Even suspecting that YS may try to harm you and/or W seriously, and/or kill you, is a trauma that should be treated seriously. As for the family event, I would NOT go. There are times I made HUGE mistakes with my kids. Each of those was allowed to happen by ignoring my instincts. I BEG you, do NOT ignore the instinct that says to stay away from YS. If he comes to your home and W insists on letting him in, go out a back door. Make sure you have a phone with you and call 911 if needed. Don't ever think that just because he is a child, that he could not seriously harm you. He is an older teen now, and who knows what his brother, friends, or even his father have led him to believe is acceptable treatment of you. I lived through my violent child, partly through getting him out of the house at a crucial, painfully young age. I knew he was in a stable, safe place. I also had instincts that told me we were perilously close to the point of no return. I wish I hadn't let it get so close to that point. Don't stay quiet and later wish you had talked about this with W. If you cannot stop her attendance at the event, she is an adult. But you don't have to go. Many times people think I got my son out of our home because I loved him less than my other kids, or because I had given up on him. Those things are not true. I got him out to save him. To keep him from being able to do something irrevocable that would lead to a prison sentence or suicide when the guilt over his actions hit him. I hope and pray that you stay safe, and that if YS is planning something, he does not carry it out. Well meaning relatives to give gifts, especially cash, to our children, are not always a blessing. Maybe think of not attending as loving YS enough to NOT put him in a position to harm you. If he is expressing his anger to one relative, and hiding it to get money from another, this might be an approach that W can understand. It was the one argument that broke through to reach my own husband. [/QUOTE]
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Really nervous. YS acting sweet. Don't trust him.
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