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Really scared
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740757" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>I understand this well, and I think he's absolutely right. It's hard not to feel guilty enjoying things when I have kids who are homeless and struggling. But I've worked really, really hard for these things, and they don't seem to be putting in any effort towards their own lives at all. I can't carry multiple grown human beings on my back for my whole life. I can't sacrifice my own sanity, safety or future financial security for children who are not likely to ever be able to give anything back in terms of either care or material support. And yes, I have earned some time in my life to have peace and happiness. I didn't have it as a kid, I didn't have it in my marriage or while my kids were growing up, so if not now, when? Sometimes, having children like this feels like a lifetime prison sentence. I want to say <em>but I've already served my time! </em>And how sad would it be if we go through the rest of our lives without allowing ourselves to feel joy? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. somewhere between 3 and 4 is my worst time. Sometimes I wake up earlier. I can usually get to sleep, but if I wake up in the middle, it's really hard to turn my brain back off. I've found an app called Brainwave that I use with headphones. You can select from either relaxing music or a variety of nature sounds or white noise options (I like ocean surf). And then it has something called "binaural beats" underneath that supposedly entrains your brainwaves to induce certain mental states, such as focused, relaxed, alert, or ready to sleep. I'm 95% sure that this part is 95% bunk, scientifically speaking. But it works for me, so, you know, whatever. I guess we all have to find the brain hacks that let us get through each day (and night).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740757, member: 23349"] I understand this well, and I think he's absolutely right. It's hard not to feel guilty enjoying things when I have kids who are homeless and struggling. But I've worked really, really hard for these things, and they don't seem to be putting in any effort towards their own lives at all. I can't carry multiple grown human beings on my back for my whole life. I can't sacrifice my own sanity, safety or future financial security for children who are not likely to ever be able to give anything back in terms of either care or material support. And yes, I have earned some time in my life to have peace and happiness. I didn't have it as a kid, I didn't have it in my marriage or while my kids were growing up, so if not now, when? Sometimes, having children like this feels like a lifetime prison sentence. I want to say [I]but I've already served my time! [/I]And how sad would it be if we go through the rest of our lives without allowing ourselves to feel joy? Yep. somewhere between 3 and 4 is my worst time. Sometimes I wake up earlier. I can usually get to sleep, but if I wake up in the middle, it's really hard to turn my brain back off. I've found an app called Brainwave that I use with headphones. You can select from either relaxing music or a variety of nature sounds or white noise options (I like ocean surf). And then it has something called "binaural beats" underneath that supposedly entrains your brainwaves to induce certain mental states, such as focused, relaxed, alert, or ready to sleep. I'm 95% sure that this part is 95% bunk, scientifically speaking. But it works for me, so, you know, whatever. I guess we all have to find the brain hacks that let us get through each day (and night). [/QUOTE]
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