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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740779" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Beta, it is such a hard journey, that road towards acceptance. That's where I feel I am coming with two of mine, acceptance that I have already lost them. If they come back to me, I will embrace it as an unlooked-for miracle, as one returned from the dead. But holding onto hope each day is just too hard. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Involving the police is always going to be a complex equation. Sometimes there is no choice. I don't think it's a simple as "good cops" and "bad cops," either. I think most of them can be both, depending on the situation. This is not a profession that lends itself to nuance. It tends to attract those already prone to black and white thinking, and I think most of their training reinforces that. They are the thin blue line, and lines divide. Good people worthy of protection on one side, bad people in need of punishment on the other. For many of them, the way that you are treated will depend on which side of the line you are perceived to be on. I have seen the same officer treat a grieving mother with incredible compassion and respect and then brag about ways he treated his arrests that I found deplorable and unworthy of the profession. No, not all of them participate in this kind of thing or think in this way - but a lot of them do, and most of the others will turn a blind eye. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is something really important to keep in mind. You do not want to be perceived as one of "those" mothers - the enablers, the indulgers, the overly-involved pushy mothers who don't see their kids clearly. You don't want your kid dismissed with "well, I guess we know how he got this way." I really think they are harder on them if they have that perception. They need to see you as someone on their side of the line. A good mother who's done everything right and is reaching out to them for help for a kid who needs help. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think disengaging right now is the right thing to do. Focus on taking care of yourself. You made your report and your plea. You have no further concrete information indicating he's an imminent threat to anyone. You've made it clear to him that you want him to come home and will offer help if he wants it. You are a good and loving mother and you have done anything it would be possible for anyone to do to help him. This is not your fault, and it is out of your hands now. Give it to God, and try to find your own peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740779, member: 23349"] Beta, it is such a hard journey, that road towards acceptance. That's where I feel I am coming with two of mine, acceptance that I have already lost them. If they come back to me, I will embrace it as an unlooked-for miracle, as one returned from the dead. But holding onto hope each day is just too hard. Involving the police is always going to be a complex equation. Sometimes there is no choice. I don't think it's a simple as "good cops" and "bad cops," either. I think most of them can be both, depending on the situation. This is not a profession that lends itself to nuance. It tends to attract those already prone to black and white thinking, and I think most of their training reinforces that. They are the thin blue line, and lines divide. Good people worthy of protection on one side, bad people in need of punishment on the other. For many of them, the way that you are treated will depend on which side of the line you are perceived to be on. I have seen the same officer treat a grieving mother with incredible compassion and respect and then brag about ways he treated his arrests that I found deplorable and unworthy of the profession. No, not all of them participate in this kind of thing or think in this way - but a lot of them do, and most of the others will turn a blind eye. I think this is something really important to keep in mind. You do not want to be perceived as one of "those" mothers - the enablers, the indulgers, the overly-involved pushy mothers who don't see their kids clearly. You don't want your kid dismissed with "well, I guess we know how he got this way." I really think they are harder on them if they have that perception. They need to see you as someone on their side of the line. A good mother who's done everything right and is reaching out to them for help for a kid who needs help. I think disengaging right now is the right thing to do. Focus on taking care of yourself. You made your report and your plea. You have no further concrete information indicating he's an imminent threat to anyone. You've made it clear to him that you want him to come home and will offer help if he wants it. You are a good and loving mother and you have done anything it would be possible for anyone to do to help him. This is not your fault, and it is out of your hands now. Give it to God, and try to find your own peace. [/QUOTE]
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