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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751287" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Beta</p><p></p><p>You sound at peace. And strong. It sounds like you have turned a corner. And that a plan is coming together. Everything on your side of the fence, appears heading in the right direction and makes sense. You and your husband are coming to a common understanding and goals You and your sister have the potential to move closer.</p><p>I agree with Blindsided.</p><p></p><p>The only thing that concerns me is Josh. Not only his welfare but his potential to act out and to do harm.</p><p></p><p>I am worried that by going to visit your sister now at her house, you are entering a hornet's nest. In Josh's mind, this is his territory. Actually, I worry about him there at all. But I worry a great deal about you going there. I think he may experience it as inflammatory. Even if he does not act out against you, it sounds like your going there is a trigger for him.</p><p></p><p>For some reason you are his identified target. This is not your fault.</p><p></p><p>Rather, I suggest that you work with your sister away from the house. Also, I continue to worry that your sister and her family are not well-served by Josh being in her home. I recognize that his being there is taking away some of your stress and worry, but by his conduct he has shown that he is unstable and out of control--and thinking about violence. I would hope you rethink this visit.</p><p></p><p>Beta. There is a point where our adult children are responsible for themselves more than we are responsible for them. Even if they are mentally ill. When we take responsibility for them, when they are acting aggressively to us and to others, we risk enabling this behavior. If they go out on a limb, they are responsible. We can't crawl out after them. We just can't. Not only because we risk falling. But if they are out there on a limb, they risk hurting others. If we climb out there with them, we put ourselves into it too.</p><p></p><p>You know that my son is mentally ill, too. Our kids share several factors. This, they are adopted and they are biracial black and white. In what I have written, I have walked the walk. As emotional and overprotective and weak as I can be, with potential for violence, and self-harm I have done as I write.</p><p></p><p>Josh has crossed a line, where you can't follow him. This can change, but only if one way or another he stabilizes and becomes safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751287, member: 18958"] Hi Beta You sound at peace. And strong. It sounds like you have turned a corner. And that a plan is coming together. Everything on your side of the fence, appears heading in the right direction and makes sense. You and your husband are coming to a common understanding and goals You and your sister have the potential to move closer. I agree with Blindsided. The only thing that concerns me is Josh. Not only his welfare but his potential to act out and to do harm. I am worried that by going to visit your sister now at her house, you are entering a hornet's nest. In Josh's mind, this is his territory. Actually, I worry about him there at all. But I worry a great deal about you going there. I think he may experience it as inflammatory. Even if he does not act out against you, it sounds like your going there is a trigger for him. For some reason you are his identified target. This is not your fault. Rather, I suggest that you work with your sister away from the house. Also, I continue to worry that your sister and her family are not well-served by Josh being in her home. I recognize that his being there is taking away some of your stress and worry, but by his conduct he has shown that he is unstable and out of control--and thinking about violence. I would hope you rethink this visit. Beta. There is a point where our adult children are responsible for themselves more than we are responsible for them. Even if they are mentally ill. When we take responsibility for them, when they are acting aggressively to us and to others, we risk enabling this behavior. If they go out on a limb, they are responsible. We can't crawl out after them. We just can't. Not only because we risk falling. But if they are out there on a limb, they risk hurting others. If we climb out there with them, we put ourselves into it too. You know that my son is mentally ill, too. Our kids share several factors. This, they are adopted and they are biracial black and white. In what I have written, I have walked the walk. As emotional and overprotective and weak as I can be, with potential for violence, and self-harm I have done as I write. Josh has crossed a line, where you can't follow him. This can change, but only if one way or another he stabilizes and becomes safe. [/QUOTE]
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