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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 751365" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>When they are so young, in particular, I don't think we are helped by writing off our kids, even in the short term. It was tempting for me. But when I tried to I vacillated and ended up in even greater pain. We don't have to do that, in order to control our own behavior. There are more than two speeds. Not only enmeshment and rejection.</p></blockquote><p></p><p>Copa, can you elaborate on this quote a little? I guess I feel confused a bit. I'm wondering if I've made the right decision now with my two sons to detach from their abusive, non caring, irresponsible ways. The younger one definately has ADHD and PTSD and the older is undiagnosed but his verbal abuse at the drop of a dime is not normal. Neither is their lack of desire to work, to have independence and their own apartments and pay their own bills etc. I've tried to help them over the years just as all of us mothers here have likely done but when they don't accept help and continue their behaviors which don't move them forward in life. What can we do?</p><p></p><p>Are you suggesting that detaching "with love" and/or whatever it takes initially to protect ourselves is not something you would advise in your experience or am I misunderstanding?</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 751365, member: 23405"] When they are so young, in particular, I don't think we are helped by writing off our kids, even in the short term. It was tempting for me. But when I tried to I vacillated and ended up in even greater pain. We don't have to do that, in order to control our own behavior. There are more than two speeds. Not only enmeshment and rejection.[/QUOTE] Copa, can you elaborate on this quote a little? I guess I feel confused a bit. I'm wondering if I've made the right decision now with my two sons to detach from their abusive, non caring, irresponsible ways. The younger one definately has ADHD and PTSD and the older is undiagnosed but his verbal abuse at the drop of a dime is not normal. Neither is their lack of desire to work, to have independence and their own apartments and pay their own bills etc. I've tried to help them over the years just as all of us mothers here have likely done but when they don't accept help and continue their behaviors which don't move them forward in life. What can we do? Are you suggesting that detaching "with love" and/or whatever it takes initially to protect ourselves is not something you would advise in your experience or am I misunderstanding? [/QUOTE]
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