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General Parenting
Remember Those Behavior Goals I Was Supposed to Write...?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 423138" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>DaisyFace, I agree that InsaneCdn didn't know the full story when she first posted. BUT I think she has something you could use. Or modify.</p><p></p><p>I agree, it is totally unacceptable to 'allow' or reward ANY level of violence towards an individual. The "six days out of seven" approach - I would threaten the caseworker with calling CPS on them for even suggesting that a kid be rewarded for beating up on her brother only one day out of seven. But they want to use some form of intermediate stage, and possibly there could be something in making it the level of violence rather than the quantity. Of course we know tis is purely an intellectual exercise - OUR aim is to get across to this idiot caseworker, that what she is asking it totally unreasonable and inhumane. But the way to do this is to cooperate reasonably, where remotely possible. Make GOOD suggestions (or at least better ones than the idiot is suggesting).</p><p></p><p>How about (just throwing it out there) - rewarding her for not making physical contact with anybody during her rages? In other words, we know she will act out with aggression, but if it is all display and non-contact, it is an improvement.</p><p></p><p>But there has to be zero tolerance for physical violence on another human being. No "reward charts" can be used here that allow "6 days out of 7". Ask caseworker what she would do if, during one of her sessions with difficult child, the girl tried to throttle her or blacked her eye. Would she press charges? Would her family and friends urge her to press charges? What would she do?</p><p></p><p>Then ask her why anybody else should be accepting more beatings than she is. You have reached the level of zero tolerance, because that is the line in the sand that must be drawn. She has no right to ask you to relax it to unacceptable levels that allow harm to another individual. Nobody has the rigt to accept an increased level of harm to anybody but themselves. If YOU choose to allow "6 days out of 7" where it related to violence done to you personally, that is YOUR choice for YOU. Nobody should ever make such a call for another person, let alone a child who is smaller, younger and already traumatised.</p><p></p><p>This idiot caseworker needs a wake-up call and a threat to ask CPS for their opinion of such a caseworker could do the trick.</p><p></p><p>But in the meantime - a compromise on "If she does not make physical contact at all (dump the "6 days out of 7" entirely, it is counterproductive and says, "at some level, this is OK") then she can earn some level of reward" might be accepted by this idiot. But frankly, although I am not usually in favour of punishment, someone deliberately hurting another individual is in my mind a punishment issue. The punishment has to fit the crime, though. Removing TV privileges, for example, for someone attacking another person doesn't have anything to do with the attack. It needs to be relevant. A far more relevant (and natural) consequence is, not being allowed to be alone with anybody vulnerable. Curtailment of freedom (no sleepovers, no going to the mall, no friends over - social isolation because the attacker clearly cannot be trusted in social situations).</p><p></p><p>I'm not suggesting you propose this to idiot caseworker; she is reward-focussed. But keep it in mind for when idiot caseworker either wakes up or gets removed.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 423138, member: 1991"] DaisyFace, I agree that InsaneCdn didn't know the full story when she first posted. BUT I think she has something you could use. Or modify. I agree, it is totally unacceptable to 'allow' or reward ANY level of violence towards an individual. The "six days out of seven" approach - I would threaten the caseworker with calling CPS on them for even suggesting that a kid be rewarded for beating up on her brother only one day out of seven. But they want to use some form of intermediate stage, and possibly there could be something in making it the level of violence rather than the quantity. Of course we know tis is purely an intellectual exercise - OUR aim is to get across to this idiot caseworker, that what she is asking it totally unreasonable and inhumane. But the way to do this is to cooperate reasonably, where remotely possible. Make GOOD suggestions (or at least better ones than the idiot is suggesting). How about (just throwing it out there) - rewarding her for not making physical contact with anybody during her rages? In other words, we know she will act out with aggression, but if it is all display and non-contact, it is an improvement. But there has to be zero tolerance for physical violence on another human being. No "reward charts" can be used here that allow "6 days out of 7". Ask caseworker what she would do if, during one of her sessions with difficult child, the girl tried to throttle her or blacked her eye. Would she press charges? Would her family and friends urge her to press charges? What would she do? Then ask her why anybody else should be accepting more beatings than she is. You have reached the level of zero tolerance, because that is the line in the sand that must be drawn. She has no right to ask you to relax it to unacceptable levels that allow harm to another individual. Nobody has the rigt to accept an increased level of harm to anybody but themselves. If YOU choose to allow "6 days out of 7" where it related to violence done to you personally, that is YOUR choice for YOU. Nobody should ever make such a call for another person, let alone a child who is smaller, younger and already traumatised. This idiot caseworker needs a wake-up call and a threat to ask CPS for their opinion of such a caseworker could do the trick. But in the meantime - a compromise on "If she does not make physical contact at all (dump the "6 days out of 7" entirely, it is counterproductive and says, "at some level, this is OK") then she can earn some level of reward" might be accepted by this idiot. But frankly, although I am not usually in favour of punishment, someone deliberately hurting another individual is in my mind a punishment issue. The punishment has to fit the crime, though. Removing TV privileges, for example, for someone attacking another person doesn't have anything to do with the attack. It needs to be relevant. A far more relevant (and natural) consequence is, not being allowed to be alone with anybody vulnerable. Curtailment of freedom (no sleepovers, no going to the mall, no friends over - social isolation because the attacker clearly cannot be trusted in social situations). I'm not suggesting you propose this to idiot caseworker; she is reward-focussed. But keep it in mind for when idiot caseworker either wakes up or gets removed. Marg [/QUOTE]
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