Good morning,
It has been a long time since I posted here. My drug addicted, shizoaffective niece, is coming up on a year in a lockdown mental health facility. She has come a really long way, and also seems to be somewhat stable on her medications. The staff of the facility feel as if it is time to give her "step down" services, which means she would be discharged to a board and care facility. Her medications would be administered by the nursing staff. However, other than going to AA meetings, she has no plans as to what to do with the rest of her day. She has a 15 year history of chronic drug abuse. All they offer is medication admin, and a curfew. She is free to come and go as she pleases. I think we all realize what will happen next.
As her LPS Conservator, it is up to me when and where she is placed. Her mother ( my sister) have been down this road of addiction with her dozens of times.
Her father has now reappeared after a 20 year hiatus of no contact with her. They both agree that they would like me to supervise her, forever. WHich I am willing to do, but it seems like although they have the financial resources to help, they have not offered any type of concrete solution.
My sister has over a million dollars in equity in her home, but her plan is to buy a condo with her POS boyfriend, and eventually sell all three properties, His hers, and theirs. And then move to AZ where she can HELP me with HER daughter. Help me? This is her daughter not mine, and this is years away. Her father, spent his entire career as a firefighter, he has substanital savings, and a healthy pension. He also feels that I would be the best caregiver for his daughter.
The issue is: I have very limited financial resources. I have about 100K equity in my home. Which I would like to leave to my 4 sons.
I feel like they are expecting me to use my limited resources , such as : sell your home and move back to CA, and find somewhere to live with her. I offered to stay in my sisters home, and care for her daughter, but I would not be paying rent. She has two other adult children, who contribute NOTHING, they dont work, and they leach off of my sister. One is 33, the other is 26. They hate one another. I said there would have to be rules that apply to all of the children, such as: contributing to the family chores, getting jobs, etc. But she doees not want me telling her adult children what to do. Even though they need a good ass kicking. The father, has hinted that he might help, but nothing set in stone. I was very blunt, because he asked for me to be blunt. I stated that if he bought a house, ( which he can pay cash for) I would live there and care for his daughter. Between my social security and her SSI, and with some help from In Home social services, we could contribute about 3 k a month for expenses.
I feel like I am being manipulated and very taken advantage of. I realize I am co-dependant. I would have to up-end my life, which I have worked hard to maintain. I appreciate my peace and quiet. I work part time, and am very active in my community. And they expect me to walk away from my peaceful life and step into a pile of
for their daughter. I feel so guilty for even framing them in this way, but they are taking advantage of me. How can I resolve this? Should I just walk away from it all? If the roles were reversed my sister would never even contemplate caring for one of my grown children. That would be my job, not hers. This is eating me alive. Any advice is appreciatted. Thank you.
It has been a long time since I posted here. My drug addicted, shizoaffective niece, is coming up on a year in a lockdown mental health facility. She has come a really long way, and also seems to be somewhat stable on her medications. The staff of the facility feel as if it is time to give her "step down" services, which means she would be discharged to a board and care facility. Her medications would be administered by the nursing staff. However, other than going to AA meetings, she has no plans as to what to do with the rest of her day. She has a 15 year history of chronic drug abuse. All they offer is medication admin, and a curfew. She is free to come and go as she pleases. I think we all realize what will happen next.
As her LPS Conservator, it is up to me when and where she is placed. Her mother ( my sister) have been down this road of addiction with her dozens of times.
Her father has now reappeared after a 20 year hiatus of no contact with her. They both agree that they would like me to supervise her, forever. WHich I am willing to do, but it seems like although they have the financial resources to help, they have not offered any type of concrete solution.
My sister has over a million dollars in equity in her home, but her plan is to buy a condo with her POS boyfriend, and eventually sell all three properties, His hers, and theirs. And then move to AZ where she can HELP me with HER daughter. Help me? This is her daughter not mine, and this is years away. Her father, spent his entire career as a firefighter, he has substanital savings, and a healthy pension. He also feels that I would be the best caregiver for his daughter.
The issue is: I have very limited financial resources. I have about 100K equity in my home. Which I would like to leave to my 4 sons.
I feel like they are expecting me to use my limited resources , such as : sell your home and move back to CA, and find somewhere to live with her. I offered to stay in my sisters home, and care for her daughter, but I would not be paying rent. She has two other adult children, who contribute NOTHING, they dont work, and they leach off of my sister. One is 33, the other is 26. They hate one another. I said there would have to be rules that apply to all of the children, such as: contributing to the family chores, getting jobs, etc. But she doees not want me telling her adult children what to do. Even though they need a good ass kicking. The father, has hinted that he might help, but nothing set in stone. I was very blunt, because he asked for me to be blunt. I stated that if he bought a house, ( which he can pay cash for) I would live there and care for his daughter. Between my social security and her SSI, and with some help from In Home social services, we could contribute about 3 k a month for expenses.
I feel like I am being manipulated and very taken advantage of. I realize I am co-dependant. I would have to up-end my life, which I have worked hard to maintain. I appreciate my peace and quiet. I work part time, and am very active in my community. And they expect me to walk away from my peaceful life and step into a pile of
for their daughter. I feel so guilty for even framing them in this way, but they are taking advantage of me. How can I resolve this? Should I just walk away from it all? If the roles were reversed my sister would never even contemplate caring for one of my grown children. That would be my job, not hers. This is eating me alive. Any advice is appreciatted. Thank you.
