He's been back a little over a week. It hasn't been terrible but it sure hasn't been a day at Disney World. The good news is that as far as I know he's been clean the whole time, with the exception of smoking pot, but in a case of choose your battles, I would much rather have him smoking than doing the other drugs. I can't really say anything about that, because my husband smokes on occasion and most of our friends do in varying degrees and amounts. The bad news is he's still antagonistic towards me and continues to throw little passive-aggressive jabs, but I have been really good about not taking the bait and jumping into drama with him.
He's staying with a friend but hangs out here a lot and has spent a couple nights here when he had a series of job interviews around the corner from my house. But every day it seems he asks me for favors, usually multiple times a day. (Not money so far though) and I don't know why it bothers me like it does except that it seems to be never-ending. Today he took the bus across town to a friend's house who had a quiet room where he could do a video interview. He called and asked me if I would call him an Uber to my house because he had just enough to get back to the place where he's staying on the bus. I said yes but then there was some confusion and that fell through. So then after he got here we made plans to meet my husband at the Greek Festival when he got off work and he asked if we would just call him an Uber from there to get back "home." Didn't really want to, but sure, no problem. (Hey at least that meant he wouldn't be staying with us tonight!) But then in the meantime he decided to meet up with some friends and go out after the Greek Festival, and would I please call him an Uber when he was ready to go home. I told him we would be going to bed around midnight so if it was after that, no dice. He told me I was being difficult and noncooperative. Because it's perfectly okay to wake your mother or anyone late at night to have them call you an Uber, right??? I mean, how inconsiderate can one person be??? We exchanged words until I realized we would just be spinning our wheels and getting nowhere and just disengaged. So we just sat in our own little corners doing our own little things and not talking for maybe an hour.
Finally the atmosphere cleared and we were able to speak civilly and it was time to get ready to go to the Greek Festival. If you've been to a Greek Festival you know it's CROWDED. And we're in this long cafeteria-style line to get food when his phone rings and he answers it and has a chat with someone while we're trying to order food, put it on our trays, and get through the line. Really??? And during the commotion my son starts asking for baklava like a little kid. Bad timing, if he had waited until we got out of the line and found a place to sit my husband would have had no problem sending me or my son to another line with just desserts to get him baklava. But instead my husband just got irritated, rightfully so. After we ate we went outside to watch the dancing, and it was raining! So my son decides to go ahead and leave to meet his friends. No problem with that, except I told him it would be nice if he told my husband thank you again and that he was leaving. To which he said "I've already said thank you three times, Mom! Geez!" He told me goodbye and he was gone. Not a word to my husband, his "host" who had bought his dinner.
I don't know why it still amazes and surprises me that he shows little or no common courtesy such as thanking his host one more time and telling him good night. I don't know why he's like that, if there's anything I can do to get through to him that this is unacceptable, and how to deal with it without starting World War III. Is it possible to even get through to an almost 30 year old? Should I just stay silent and grit my teeth when he's here until I get to the point of telling him he's no longer welcome here under any circumstances? What would you all do? I'm actually wondering if he's been misdiagnosed and is narcissistic rather than bipolar, or maybe a combination of the two. But I do know that this his complete lack of empathy or consideration for anyone other than himself is not the way I tried to bring him up.
He's staying with a friend but hangs out here a lot and has spent a couple nights here when he had a series of job interviews around the corner from my house. But every day it seems he asks me for favors, usually multiple times a day. (Not money so far though) and I don't know why it bothers me like it does except that it seems to be never-ending. Today he took the bus across town to a friend's house who had a quiet room where he could do a video interview. He called and asked me if I would call him an Uber to my house because he had just enough to get back to the place where he's staying on the bus. I said yes but then there was some confusion and that fell through. So then after he got here we made plans to meet my husband at the Greek Festival when he got off work and he asked if we would just call him an Uber from there to get back "home." Didn't really want to, but sure, no problem. (Hey at least that meant he wouldn't be staying with us tonight!) But then in the meantime he decided to meet up with some friends and go out after the Greek Festival, and would I please call him an Uber when he was ready to go home. I told him we would be going to bed around midnight so if it was after that, no dice. He told me I was being difficult and noncooperative. Because it's perfectly okay to wake your mother or anyone late at night to have them call you an Uber, right??? I mean, how inconsiderate can one person be??? We exchanged words until I realized we would just be spinning our wheels and getting nowhere and just disengaged. So we just sat in our own little corners doing our own little things and not talking for maybe an hour.
Finally the atmosphere cleared and we were able to speak civilly and it was time to get ready to go to the Greek Festival. If you've been to a Greek Festival you know it's CROWDED. And we're in this long cafeteria-style line to get food when his phone rings and he answers it and has a chat with someone while we're trying to order food, put it on our trays, and get through the line. Really??? And during the commotion my son starts asking for baklava like a little kid. Bad timing, if he had waited until we got out of the line and found a place to sit my husband would have had no problem sending me or my son to another line with just desserts to get him baklava. But instead my husband just got irritated, rightfully so. After we ate we went outside to watch the dancing, and it was raining! So my son decides to go ahead and leave to meet his friends. No problem with that, except I told him it would be nice if he told my husband thank you again and that he was leaving. To which he said "I've already said thank you three times, Mom! Geez!" He told me goodbye and he was gone. Not a word to my husband, his "host" who had bought his dinner.
I don't know why it still amazes and surprises me that he shows little or no common courtesy such as thanking his host one more time and telling him good night. I don't know why he's like that, if there's anything I can do to get through to him that this is unacceptable, and how to deal with it without starting World War III. Is it possible to even get through to an almost 30 year old? Should I just stay silent and grit my teeth when he's here until I get to the point of telling him he's no longer welcome here under any circumstances? What would you all do? I'm actually wondering if he's been misdiagnosed and is narcissistic rather than bipolar, or maybe a combination of the two. But I do know that this his complete lack of empathy or consideration for anyone other than himself is not the way I tried to bring him up.