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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750793" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I went to AA for awhile. I am not an alcoholic but I identified with the people there, felt comfortable in the group and learned a lot. There was a young woman in the group. She is about 40. Her life was screwed up in all manner of ways. She was a drug addict, alcoholic, bipolar, a prostitute. And that was just the start of it. Then she had a near fatal car accident and became profoundly disabled.</p><p></p><p>Long story short. She loves her life NOW. She is married, she has a 7 year old child, she is filled with gratitude. She accepts her disabilities and everything else in her life, as necessary elements on her path, to bring her to her love of her life now.</p><p></p><p>This woman posts a lot on Facebook and on an hour to hour basis I am able to see how she is responding to and handling her life challenges. She is extremely open about her challenges, her moods, and her thinking. All of the wildness, the volatility, the impulsivity and the drama is still there. But she's different. It's inspiring.</p><p> </p><p>I have been studying my faith a lot. And I am reading something similar. That each of us is in exactly the place that we need to be to learn the lessons that we need to learn. That there is no better or worse spot to be in. That we may aspire to be rich or thin or successful (or not) but these are NOT what is going to make life easier or better for us. I don't know if I buy it (yet) but I'm getting there.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your granddaughter is growing in her acceptance of her limitations and is accepting more your support and counsel. If that is the case, that is a huge deal. All of these obstacles and injuries she has experienced seemed to have calmed her some, and stopped her in her tracks, as no other thing could have.</p><p></p><p>I am consulting somebody to learn a spiritual orientation. I spoke for nearly an hour about my sadness and worry about my son. At the end of the time, the man said, <em>you have no control here in these stories. Where you have control is in you. I have a new story for you, a simple story. The new story is this: What would it be, to be a spiritual practitioner, to serve G-d? </em></p><p></p><p>You see, with all of these travails our children experience, we have no position, no role. We are passive.</p><p></p><p>In my experience with my son (bipolar diagnosis, two brain injuries, chronic hep B he acquired at birth, prenatal drug exposure, abandonment as an infant, marijuana dependence, etc.) there is NOTHING I can do. It's like plagues keep coming at me and I am helpless. Every single thing I suggest or try to put into effect, he either bats down or life does it for him.</p><p></p><p>I recognize that most people would not feel as desperate and helpless over their children as I do to come to a spiritual conversion. But sometimes we have to lay down our arms, and sit down on the ground, where we are. And that is the strongest, most stable position. Sometimes there is nothing to do, except to surrender to the recognition and reality that the solutions we can make, are very limited, but they can come. Not in our time. Not on our terms. Not what we thought or wanted. Meanwhile, all we can do is love them. Right where they (and we) are.</p><p></p><p>My son is back with me in the other house. I am right here with you KSM. My goals are very, very circumscribed now. First and foremost, <em>I want him to stay and I want him to get medical care.</em> *Well, there's always the marijuana, but what can I say?</p><p></p><p>Guess what? Yesterday M told me that my son told him how he wants to try to get his driver's license back. (It was taken either because of the first brain injury or a psychiatric hospitalization, I'm not sure.)</p><p></p><p>I guess what I am trying to accept is that <em>I don't make trees grow</em>. Just because there's one in my yard, doesn't mean I'm responsible *or able to make it grow. I have a limited role. If it grows, I can have gratitude. And wonder.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that the only thing really in my sphere of control is my mindset. But that is a lot.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted KSM. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750793, member: 18958"] I went to AA for awhile. I am not an alcoholic but I identified with the people there, felt comfortable in the group and learned a lot. There was a young woman in the group. She is about 40. Her life was screwed up in all manner of ways. She was a drug addict, alcoholic, bipolar, a prostitute. And that was just the start of it. Then she had a near fatal car accident and became profoundly disabled. Long story short. She loves her life NOW. She is married, she has a 7 year old child, she is filled with gratitude. She accepts her disabilities and everything else in her life, as necessary elements on her path, to bring her to her love of her life now. This woman posts a lot on Facebook and on an hour to hour basis I am able to see how she is responding to and handling her life challenges. She is extremely open about her challenges, her moods, and her thinking. All of the wildness, the volatility, the impulsivity and the drama is still there. But she's different. It's inspiring. I have been studying my faith a lot. And I am reading something similar. That each of us is in exactly the place that we need to be to learn the lessons that we need to learn. That there is no better or worse spot to be in. That we may aspire to be rich or thin or successful (or not) but these are NOT what is going to make life easier or better for us. I don't know if I buy it (yet) but I'm getting there. It sounds like your granddaughter is growing in her acceptance of her limitations and is accepting more your support and counsel. If that is the case, that is a huge deal. All of these obstacles and injuries she has experienced seemed to have calmed her some, and stopped her in her tracks, as no other thing could have. I am consulting somebody to learn a spiritual orientation. I spoke for nearly an hour about my sadness and worry about my son. At the end of the time, the man said, [I]you have no control here in these stories. Where you have control is in you. I have a new story for you, a simple story. The new story is this: What would it be, to be a spiritual practitioner, to serve G-d? [/I] You see, with all of these travails our children experience, we have no position, no role. We are passive. In my experience with my son (bipolar diagnosis, two brain injuries, chronic hep B he acquired at birth, prenatal drug exposure, abandonment as an infant, marijuana dependence, etc.) there is NOTHING I can do. It's like plagues keep coming at me and I am helpless. Every single thing I suggest or try to put into effect, he either bats down or life does it for him. I recognize that most people would not feel as desperate and helpless over their children as I do to come to a spiritual conversion. But sometimes we have to lay down our arms, and sit down on the ground, where we are. And that is the strongest, most stable position. Sometimes there is nothing to do, except to surrender to the recognition and reality that the solutions we can make, are very limited, but they can come. Not in our time. Not on our terms. Not what we thought or wanted. Meanwhile, all we can do is love them. Right where they (and we) are. My son is back with me in the other house. I am right here with you KSM. My goals are very, very circumscribed now. First and foremost, [I]I want him to stay and I want him to get medical care.[/I] *Well, there's always the marijuana, but what can I say? Guess what? Yesterday M told me that my son told him how he wants to try to get his driver's license back. (It was taken either because of the first brain injury or a psychiatric hospitalization, I'm not sure.) I guess what I am trying to accept is that [I]I don't make trees grow[/I]. Just because there's one in my yard, doesn't mean I'm responsible *or able to make it grow. I have a limited role. If it grows, I can have gratitude. And wonder. I am seeing that the only thing really in my sphere of control is my mindset. But that is a lot. I am glad you posted KSM. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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