It's a process to get to place of acceptance and to not be in a constant state of worry. I've been where you are. My son had times where he has been downright evil towards me. If I hadn't heard and or read the things he said, I wouldn't have believed that my one and only child could be so hateful towards me. There was a time I was too afraid to tell him no and I let that fear overcome and control me. I wish I would have found this site so many, many years ago. I truly feel had I known just how many other parents were dealing with the same crap and had I been privileged to the sage advice within these pages, I truly feel I could have saved years of worrying and also lots of money.
One of the hardest but also best things I ever did for myself was to really and truly accept the fact that my son could die and I may not ever know. It's a hard reality but it's just that, a reality that could happen due to the way my son chooses to live. The longest I have gone without hearing anything from my son was over a year.
I will always love him and I will always hold him in my prayers but gone are the days of allowing him to hold my emotions hostage. My son still wants to blame me and my husband for how screwed up his life is but I'm better equipped now in my response. Now, I tell him, "I have zero power or control over your life. Your life is what it is because of the choices you have made"
JPG, you will get to a place of peace as long as you work towards that goal.
I'm so glad you are here with us.
