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Parent Emeritus
Saying NO and setting Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 749068" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>So much this!!! I really want to stress the importance of this site for understanding and support, and here's why. I talked to many of my friends and relatives about my daughter's problems. Most of them had "advice" ("You just need to TELL her!") or asked why I hadn't done this or that. They really cannot understand the issues we face unless they have been there themselves. While they were well meaning I found they were also frequently judgmental or condescending. Struggling with troubled adult children is its own hell as we are so limited in what we can do simply because they are adults. Other people cannot comprehend the lengths we have gone to to try and save our kids. In reality once they are adults the best we can do is save ourselves and hope they come around one day. Coming to this site helped me learn about boundaries and how to maintain them. It also helped me see I'm not a bad mother. I don't have to be consumed by guilt and forever trying to make amends because my daughter has made poor choices in living her life. Those choices are hers, and have nothing to do with me or what kind of mother I am. Every parent makes mistakes and does dumb things, our kids just happen to be struggling. Any other parent could have done exactly the things we did as parents and their kid turns out fine, we aren't so lucky for whatever reason. Those of us here obviously care for and love our children or we would not be here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 749068, member: 11235"] So much this!!! I really want to stress the importance of this site for understanding and support, and here's why. I talked to many of my friends and relatives about my daughter's problems. Most of them had "advice" ("You just need to TELL her!") or asked why I hadn't done this or that. They really cannot understand the issues we face unless they have been there themselves. While they were well meaning I found they were also frequently judgmental or condescending. Struggling with troubled adult children is its own hell as we are so limited in what we can do simply because they are adults. Other people cannot comprehend the lengths we have gone to to try and save our kids. In reality once they are adults the best we can do is save ourselves and hope they come around one day. Coming to this site helped me learn about boundaries and how to maintain them. It also helped me see I'm not a bad mother. I don't have to be consumed by guilt and forever trying to make amends because my daughter has made poor choices in living her life. Those choices are hers, and have nothing to do with me or what kind of mother I am. Every parent makes mistakes and does dumb things, our kids just happen to be struggling. Any other parent could have done exactly the things we did as parents and their kid turns out fine, we aren't so lucky for whatever reason. Those of us here obviously care for and love our children or we would not be here. [/QUOTE]
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Saying NO and setting Boundaries
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