bumped in to a doorway and 'hurt her BC implant" in her arm ... she wanted to make sure it was ok ...She had it removed. ... she could have a new one put in if she wanted.
HI KSM,
Uh Oh! I am
shaking my head also. This does not look good to me. I understand this situation well. I've always belived there are "
no accidents" ...
Often times a young / troubled female teen (especially one of low self-esteem / confused emotional issues) unconsciously / subconsciously desires a pregnancy because of a subconscious inner desire to be a mother and to be a grown-up (and to be needed and wanted). This is often subconscious desire because they are not even aware of / or are hesitant to acknowledge (may not even realize ) something is missing in their life, that they want to be accepted, or want to fit in or be in special circumstances (
like if other friends or acquaintances are pregnant, she can fit in .... or if others are not and she is, then she is special). Often these young troubled ladies want to have something special that maybe others don’t have, want something to define them, something to make them feel accepted or to rationalize their situation, and something to make them feel wanted and needed and to have a purpose, and to be their identity. (
A baby certainly makes you feel needed and wanted and gives a purpose – they won’t let you forget it - ever!)
All this churning turmoil and hormones are working overtime... it's all there under the surface in the teen (often female) who has a low self-esteem and confused emotions (even if that feeling is subconscious, which it appears may be true in your 18 yrs. old Difficult Child.) But they do not understand the deep psychology of it, don't know and don't understand the truth of themselves and what's happening.
So they often find a reason/ a way to make it possible to make that something happen to start the ball rolling .... (e.g. breaking the implant / having it removed … delaying the replacement options) - making it appear that the circumstances for the event (pregnancy happening) was not their fault at all … it was not intentional – it just happened – (the implant broke in an accident - huh? -
we know there are no accidents. - - it was not replaced on time - huh? -
it was not wanted! ) - so they are a victim now, it's not their fault, and now - Look ! they have their something “special”.
Since she apparently has no one else to offer her the wisdom and guidance like you can, it seems your responsible counsel might at least let her know that you are really concerned about her not having any BC, since in the event she became pregnant, you could not help her. You could no longer be a support system in that situation. You might / should remind her that you may not be around long to help. (I
am several years older than you - so I can say this. I know it gets harder and more draining on your physical energy and psyche - not good for "senior" health). She indeed may picture you being around forever to always be there in the crises.
While you cannot force her to get the BC as she is an adult, I believe it is right for you and I would feel a responsibility to warn her of the consequences - just for your own peace of mind, so that you know you did counsel her to let her know that she may have a limited support system, and that you would have to remain detached from that situation. (This may be hard for her to believe or even think possible…)
Explain you have always wanted the best for her, and have tried your best to set her up for success to want to see her as a loving mom sometime if she wants, in the best situation where she and a baby can be together and mutually cared for and loved, and that she will see down the road some years that she is better able to reap the joy from that situation later. ( This will be hard to do I know.)
Perhaps to tell her that in the situation, if she were to become pregnant any time soon, she would probably have three choices:
· She could have the baby and raise the child herself – and medical care and all else on her own. (She is a legal adult now. She alone is responsible for herself and for any child she births)
· She can have the baby and place it for adoption or foster care
· She can end the pregnancy.
In the event she were to get pregnant anytime soon , she would have to decide which choice is right for her, but it is not an easy decision.
· How would each choice affect her everyday life? Her life FOREVER AFTER - (perhaps initial loss of friends, not able to work, isolated, no money, etc.)
· What would each choice mean to the people closest to her?
· What does she believe is best for her in the long run? (Really, she probably has no idea, and is only thinking / and can only think of the moment.)
· How would her choice affect her financially? – for likely the entire rest of her life.
These are hard truths for a young person to understand and be receptive to listening about, but it is the hard reality. You certainly could not be involved further in such an event in your life I know, and I think you have to be sure she knows that.
I’m rushing to get this posted as I have little time at the moment, so forgive me if it seems a bit disjointed and rushed. I totally understand where you are with this, and lend my sympathy, interest, and concern with you about it. I have followed along in your posts about her, and greatly admire all you have done for your daughters (granddaughters). You are amazing. Take Care.
We can only take one day at a time. ~ Kalahou
