She's not PG but .....

[meowbunny]

Well, after saying she would come over 4 different times now, she called today and said we should just talk on the phone -- she doesn't have the money for gas.

So, first thing I did was ask her if she was pregnant. NO :whew:

Next was to discuss the accident. The story has changed from she hit the other car to the other car hit her. She has always said the other girl was speeding and I do believe that -- even if it changes nothing. However, since the accident wasn't her fault, she has no responsibiity and, besides, my insurance should cover it even though she was driving without permission and she is specifically excluded. I truly love this specious logic.

Then I told her I wanted my things back, including the money she owed me. (Not much, but she had no right to spend it -- it was for her to take the last of the GED testing and get her certificate, which didn't happen.) I told her she had until next Tuesday to deliver the furnishings, some Netflix movies and the money or I would report the items stolen to the police.

She hung up on me, which is typical for her when screaming and/or putting the blame on me doesn't work.

I called her back and she was in tears. Sadly, I honestly didn't care. I am so sick of the logic, the lack of responsibility, the lack of .......... I did tell her three things: 1. I loved her; 2. I would help her as much as I could emotionally and giving advice as I could; 3. I still expected my things back by Tuesday.

Did I do okay?

 

[WhymeMom?]

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Follow thru will mean everything. If she doesn't get your things back by Tuesday are you prepared to follow up with a police report? You have "threatened" this so if you don't do as you have said it will send a message to her. You have drawn the line, I hope she doesn't cross it...

You did okay, just follow thru....</span>

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Ditto what RM said. You did fantastic.

:bravo:

Follow through is imperitive.

 

[everywoman]

Yeah for you! You did great. Now follow through. We can love them adn not accept or support their bad choices.

 

[Suz]

I agree with the others. Because you gave her a deadline you must follow through and file a police report if she doesn't comply.

Good luck.

Suz

 

[Scent of Cedar I]

Wow.

I think you did amazingly well ~ better than well.

It took me years to admit to myself that difficult child was not telling me the truth about much that was going on in his life ~ or why.

Once we can do that though, correct responses to what the kids are doing seem pretty clear.

Good job!

I don't know how you could have handled the ultimatum regarding the money and videos any differently ~ hopefully, your daughter's attitude will change, and she will accept responsibility.

Do you have an alternate plan regarding the ultimatum, or will you stick to your guns and report her?

You are still way ahead of where I was. I would never admit difficult child was stealing from us ~ even though husband knew he was.

Barbara

.

 

[meowbunny]

Sadly, I will follow through if I have to. I doubt the police will do much more than laugh at the report. They'll see it as a family dispute more than a parent trying to get her daughter to understand that when you take something from someone else without permission it is stealing -- something my daughter can't seem to understand. If she wants it, it is okay to take it. If you are a friend of hers and want something, it is okay for you to take it.

For me, it was hard to say that she was stealing but the evidence was overwhelming -- credit cards with charges at her favorite stores, my wallet devoid of all cash and her showing up with a new outfit, and so on. She's stolen from me and, I believe, from her friends when she was younger. Shoplifting was a way of life in middle school.

I had warned her previously that if she ever took anything of mine again -- even something as miniscule as a lipstick -- I would report it. So, follow through has to happen. :crying: