Showering

[svengandhi]

It's somewhat normal. My now 18 year old is an absolutely typical teenager, he is not my Difficult Child, he is not on the spectrum and he is not a behavioral issue. With that said, until he was a bit past 16, getting him to shower was a struggle. The school would call... The last time it happened, I was so upset, the school said he smelled like mold. I sniffed him and realized it was his CLOTHING. An Internet search revealed that it was my front loading washer and I dealt with that. However, the whole thing finally got to the kid and since then he is a constant presence in the shower. Difficult Child was almost sent home from scout camp for refusal to shower when he was younger, but it's no longer an issue. Oldest boy, who is Aspie lite, still doesn't like to shower but he will when we scream at him. He's 24. He will, however, spend hours in the bathtub... Babyboy, who is almost 16, showers every night.

If your son might be on the spectrum, he might prefer baths to showers?

 

[Bunny]

It's funny you mention baths, Svengandhi, because that was exactly what he did last night. A bath is always an option open to him, but he keeps forgetting that I tell him that.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Try changing your language. Don't ask/tell him to shower - or bath. Tell him it's time to wash up - which do you want, a shower or a bath? It move the option from whether to get clean, to how to get clean.

I'd forgotten about the "option" thing. It's big with both of my kids. Not that it always works, but it never hurts to use it.

 

[InsaneCdn]

But you still might want to consider an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory stuff...

 

[BusynMember]

It's somewhat normal. My now 18 year old is an absolutely typical teenager, he is not my Difficult Child, he is not on the spectrum and he is not a behavioral issue. With that said, until he was a bit past 16, getting him to shower was a struggle. The school would call... The last time it happened, I was so upset, the school said he smelled like mold. I sniffed him and realized it was his CLOTHING. An Internet search revealed that it was my front loading washer and I dealt with that. However, the whole thing finally got to the kid and since then he is a constant presence in the shower. Difficult Child was almost sent home from scout camp for refusal to shower when he was younger, but it's no longer an issue. Oldest boy, who is Aspie lite, still doesn't like to shower but he will when we scream at him. He's 24. He will, however, spend hours in the bathtub... Babyboy, who is almost 16, showers every night.

If your son might be on the spectrum, he might prefer baths to showers?

This is w hat I meant. My son's CLOTHES were stinky. He preferred certain clothing and would wear them over and over again and they smelled.

My son did not like showers or baths. He is much better now, but he still sometimes wears stinky sweatshirts that he likes to throw over his shirts and sometimes they don't make the laundry! He forgets to wash them. He is living in his own apartment now.

 

[svengandhi]

MWM -

I've always bought multiple copies of any clothing the boys will wear. That was another complaint I got - that he wore the same clothing every day. This was for easy child 18. I told them no, he doesn't, he had 6 of the same pants and a dozen black t-shirts. ALL of my sons prefer to dress in black EMT/cargo pants with black t-shirts. Oldest boy and easy child 18 share sizes as do Difficult Child and babyboy.

Bunny - My oldest says that a bath calms him and helps him focus. H, who is not on the spectrum, also likes to take hours long baths. Maybe you should just tell your son to take a bath instead of a shower or, if time is short, build a regular bath time in to his week. Now that I think about, the behavioral mod we used with Difficult Child when he was younger was to take him swimming once a week. He still likes to swim but showers regularly as well.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Now that I think about, the behavioral mod we used with Difficult Child when he was younger was to take him swimming once a week.

ROFL... mine likes swimming, but we can't take him because he will not shower before going in the water... and the life guard can tell that from a mile away. Good thinking, though.

 

[Bunny]

Difficult Child hates to swim. He liked it when he was younger, but as he got older he didn't like it much anymore. He did agreeably take a bath last night, which makes sense because it was Sunday. He bathes/showers on Sundays and Thursdays.

 

[HMBgal]

My grandson fights the shower with all his being, and he always has. It used to be the physical sensations, now it's doesn't want to leave the iPad, automatically goes to "NO!" when you ask him to do pretty much anything. We have to bribe him with a game download or extra screen time, then make sure his hair is actually wet when he gets out of the shower, or he hasn't dumped shampoo on his head, then didn't rinse it out. Goodness but I'm dreading the teenage years.

 

[confuzzled]

Difficult Child hates to swim. He liked it when he was younger, but as he got older he didn't like it much anymore. He did agreeably take a bath last night, which makes sense because it was Sunday. He bathes/showers on Sundays and Thursdays.

can you convince him to add Tuesdays? maybe one more day in between would help....and after he gets the hang of T-TH-S, you can work slowly up to adding one more day.

he sounds slightly routine-bound, so it may take alot of nagging to get him in the tub on tues, but it also sounds like once its ingrained in the routine it will be a non-issue.

good luck-if it helps, my almost 16 year old GIRL doesn't feel the need to shower on weekends--she will slap a pair of pj's on her body the second she walks in after school on fri and not shower until sun night for school. her point is that she isn't going anywhere so whats the big deal.

and frankly, its true. we don't typically go anywhere over a weekend. if we do have plans, she will shower, but if not? nope.

honestly, i'm pretty happy braless in pj's myself so I don't make an issue out of it.

 

[susiestar]

My kids, esp the boys, have had their times of shower/bath refusal. Drove me crazy. Wiz was esp bad because he would go so far as to get wet but not use soap because what is the point? I offered every type of soap on the planet because he has significant and strong sensory issues. Slimy things have always been an issue for him so bars of soap were gross unless totally dry and liquid soap was too.

He was in residential treatment for a few mos and they would have 'shower lessons' where the kids got specific steps and were supervised by a male in the bathroom with two other adults out of sight of the boy but in sight of the adult to ensure no abuse happened. If the kids skipped ANY step, they had to go and do all of the steps again. Wiz fought them longer than any other child they had EVER had on the unit, which I guess is some sort of record. I ran into his old therapist from there and she said they STILL have not had a child who fought as long as he did, lol.

Then about the 3rd time he took Tyler to play D&D with him, he told thank you that he HAD to shower and use deodorant after school before the game because he was smelly. I think husband and I laughed for about 30 min straight when we heard that. Wiz just rolled his eyes at us, lol. Tyler being Tyler, he just did what was asked of him that day and every day since that he was going to play. The players in our town sure are different now. Back when husband and I met, most of the D&D players were known for being unwashed. husband and his friends actually would not play at locations where the other groups played because of the body odors there! But now they are all quite clean and very intolerant of anyone who comes to play who is smelly. They also clean the mats and things quite thoroughly. I thank the owner of one of the stores that caters to them. He will not allow ANY trash left behind unless they put it in the trash cans, makes the boys take turns with the vacuum cleaner and wiping tables and chairs down, etc... I was hesitant at first to let Wiz hang out there when he was a teen, but after speaking to the guy, that changed. The man who owns it has used peer pressure to keep the kids on a pretty straight and narrow path. I admire & appreciate it, esp as he was one of the first to actually get through to Wiz about showering being a necessity!

 

[Californiablonde]

It's ironic I stumbled across your post today because I just received an email from one of easy child's teachers complaining about his hygiene and he said that other teachers are complaining as well. easy child loves baths but hates to wash. He will take several baths a day and just sit in the warm water but not use soap! He also likes to wear the same PE shirt to school every morning. My boyfriend and I keep telling him how un-hygienic it is to wear a smelly old PE shirt to school every day but he won't listen. And this kid LOVES girls. Not even me telling him that girls don't like stinky boys helps. He just doesn't get it. I can surely empathize with you.