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Sister of explosive child
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 487597" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi there Lilacdust! I think you will find lots of cyber moms here! I think some who speak spanish too. HOLA by the way, I wish my Spanish was better, I took lots of years but would never be able to do more than talk to a baby! </p><p></p><p>I think you sound far more resilient that you feel. Your coming here is a strong indicator that you are a problem solver.</p><p></p><p>Dont confuse not having the guidance, learning or experience with being UNABLE to do something. We all need experience and you are telling us that this is not the kind of setting you are coming from. I love that you care for your family but at your age, here is what I (and this is just my opinion but I had some of the chaos, not nearly the same level, and I had emotional problems at your age so....I will just share with you okay?)..... here is what I would suggest, but it is up to you.....</p><p></p><p>1. The BEST thing you can do for your family now??? Show them through your actions how a good life can happen. Take small steps each day/week/month to reach a goal. If your first goal is to have a job, you may need to start with volunteering. Think of it as a real job though. GREAT references can come from volunteering. And the pressure on you is less. Try a thrift store like Goodwill or an animal shelter or library etc. Food shelves are great to volunteer at too.</p><p></p><p>2. Call your county....ask about resources to help with educational and vocational placement. Are you officially diagnosed with your depression/mental health diagnoses? If so the Americans with Disabilities Act can protect you and help you to get support in school and on a job. Ask if there is help with that.</p><p></p><p>3. I think, and others here will be able to guide you more... that since you recognize your father's abuse, you will likely have some work to do to make sure that you can recover and have healthy relationships. You are sounding like you take on a parenting role a little bit with your mom. I understand that (believe me, the tables in my home were tipped like that too and I too identified with my mom, she relied on me too much I now know). Most moms think they have no where to go, but that is not true. She had a responsibility to keep you from that abuse but she did not know how. I am not blaming her! Believe me, but for you in the future to improve, I am sure your mom wants that for you. Your mom is still young enough to make changes herself. If your dad wont LET her, that is serious and so the suggestion I would make to you (dont panic here, they will not even have to know your real name) is to call a domestic violence center. Most communities have them. You can get support that maybe you can help your mom with too by passing it on. But start now with boundaries, this is HARD to do.... again, I have LIVED it.... you are not the mom, you are just starting your journey and you need to be willing to love your family but not feel responsible for them. You need to learn skills and your sister will watch and see a better role model that way. Everyone reacts to abuse and dysfunctional family differently and you went direction your sister another (plus your sister may have more going on since it started so early.... I doubt ODD is her final diagnosis, you will see here that most of us view it as a symptom of something else...it just describes behavior not what causes the behavior so it is not really a medical condition, does that make sense?)</p><p></p><p>Whatever you do... even if it is just to process what I and others are saying, just know you are welcome to vent and ask questions and be who you are here. This is a safe haven and you do not have to take every suggestion if it does not fit, they are only offered in hope and love and support to you. </p><p></p><p>by the way, there are on line instant messaging sites that you can enter the message in one language and when you hit submit it translates it to another language. I used it at times with students parents for informal communication and also one time when my son was in the hospital for a seizure evaluation and another family was there who was Spanish speaking. We were standing next to each other but typed messages to discuss our kids and it was wonderful! So, there may be ways for your mom to get info that way. I will look for it, but you can google for it too. it is free.</p><p></p><p></p><p>luv and support, Buddy (cyber mom from MN, lol)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 487597, member: 12886"] Hi there Lilacdust! I think you will find lots of cyber moms here! I think some who speak spanish too. HOLA by the way, I wish my Spanish was better, I took lots of years but would never be able to do more than talk to a baby! I think you sound far more resilient that you feel. Your coming here is a strong indicator that you are a problem solver. Dont confuse not having the guidance, learning or experience with being UNABLE to do something. We all need experience and you are telling us that this is not the kind of setting you are coming from. I love that you care for your family but at your age, here is what I (and this is just my opinion but I had some of the chaos, not nearly the same level, and I had emotional problems at your age so....I will just share with you okay?)..... here is what I would suggest, but it is up to you..... 1. The BEST thing you can do for your family now??? Show them through your actions how a good life can happen. Take small steps each day/week/month to reach a goal. If your first goal is to have a job, you may need to start with volunteering. Think of it as a real job though. GREAT references can come from volunteering. And the pressure on you is less. Try a thrift store like Goodwill or an animal shelter or library etc. Food shelves are great to volunteer at too. 2. Call your county....ask about resources to help with educational and vocational placement. Are you officially diagnosed with your depression/mental health diagnoses? If so the Americans with Disabilities Act can protect you and help you to get support in school and on a job. Ask if there is help with that. 3. I think, and others here will be able to guide you more... that since you recognize your father's abuse, you will likely have some work to do to make sure that you can recover and have healthy relationships. You are sounding like you take on a parenting role a little bit with your mom. I understand that (believe me, the tables in my home were tipped like that too and I too identified with my mom, she relied on me too much I now know). Most moms think they have no where to go, but that is not true. She had a responsibility to keep you from that abuse but she did not know how. I am not blaming her! Believe me, but for you in the future to improve, I am sure your mom wants that for you. Your mom is still young enough to make changes herself. If your dad wont LET her, that is serious and so the suggestion I would make to you (dont panic here, they will not even have to know your real name) is to call a domestic violence center. Most communities have them. You can get support that maybe you can help your mom with too by passing it on. But start now with boundaries, this is HARD to do.... again, I have LIVED it.... you are not the mom, you are just starting your journey and you need to be willing to love your family but not feel responsible for them. You need to learn skills and your sister will watch and see a better role model that way. Everyone reacts to abuse and dysfunctional family differently and you went direction your sister another (plus your sister may have more going on since it started so early.... I doubt ODD is her final diagnosis, you will see here that most of us view it as a symptom of something else...it just describes behavior not what causes the behavior so it is not really a medical condition, does that make sense?) Whatever you do... even if it is just to process what I and others are saying, just know you are welcome to vent and ask questions and be who you are here. This is a safe haven and you do not have to take every suggestion if it does not fit, they are only offered in hope and love and support to you. by the way, there are on line instant messaging sites that you can enter the message in one language and when you hit submit it translates it to another language. I used it at times with students parents for informal communication and also one time when my son was in the hospital for a seizure evaluation and another family was there who was Spanish speaking. We were standing next to each other but typed messages to discuss our kids and it was wonderful! So, there may be ways for your mom to get info that way. I will look for it, but you can google for it too. it is free. luv and support, Buddy (cyber mom from MN, lol) [/QUOTE]
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