Small update. Not a good one

[Freedom08]

Hi all. Things have been seemingly going okay with Difficult Child for a few weeks but I always had the feeling that it was only matter of time before it went bad again. Which it did [emoji53]. Difficult Child has been staying with friends temporarily while looking for something more permanent. Last week she had a good lead on a house with 3 other girls that more than a few pimple were interested in. She didn't get it and is very depressed. I saw on her website today that she wants to kill herself. I'd call 911 but I don't even know where she is as she would not tell me. Panicked and helpless is how I'm feeling right now. She won't answer her phone or respond to texts but I called a friend of hers who said she is safe and okay for the moment. . She has called more lately and we've talked about some things and I thought everything was looking up but I guess not. She is bipolar and said as of Saturday that she is taking her medications but who knows.

This is just awful wondering if she is okay . I am terribly sick with the flu which is not helping. I am angry with Difficult Child. I know this is the mental illness but why can she not just call and say she is okay??. Why do we have to wonder guess and pray about it?. It's cruel in a way.

 

[Copabanana]

I am sorry, Lila.

I am in a similar situation with my son. Different particulars, same feelings and absence of any control.

I am posting threads of Viktor Frankl quotes on the FOO Forum. How do they apply to us? He was a psychiatrist who was taken to concentration camps. He got through by finding meaning in a situation where he had no control what so ever and lost everything that he held dear.

I believe, while not trivializing his experience, we as mothers are in similar straits. We have found our meaning and purpose through our children. Now, when our children are flailing, we feel as we are crashing against the rocks.

After reading several times the first thread of quotes I realized that there has been for my the opportunity to transcend my situation. I too have choices I can make to find purpose and meaning again, apart from my son. I realize that is is appropriate. I cannot any more legitimately attach my own meaning through the actions of another adult person over whom I have no control.

There is a quote, and I will paraphrase here, that says something like this: In a breath, between inhaling and exhaling, is choice. I am seeing that I have been holding my breath, for the past almost two years, almost like a child throwing a fit, who holds their breath, and passes out.

I am an adult. I can choose how to think about myself and my life. Today, I see that. Yesterday, I did not.

There are several of us who are actively posting now, who are in similar places with respect to our children. Feeling Sad has a thread. New Leaf posts there and on others. Myself. Either we do not know where are children are, cannot contact them, or have deep fear about what might befall them. Or all of the above.

Lila, you are not alone. Look for us. Join us.

There is a way through this a way to overcome. It is not through what our children do or do not do, say or do not say. It is in us.

Take care.

 

[Freedom08]

Lots of great info there Copa. Much to take in. Baby steps for me. Feeling pretty broken right now.

 

[Copabanana]

Baby steps for me. Feeling pretty broken right now.

Me too, Lila. Cedar posted a link for kd laing on the first Viktor Frankl thread, singing Hallelujah. Listening helps. It is as if we are listening together.

 

[Freedom08]

I love her version of that song. I've had it on my iPhone for many years [emoji173]️

 

[Freedom08]

Small update. Difficult Child is going to the doctor tomorrow. It's actually a walk in clinic that offers medical and psychiatric help. Pray that she goes. It's a big step for her in the right direction.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Lila, so sorry for your heartache, what a rough, rough road we are all on. I am glad to see your update that your daughter is planning to go to the Doctor-huge step. Praying that she goes and you get relief from your worrying.

Please take time to do something uplifting for yourself-you are worth it!

(((HUGS)))