So...now that DGD wants something...she contacts us...

[ksm]

As I said in an earlier post, DGD, who is multiple states away with Ggrand baby and abusive boyfriend, finally texted thru FB messenger. I askedher to call...but no phone...again. boyfriend must have broken a second phone since they have been there 5 months. She wants us to help her come home. Supposedly for a "fresh start without boyfriend".

I would like to believe that...but I have heard from her bio mom and her friend that they are trying to send boyfriend home soon as he is abusive...but he needs to get a state ID to fly or take a train, because he lost his ID he used to get there.

We have decided not to help financially, but she does have 4 child tax credit checks that came here in her name and we will send 1 or 2 to her so she can pay her own way.

I am anxious to see the baby, who we kept full time for 2 months before they moved away. If she gets back here...we will need lots of boundaries. We are really conflicted, wanting her to get away from boyfriend, wanting her to focus on her child, and learn hoe to have healthy relarionships. Just afraid to get my hopes up. Ksm

 

[RN0441]

Hi KSM

It seems she is telling you want to hear to get your help. She knows that is what YOU really want.

I do hope that she is telling the truth and does want to get away from him but you won't know until you know. I'd be tempted to let her suffer for a bit and not just jump at the bait immediately but I know it is hard.

Do what you feel you must do.

Keep us posted!

 

[Copabanana]

She wants us to help her come home. Supposedly for a "fresh start without boyfriend".

I tend to agree with both you and RN. She's trying to manipulate you, saying what she knows you want to hear. Trying to maximize what she can get from you. And in her heart, feeling like Scarlett O'hara, "tomorrow is another day."

But the thing is, she can only be who she is right now.

And--she is better off closer to home, and most importantly so is the baby.

I think sending her HER OWN money is a genius move.

I don't think you have many choices here. She is going to do what she is going to do.

You want the baby home and you want her home. People don't change abracabradabra. You're in the same boat as I am. It's painful and scary, but what are the alternatives? We can't change them. Nothing we do has worked as leverage or to teach them. It's always on their terms. And in your case, there is the baby. I would do exactly what you are doing.

At the end of the day, THIS IS VERY GOOD NEWS.

 

[Crayola13]

Chances are she will allow him back into her life because he will swear up and down that he has changed, etc. I know that isn’t what you want to happen, but be prepared for it. I truly hope she stays away from him forever. I know you got attached to the great grand baby when he stayed with you for two months. You tried not to, but it was bound to happen. How could you not have fallen in love with that baby! I bet he missed you, too, and was confused when his mom took him to another state. It’s all very sad, but I’m glad she’s come to the realization she needs to get away from that horrible man. I just hope she doesn’t fall for his BS when tries to come back into her life.