so sad.... need to get this off my chest

[saving grace]

HI friends...

Its been awhile since I posted and a long while since I posted with sad news. Now I am not sure what to make of this or what I think but my gut is telling me its bad. I can't stop the tears they just keep coming.

Son has been on Suboxone for over 3 years now and on a steady road to the good life, working, just started taking classes at Boston College where he works and gets free tuition, all has been well, I couldnt ask for more. He has never really been a happy person, but he takes Cymbalta, and Buspirone for anxiety, He doesnt have any friends except his girlfriend, but all in all he was doing well.

about 2 months ago when getting ready to get his script refilled the pills were not adding up, he should had more, we argued about it, he tried to convince me I was wrong. he did say he took one or two extra because he wasnt feeling " right" meanwhile he is supposed to be weaing off the subs, I think that was what I posted about the last time. He did say he wasn't sure he was ready and that he was scared but wanted to try.

tonight the same scenerio, he said he needed a refill, I said its impossible you only got it 3 weeks ago and she gave you a month and a half. after going back and forth he admits that he has been taking more than he usually does. All he can say is "its hard" "its not easy"
All I can think and feel right now is this is it, his brain is no different than it was 3 years ago, his answer to "not feeling right" is to take pills, an easy fix. if he had something else he probably would have taken it? whats the differenct.

I have been bragging to everyonen about my son, working, going to school and its gone. I am sick. what does this mean? am I over reacting? what do I do? I said a lot of very mean things to him. I always trust my gut.

advice???

Grace

 

[witzend]

I'm sorry you lost your temper, Grace. I know I would probably do the same, and I would regret it.

Is he in any kind of self-help/get-work program? We all need something to aspire to. I hope he will find his dream.

 

[Suz]

I wonder if he needs his medications adjusted? Self-medicating isn't the right way to go about it, of course, but I remember when Rob was living at home taking medications, he needed to get them adjusted every once in awhile.

Grace, maybe you could suggest joining him at his next doctor appointment to see what's going on. That way your worries and his problems could be addressed at the same time.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Grace, I dont know enough about suboxone to really comment but wonder if people are supposed to be on it this long? I guess so if his doctor is still prescribing it. Is he in any program along with taking the medication to help with the addiction? I would think that would be important too.

I wish you both well.

 

[rejectedmom]

First off I need to say that I am so sorry that you are going through this. Second I agree with Janet that you son still needs alot of support. Three years really isn't that long a time in the recovery of an addict. I also liked Suz idea of maybe going with him to the doctor to discuss his medications and his recent abuse of them.

My other thoughts are that our difficult child's are very emotionally weak. That is why they turn to drugs in the first place. It is much more difficult for our difficult child's to cope witl life and its pressures than it is for our easy child's. Yours has been trying so hard to live a normal life and move foward towards being a productive and responsible adult. What is going on right now does not negate all the good things he has accomplished so far.

He admitted that he over used his medications that is a first step to getting through this bumpy place he is finding himself in. Maybe he needs to scale back a bit on his schedule to take some stress off himself and he also needs to get back into counseling if he isn't currently going. Talking to his psychiatrist about the feelings of needing more medicine is a must. It may be that he only needs a medication adjustment. -RM

 

[Hound dog]

I agree with the others. Just wanted to point out that he didn't deny taking the extra pills. He did own up to the behavior. Which is a good thing.

From what I've learned from addicts.......recovery is lifelong. I wouldn't expect him to be perfect at it during the beginning years. That's not an excuse, just sort of to help you understand I guess.

(hugs)