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Substance Abuse
Spiraling out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 759767" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>It breaks my heart to hear both of your updates.</p><p></p><p>How can these children of ours have so little regard for the time, effort and money we put toward helping them get their lives together? Yet we keep trying and trying, hoping for a glimpse of maturity, a change of heart, a demonstration of love for us...and yet so often we end up disappointed, frustrated, and angry that we got “sucked in” once again.</p><p></p><p>I don’t know if I can offer any advice that you don’t already know and haven’t heard countless times on this site. But we’ve all been there again and again and we understand your hope that perhaps this time, it will be different.</p><p></p><p>Helpless, I’m glad you held your son accountable by notifying his PO. At 17, he is still very young and will certainly grow and change over the next few years as he matures and he may surprise you. It’s still very early.</p><p></p><p>I agree with others suggesting you focus on yourself and your family. It’s hard when you’re so distracted with your son’s problems but your family needs your full attention now. Use whatever means you can to stay in a healthy frame of mind—whether it be joining Nar-anon, seeking counseling or a spritual practice. Whatever works for you.</p><p></p><p>Please don’t dwell on your son’s misfortune. I think it’s temporary and will take some time for him to change. You can’t wait for him to grow up nor can you speed the process—you’ve got to continue living your life.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I am heartbroken that your son has once again disrespected everything you’ve done for him.</p><p></p><p>I don’t blame you for wanting to have him arrested after assaulting M. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. It frustrates me when the police won’t act in a situation like this. What kind of message does that send to your son?</p><p></p><p>I know you know what to do but you’ve previously mentioned that you are unwilling or unable to detach for a significant period of time. And I know that your concern for his health has in the past caused you to make exceptions and let him back into your life against your better judgment.</p><p></p><p>I don’t think your son has hit rock bottom yet—he has had the convenience of being able to live in your other home and manages to return again and again, often breaking rules and disrespecting you and M. Perhaps you and he need a longer break. He needs to feel the uncomfortable consequences created by his behaviors, ie., no longer having the option of living in your home or having a relationship with you for awhile or maybe even being homeless.</p><p></p><p>We all know how hard it is to allow our children to suffer, but in my opinion, if they are not forced to face those consequences and dig themselves out of a mess they alone have created, they will never grow and change. It is so, so hard though.</p><p></p><p>Love, hugs and prayers, Helpless and Copa. We are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 759767, member: 23742"] It breaks my heart to hear both of your updates. How can these children of ours have so little regard for the time, effort and money we put toward helping them get their lives together? Yet we keep trying and trying, hoping for a glimpse of maturity, a change of heart, a demonstration of love for us...and yet so often we end up disappointed, frustrated, and angry that we got “sucked in” once again. I don’t know if I can offer any advice that you don’t already know and haven’t heard countless times on this site. But we’ve all been there again and again and we understand your hope that perhaps this time, it will be different. Helpless, I’m glad you held your son accountable by notifying his PO. At 17, he is still very young and will certainly grow and change over the next few years as he matures and he may surprise you. It’s still very early. I agree with others suggesting you focus on yourself and your family. It’s hard when you’re so distracted with your son’s problems but your family needs your full attention now. Use whatever means you can to stay in a healthy frame of mind—whether it be joining Nar-anon, seeking counseling or a spritual practice. Whatever works for you. Please don’t dwell on your son’s misfortune. I think it’s temporary and will take some time for him to change. You can’t wait for him to grow up nor can you speed the process—you’ve got to continue living your life. Copa, I am heartbroken that your son has once again disrespected everything you’ve done for him. I don’t blame you for wanting to have him arrested after assaulting M. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. It frustrates me when the police won’t act in a situation like this. What kind of message does that send to your son? I know you know what to do but you’ve previously mentioned that you are unwilling or unable to detach for a significant period of time. And I know that your concern for his health has in the past caused you to make exceptions and let him back into your life against your better judgment. I don’t think your son has hit rock bottom yet—he has had the convenience of being able to live in your other home and manages to return again and again, often breaking rules and disrespecting you and M. Perhaps you and he need a longer break. He needs to feel the uncomfortable consequences created by his behaviors, ie., no longer having the option of living in your home or having a relationship with you for awhile or maybe even being homeless. We all know how hard it is to allow our children to suffer, but in my opinion, if they are not forced to face those consequences and dig themselves out of a mess they alone have created, they will never grow and change. It is so, so hard though. Love, hugs and prayers, Helpless and Copa. We are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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