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General Parenting
Step Daughter...back on the roller coaster
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 722123" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>I am so sorry you are going through this. I have two stepsons who are still minors, although my wife (their mother) and I are not their residential parents. Even so, the role of stepparent can be very confusing and frustrating for all involved, particularly when the biological parent doesn't see things our way (this has been my situation in particular with my older stepson).</p><p></p><p>I agree that your SD is abusing the situation and taking advantage of you and her dad. My ex and I lived with my mother for a few years while I went back to school. We had two cats. I accepted full responsibility for the care and maintenance of my pets and I made sure they were always watered, fed and the litter boxes cleaned. What she is doing is plain and simple, not right and sounds consistent with borderline personality disorder.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, your dilemma is more with your husband than with his daughter. If he will not respect you, if he does not see her behavior as a problem, then there is nothing you can do except take care of yourself. What that means is up to you. It can mean many different things, up to and including potentially separating from your husband whether temporarily or permanently. </p><p></p><p>Is it possible that by caretaking for his mentally ill daughter, you are unwittingly making it easier for your husband to continue his denial about his daughter's behavior?</p><p></p><p>In my own situation, I have learned (am still learning) to accept that while I can exert a certain degree of influence over both my wife and stepsons, in the end I have no control as a stepparent. I have had to let go and draw boundaries where I needed them. In many cases I disagree strongly with my wife's parenting decisions, but I am not the boys' mother and I must stand back and let her be their parent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 722123, member: 13303"] I am so sorry you are going through this. I have two stepsons who are still minors, although my wife (their mother) and I are not their residential parents. Even so, the role of stepparent can be very confusing and frustrating for all involved, particularly when the biological parent doesn't see things our way (this has been my situation in particular with my older stepson). I agree that your SD is abusing the situation and taking advantage of you and her dad. My ex and I lived with my mother for a few years while I went back to school. We had two cats. I accepted full responsibility for the care and maintenance of my pets and I made sure they were always watered, fed and the litter boxes cleaned. What she is doing is plain and simple, not right and sounds consistent with borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately, your dilemma is more with your husband than with his daughter. If he will not respect you, if he does not see her behavior as a problem, then there is nothing you can do except take care of yourself. What that means is up to you. It can mean many different things, up to and including potentially separating from your husband whether temporarily or permanently. Is it possible that by caretaking for his mentally ill daughter, you are unwittingly making it easier for your husband to continue his denial about his daughter's behavior? In my own situation, I have learned (am still learning) to accept that while I can exert a certain degree of influence over both my wife and stepsons, in the end I have no control as a stepparent. I have had to let go and draw boundaries where I needed them. In many cases I disagree strongly with my wife's parenting decisions, but I am not the boys' mother and I must stand back and let her be their parent. [/QUOTE]
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