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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 731960" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Very difficult, honest, profound realizations BBU.....My perspective on your situation, based of course, on my own belief system, is that you've had a deep opening of truth here......which for me, is a gift, a blessing......not one which feels wonderful, but one which offers great insight and now that you are aware of this, you can heal it, change it, fix it, make different choices. </p><p></p><p>It is unfortunate that as Lil mentioned, you're grieving while married now......however, don't beat yourself up about that.....I believe many of us get involved on the rebound.....there are even books on "transitional" relationships....often it is out of our awareness at the time, we are 'reacting' to loss we aren't prepared to feel quite yet. Many, many years after I divorced my daughter's Dad, I became aware that I married him on the rebound after a long term relationship ended with a young man I believed at the time to be the "love of my life." It was an eye opener to say the least, but it started to clear up a lot I hadn't realized before. </p><p></p><p>I believe we often get into relationships to heal.....there are so many reasons people connect, it isn't always about love and forever......you've been an enormous support to your present wife through likely one of the worst experiences of her life....your connection with her has likely offered both of you opportunities for growth and learning....I look at life that way.......lessons to learn for our awareness, growth, healing and consciousness. Don't bother with self judgment, look for the lesson.</p><p></p><p>I commend you for not only having this insight, but in honestly sharing it with us. Your honesty with yourself and us will begin the healing/grieving process.......wherever it leads you. It's painful to have these realizations.....be very kind to yourself....nourish yourself....keep yourself well supported.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 731960, member: 13542"] Very difficult, honest, profound realizations BBU.....My perspective on your situation, based of course, on my own belief system, is that you've had a deep opening of truth here......which for me, is a gift, a blessing......not one which feels wonderful, but one which offers great insight and now that you are aware of this, you can heal it, change it, fix it, make different choices. It is unfortunate that as Lil mentioned, you're grieving while married now......however, don't beat yourself up about that.....I believe many of us get involved on the rebound.....there are even books on "transitional" relationships....often it is out of our awareness at the time, we are 'reacting' to loss we aren't prepared to feel quite yet. Many, many years after I divorced my daughter's Dad, I became aware that I married him on the rebound after a long term relationship ended with a young man I believed at the time to be the "love of my life." It was an eye opener to say the least, but it started to clear up a lot I hadn't realized before. I believe we often get into relationships to heal.....there are so many reasons people connect, it isn't always about love and forever......you've been an enormous support to your present wife through likely one of the worst experiences of her life....your connection with her has likely offered both of you opportunities for growth and learning....I look at life that way.......lessons to learn for our awareness, growth, healing and consciousness. Don't bother with self judgment, look for the lesson. I commend you for not only having this insight, but in honestly sharing it with us. Your honesty with yourself and us will begin the healing/grieving process.......wherever it leads you. It's painful to have these realizations.....be very kind to yourself....nourish yourself....keep yourself well supported..... [/QUOTE]
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