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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 748283" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>I went through a similar situation with my daughter. Although she didn't steal from me she was unable to abide by my rules in my home. So I kicked her out with her toddler daughter. It was as hard as it sounds, but I would do it again. When my daughter lived in my house she had to be employed (I gave her 2 weeks to find ANY job), pay 30% of her income towards household expenses, and various other basic rules that normal people live by. She has always had jobs (even if she got fired she found another one immediately) but couldn't follow the other rules, so she was out. I had written out the rules when she came back to my house, discussed them with her and had her sign them. No second chances. In my experience, and it seems the same for most here, these adult children are masters at manipulation and pushing the limits. They will push as far as you let them. You have to create and enforce strict boundaries with them. If I were you I would do what I did and write out a list of rules/expectations your son much abide by. I would definitely lay out a timeline for getting a job and how much he must contribute to your household. Go over everything with him and have him sign it. Let him know there are no second chances. I would also write up a bill for what he owes for the items/money he has taken and figure out a payment plan for him. Again, hold him to it. </p><p></p><p>My daughter floundered for a few years after I put her out and it was hard to see with my granddaughter in the mix. But when she got tired of it she got herself relatively stable. She's maintained the same job and housing for the last 5 years. This year she enrolled herself in community college and made the dean's list. I definitely recognize and reward those things. But I am careful to always maintain my boundaries with her. I am very close to my granddaughter and spend a lot of time with her, always have. I know it is scary and hard, but you have to focus on yourselves and not allowing your son to take advantage of you. He's an adult and he needs to act like one. He pays the consequences or reaps the benefits from his behavior. Sending peace to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 748283, member: 11235"] I went through a similar situation with my daughter. Although she didn't steal from me she was unable to abide by my rules in my home. So I kicked her out with her toddler daughter. It was as hard as it sounds, but I would do it again. When my daughter lived in my house she had to be employed (I gave her 2 weeks to find ANY job), pay 30% of her income towards household expenses, and various other basic rules that normal people live by. She has always had jobs (even if she got fired she found another one immediately) but couldn't follow the other rules, so she was out. I had written out the rules when she came back to my house, discussed them with her and had her sign them. No second chances. In my experience, and it seems the same for most here, these adult children are masters at manipulation and pushing the limits. They will push as far as you let them. You have to create and enforce strict boundaries with them. If I were you I would do what I did and write out a list of rules/expectations your son much abide by. I would definitely lay out a timeline for getting a job and how much he must contribute to your household. Go over everything with him and have him sign it. Let him know there are no second chances. I would also write up a bill for what he owes for the items/money he has taken and figure out a payment plan for him. Again, hold him to it. My daughter floundered for a few years after I put her out and it was hard to see with my granddaughter in the mix. But when she got tired of it she got herself relatively stable. She's maintained the same job and housing for the last 5 years. This year she enrolled herself in community college and made the dean's list. I definitely recognize and reward those things. But I am careful to always maintain my boundaries with her. I am very close to my granddaughter and spend a lot of time with her, always have. I know it is scary and hard, but you have to focus on yourselves and not allowing your son to take advantage of you. He's an adult and he needs to act like one. He pays the consequences or reaps the benefits from his behavior. Sending peace to you. [/QUOTE]
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