Surprise! Surprise!

[Kolleen]

After pulling into the garage tonight, I walked past the workbench toward the door . ... . . ..and saw sonnyboy's bong. I'm having an adrenalin rush. Oh goody - more disappointment. I know he's done this, don't have any idea of how much, but when it's right in your face.

Last night at the Alanon Parent Meeting we were talking about being afraid of being out and someone we knew coming up to us and asking how difficult child is doing. I'm like that with my family. Almost hate to hear how well neices and nephews are doing. Can talk about easy child, but don't say much about sonnyboy.

Any way having a gut reaction here. He's not home from work. Disappointed.

 

[mom_to_3]

Maybe you ought to walk back out to the garage, take sonnyboy's bong, put it in a paper bag and smash the smithereens out of it with a sledge hammer, then deposit the remains in the trash. If he asks you (does he have the nerve?) where it is? You've never seen it and why would he ask you such a question. It's not your job to stay on top of his bong!

 

[mstang67chic]

Sounds like a plan to me. I have a cousin who grew a plant or two in his closet when he was still in highschoo. His mom (wonderful woman) found either it or some stash one time while cleaning but didn't do anything with it. Instead, she waited till he got home from school and asked him about it in a curious manner. Dumb poop that he is, my cousin explained the whole process to her. Growing, drying, the whole bit. The entire time he's thinking that he has a much cooler mom than he thought. Uh huh. The next day, he came home from school and every bit of his stuff was gone.

The only thing I might do different is, after smashing said bong, deposit the bag with the remains in his room. (assuming he won't go off) Let him try to call the cops on you for destroying his property.

 

[donna723]

Has he got a birthday coming up any time soon? Or maybe Christmas ... I wouldn't say a word. I would take it and hide it somewhere where he won't find it and let him wear himself out looking for it! Then wrap it up all nice and pretty, give it to him as a gift, and watch his face when he opens it!

 

[standswithcourage]

We have found many of the same things in our garage lots. We just dispose of them and approach our son with why are you smoking pot on our property?

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

See, I'm rotten.

I'd smash it to pieces and leave it where I found it.

 

[Hound dog]

I like both Donna's and BBKs suggestions. Although I'm evil enough to do it Donna's way. lol

 

[Suz]

When we found Rob's paraphernalia we called the cops.

Suz

 

[So Tired]

Kolleen,

I understand the disappointment - It really feels like a betrayal when they disrespect your home in that way. I found similar items and was so angry each time -- what if my 11 year old was the one to find them?! Each time there would be a new excuse - it's from a long time ago, it's a friend's, I was depressed over job/girlfriend/whatever. What a load! I know you have a "move out" date set up -- keep strong!

As far as the pain of people asking about difficult child - that is very difficult for me also. I found myself avoiding seeing people I knew because I didn't want to face the "what's difficult child up to?" question. But I found that if I just kept it vauge (difficult child's hasn't decided/ difficult child's going to the school of hard knocks, at the moment/ difficult child's working part-time) most people didn't press for any details, and those I trusted with the truth almost always knew a difficult child (child/brother/cousin/etc) and could relate. Try not to isolate yourself -- you need your family and friends and remember, difficult child's choices are his and are not a reflection of your values or parenting abilities...(this is easy to say to others, but we all feel so guilty, like difficult child's problems are some sort of personal failure. I know I go over all the things I could of done better, but I gave difficult child a nice, safe home. Showed him love and affection. Was involved in school and extra-ciricular activities. Tried to give him the tools to succeed. I guess my biggest mistake was in thinking that he was too smart to get involved in drugs. Pride on my part, I guess)

Hoping for better days ahead for us both.....

 

[bran155]

Love Donna's idea!!! Brilliant.

I can relate to that disappointment, however if you feel disappointment that only means you still have hope and that is a good thing. If we lose hope, what is the point? Right?

We have a shoe rack in the hallway of my house when you first walk in. All of the kids shoes are on it. (my 7 yo's and my 12 yo nephew's) I found an empty bag of weed and 2 blunt endings right on top of my sons sneakers!!! I could have killed my daughter for that. No respect for the other people, especially the children, in the house. When I confronted her about it, she acted as if it was no big deal. I, like you, to say the least was very disappointed. Very ANGRY as well.

Deep breaths.......Hang in there.

 

[Genny]

Everyone's suggestions remind me of my cousin (a minor-league difficult child). When my Aunt found his bong, she took it to the kitchen sink, smashed it, and left it there for him to find. When he did she told him there would be no drug use under her roof.

However, when she found the seedlings he had growing in his closet, she carefully pulled each one up, pinched off the roots and stuck them back in the soil. They died, of course, so he planted more. She continued doing the same thing until he finally gave up. He never could figure out what he was doing wrong

Needless to say, Aunt has a sense of humor. Part of the reason we're very close to this day (and how I found out why J didn't have a green thumb)

Genny

 

[Kolleen]

I did confront him when he came home. His response, "I dont' have a bong." (It looks like a cigarette lighter, narrow, glass.) I just said whatever you call it. Asked if there was any pot in the house? "No."
I'd dig around in his stuff looking for more but there are so many places it could be. Will think about it.

I then went out to the garage, grabbed some of the boxes I've been bringing home for him to pack up and packed up 2 boxes of his stuff. Also labeled them so that if he's crashing at buddies they can be in the garage and I'll know what's in them.

Nice adrenaline rush from this, got some cleaning done!! Always a bright side???????????????

You mean I shouldn't take it the Parent Group for show and tell? (with my luck I'd be pulled over for some traffic violation and they'd find the thing on me! )

Suz, what did the cops do when you called them?
Genny, love your Aunt's idea. Little bit of revenge is good for our soul.

I have picked up cigg butts he leaves all over the garage and put them on his car seat. He just brushed them onto the driveway.............

 

[DammitJanet]

Now I am probably evil too. My rule is no illegals in my home. If you want to do it out of my house that is your prerogative. I have been known to go on search and destroy missions. My son isnt very smart or creative either.

I have thrown away more junk. I pulled up plants I found growing in my closet and drove down my road tossing pieces out my window! I have flushed baggies ...well the contents...down the potty. Papers? Well I tear them up and toss them on top of the trash can...lol.

I would take the bong and smash it up and put it in a nice box and save it for xmas...lol.

 

[Abbey]

I found easy child's pipe not too long ago. I just simply set it on the middle of the kitchen table. When he found it necessary to rise at noon so he could go to work, I just sat there and watched as he came to make coffee.

Oh...that's not mine. It's Mike's.

Yeah. And I was born yesterday.

Abbey

 

[GoingNorth]

From the description of that pipe, it's not a bong--bongs have a reservoir for water and are usually considerably larger.

A clear glass pipe the shape and size of a cigarette lighter makes me nervous--real nervous.

That sounds an awful lot like the sort of pipe used to smoke crack and/or methamphetamine

 

[donna723]

I'm afraid I have to agree with GoingNorth ... as a "child of the sixties", I saw my share of bongs when I was younger and what you've described doesn't sound like any bong I've ever seen either. I'm not up on all the stuff they use now, but what you found probably wasn't a bong.

So he may have technically been telling the truth when he said that he didn't have a bong and that there was no pot in the house ... but it's definately something, some kind of drug paraphenalia ... Sorry but I think you need to do a lot more checking.

 

[Abbey]

Clear glass pipe the size of a cig? That's crack, dear. No question about that. (Don't ask me how I know, but I know.) Never indulged myself, but saw it often.

Abbey

 

[Suz]

Suz, what did the cops do when you called them?

They arrested him.

It was a different situation from yours, Kolleen in that Rob was still a minor at the time. He'd been in therapy for at least 10 years by then, his attitude was still sinking, he was shoplifting, had burglarized our neighbor's home on several occasions, was a PITB in school (oh, and let's not forget he was an occasional fire setter, too). We had exhausted all resources and the only viable one left was the juvenile justice system.

Fortunately, he was one of the lucky ones and he got a wonderful PO. "Saint Scott" as I called him, really went out on a limb a few times to obtain more services for Rob. He got him approved for longterm residential care at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then an additional year in a group home until he graduated from high school.

Rob was doomed before this happened. When he was released from probation two years later he still had to learn things the hard way. Heck, he was even homeless one PA winter- not a good thing. But he was the kind of kid who needed to learn everything the hard way.

I have no regrets over the decisions that were made even though they about killed me at the time.

Suz

 

[Abbey]

I should clarify...not exacltly how, but a small glass cigarette shaped tube is used typically to smoke what I know is crack. Some people call it crank, coke...whatever. I don't know the difference. It's usually about 1-2 inches long, clogged with junk. They have to continually clean it out.

Ok. How do I know this? From many parties I have DJ'd and watched it going on. I'm so stupid that I'm thinking...wow...that's a weird cigarette they're smoking.

I've seen a lot as a Vegas DJ, but this is very distinct. I didn't see anyone someone smoking something through that type of device that wasn't coke related, whatever the word is.

You can also tell a coke user that snorts, rather than the pipe, by their general nostrils. They constantly snuff up. That's a snorter. I can pick them out in a heart beat. One who smokes...much harder to find. It's all in the eyes. Their pupils are HUGE, and they have rapid behaviors.

So, if you found that 'pipe,'....don't know what to tell you other than be informed.

Abbey

 

[DammitJanet]

Uhhh...I agree with the others after I just read your second post with the description of the so called bong.

I grew up in the 70s and was a child of the drug era. I know what a bong is! I owned them, bought them...even made a few myself. None of them were the size of a cigarette lighter. Anything that small and made of glass is for something else I am afraid. Unless...was it ceramic and did it have say a screen someplace inside what looked like a bowl area to hold pot? We did have some smaller pipes that were carved out of either wood or ceramic material but they have a hollow bowl with a screen to keep the ash from being inhaled. Kinda like a pipe for tobacco. If it was a clear glass pipe with steel wool...that is crack or coke or one of the other C words.