taking a back seat!

[standswithcourage]

Thanks Barbara - you are by far very wise and your posts always bring me to tears! You can read my heart. I guess the only thing that I think about is WHY does he keep doing the same thing over and over - I know it is the disease, I guess - but sometimes that is what made me feel so guilty and that I was a bad mother because I know Itaught him better and he didnt listen or something! Thanks for helping me see what I need to do. I did write himi a heartfelt letter and Idid tell hiim I missed the son without the drugs. I know how you feel too. We will try and help each other. thanks :angel:

 

[standswithcourage]

I really am feeling low today. I broke down in Alanon tonight. I just get to feeling so sad and am trying to focus so much on getting through this - I keep strong for so long and then I just want to break down. I know I cant do anything but sit and wait but sometimes my mind goes back - to when they were children and everything seemed normal. I miss those times. I even miss my difficult child. I will miss him at Christmas. I wont mmiss all the uproar - not to say there wouldnt be any if he was here. My easy child son cant take anymore. I just wonder if my husband and difficult child would ever get along even if he was sober? Just a thought. I try and try to give all my burdens to God - it works until the thought comes in my head that I am afraid of my own emotions - of what will happen to me if he goes to prison - how will I handle it - how can I think it would ever help him - my circular thinking or stinking thinking is coming back! :hammer: