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<blockquote data-quote="beebz" data-source="post: 754720" data-attributes="member: 23451"><p>Lord have Mercy on us ... I feel you honey, I feel you. I''m not in danger of suicide or anything either. But my girlfriend put it to me like this, she was at her Dr's appointment when the Dr must have asked her if she was suicidal and this is/was her reply of which I adopted. I don't want to kill myself, but I am sick of this life.... me too... me too.....</p><p>My daddy caught me out in the garage this morning smoking. My dad lives with me and knows I smoke so I wasn't really "caught" but what I meant was; I have been avoiding my folks for many days now. Let me clarify, my folks built a "wing" on my house. We are separated by the garage. They pull in and go "right" into their home and I pull in and go "left" into mine. The separation was important to my sanity.</p><p>New years eve, when everyone in my home went to bed, I physically headed over to their "wing" to visit, three times, and all three times I didn't make it. I too, have become a hermit, and quite frankly, I'm fine with it. I keep trying to go over there to explain my behavior ,so ,dad running into me in the garage this afternoon was OK. I was sitting on the step, smoking, crying. He just walked over to me, wiped my tear from my right cheek and quietly hurt with me. He has been through hell . He is 90. His son (my brother) is dead from the drug life, as is my sister, as is her son. I am all they have left and they watch me like a hawk. Its hard because they suffocate me. They really do watch every move I make and tell me certain things I do is dangerous (I'm a tomboy still at 58) but I beg God every day for patience dealing with them. My mom is simply mean and dad lost 85% of his hearing so I'm constantly having to talk loud, repeat etc and get very very mad at him. He DOES have hearing aids ..... but..... lets not go there... lol... </p><p>This is my social place also. Usually my husband and granddaughters are over my shoulder so I only write when they are at work or school. I feel so disrespectful to the replies, prayers, thoughts advice and the like here that I get and do not respond to because this place is wonderful. It really is. If you want to be heard, listened to, cyber hugged and relieved, this is the place.</p><p>Thinking of you today darling - and hoping for some relief for you, and maybe even some fun n'games in your day.</p><p>Hugs ~beebz</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="beebz, post: 754720, member: 23451"] Lord have Mercy on us ... I feel you honey, I feel you. I''m not in danger of suicide or anything either. But my girlfriend put it to me like this, she was at her Dr's appointment when the Dr must have asked her if she was suicidal and this is/was her reply of which I adopted. I don't want to kill myself, but I am sick of this life.... me too... me too..... My daddy caught me out in the garage this morning smoking. My dad lives with me and knows I smoke so I wasn't really "caught" but what I meant was; I have been avoiding my folks for many days now. Let me clarify, my folks built a "wing" on my house. We are separated by the garage. They pull in and go "right" into their home and I pull in and go "left" into mine. The separation was important to my sanity. New years eve, when everyone in my home went to bed, I physically headed over to their "wing" to visit, three times, and all three times I didn't make it. I too, have become a hermit, and quite frankly, I'm fine with it. I keep trying to go over there to explain my behavior ,so ,dad running into me in the garage this afternoon was OK. I was sitting on the step, smoking, crying. He just walked over to me, wiped my tear from my right cheek and quietly hurt with me. He has been through hell . He is 90. His son (my brother) is dead from the drug life, as is my sister, as is her son. I am all they have left and they watch me like a hawk. Its hard because they suffocate me. They really do watch every move I make and tell me certain things I do is dangerous (I'm a tomboy still at 58) but I beg God every day for patience dealing with them. My mom is simply mean and dad lost 85% of his hearing so I'm constantly having to talk loud, repeat etc and get very very mad at him. He DOES have hearing aids ..... but..... lets not go there... lol... This is my social place also. Usually my husband and granddaughters are over my shoulder so I only write when they are at work or school. I feel so disrespectful to the replies, prayers, thoughts advice and the like here that I get and do not respond to because this place is wonderful. It really is. If you want to be heard, listened to, cyber hugged and relieved, this is the place. Thinking of you today darling - and hoping for some relief for you, and maybe even some fun n'games in your day. Hugs ~beebz [/QUOTE]
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