The gift of acceptance of what is

[BusynMember]

I was having a earlier life flashback triggered by my father's death. Seemed like my whole family of origin life flashed before my eyes, which had not happened for such a long time. I even shamefully looked at my sister's page again, just once and not since.

A wise spiritual therapist I see, who is not my regular therapist, somehow got through to me that the only way to get back to that content place I had been in for so long is acceptance....with forgiveness and love and gratitude. Gratitude is very important too.

Acceptance means, I can't change the past. I can't stop what anybody thinks about me in the present. It is 100 percent out of my hands. It means I can't trust my sister to never call the cops on me if we talked, just by my wishing that she would realize it was wrong. And getting angry/resentful won't help me one bit.

What is is. I like that saying. It brings calmness to me. BUT....

I can love the sister I had fun with, the limited but definite good times, although the love must be from afar. I can accept that she is going to think negatively about me and I can just accept this, disagree with her, but move on; not care about the opinion. I can accept that none of my family of origin felt good about me because the truth MUST be accepted and this did happen and can not be undone. Acceptance is calming and productive to my mental health. And I think it may help yours too. Fighting what is is pointless.

After talking to this man, his wisdom just kicked in and I walked out of there with a new attitude, and things are quickly moving back to my normal. I can't bring my Dad back, but the grief is not as bad now. I do feel I was wronged in many ways by my original family, but I can't change one incident. I accept that it was my role to be the family villan, but I also accept that I know that I am a good person, did not allow them to define me and accept that this is really irrelevant now. And in many ways, it made me stronger.So why get tied up in knots because of it?? That will hurt only myself.

Now I am back to looking forward to the future... From this weekend''s family celebration for Jumpers graduation and new job, to my husband's retirement, to buying a house, to my new super cool/kind group of friends I have found, and, best of all, to that wonderful traveling that will start in 2019 January.

I am very sorry that I vented my worst here. But everything is on the way up now.

Acceptance is the key to forgiveness, love, and being capable of moving on again. Acceptance is incredibly powerful and not always easy. But it is a great sanity saver. And acceptance brings peace.

Thanks to all of you who listened. I expect everything to go back to that calm and peaceful place from now on.

 

[Dory]

Hello,
I don't want to be negative but you are like most of us,
It is a very hard task to EXCEPT.
THE PAST.
I am fried in the head as well,

As we here are so often engulfed buy our past.
We can not change the past. The past will bring us down.

We have to move forward with our thoughts,

Or

Be suffocated .

 

[BusynMember]

Dory, thank you for answering with your thoughts.

All of us are different though and while I have relapses of memory, when I have had a bad experience with this or, as in this time, a painful death, I am perhaps lucky that my life is truly very good. I do have the ability to accept even the stuff I wish I could change. Most of the time I don't even think about the bad stuff and right now I am back to acceptance again. I am at peace.

My trigger is only having contact with my family of origin,but that isn't going to happen again now thattmy father has passed. I am very good about doing what is best for myself. That is how I came so far.

I think accepting even unpleasant things, that already happened or that are out of our control, is healthy. At least it is for me.

Everyone handles these things differently. Acceptance and avoiding triggers are very good for me.

Dory, I truly hope you find your way to peace. Is your user name after the cute fish in Saving Dory? Love that movie. Saw it many times with my little granddaughter.

 

[Dory]

Hey,
That was such well,controlled,confident reply. Thankyou

Yes I am Dory from Nemo though.
There is a lot of pain in my heart.
I do believe if I master acceptance of what has been, I will be able to live for the moment.

Thankyou for your time and your time with others

Dory

 

[BusynMember]

I loved that movie and also Finding Nemo.

I appreciate your thoughts. Look,we can't erase our old pain like it never happened. And we can't stop negative thoughts about NOW all the time, until we have grieved it and are ready for it to recede. Nobody is so perfect as to just never get triggered again.

The things we can do are what works best to keep the past and painful parts of the present in a new perspective.

"Nothing chAnges if nothing changes."

This method is giving me sudden relief and peace after being triggered. Like an addict I will always be vulnerable to certain triggers and it is up to me to learn coping skills.

I shared because it really worked well for me. Accepting what is. Or what was.

Everyone has his,/her own methods that work best for them. Thanks again.