The hits just keep coming...

[PatriotsGirl]

She did take the picture down pretty quickly. But, I have thought about it and her, and I could be freaking out for absolutely nothing. It would be very much like her to post someone else's positive test and pass it off as her own. Judging from her post last night, I am thinking he did not choose her. Still don't know if she told him she is pregnant. But, we should now find out if there really is a pregnancy. Remember when she supposedly was leaving for Californa? Yeah, that lie was because of another guy..

If she is and it is true, I have to admit that I have major mixed feelings. I have always said she couldn't handle a baby and no way, etc, but this could be my grandchild. For some reason I am feeling a bit strong about that and I never thought I would to be honest. Just very, very mixed feelings....

 

[exhausted]

OH PG I am so sorry. My greatest nighmare as well. I agree that you need to know for sure. I like Signora's post very much. She needs to get clean ASAP. I have seen many, many hopeless cases suddenly get better when they have children. They don't love themselves enough but, a baby, they will change for. I am praying for you both and I agree that if she is pregnant, a lot changes and you will have to look at your strong feelings and where they lead you.

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))

I hope it is just a manipulation to try to get ahole to choose her. I am glad she gave him the ultimatum and didn't tell him about the baby first. Even if it is true, having a baby never fixed ANY relationship.

I pray that the right outcome is what happens here. If she keeps the baby and continues to use, I would turn her in to the police. I know how hard that sounds, but often the cops will charge a pregnant woman and a judge will be harder on them, even enforce jail time, to try to help get and keep them clean for the baby's sake. A lot depends on the state and the particular cops/judges, but it has happened. I hope that having a baby, if she chooses that, is what she needs to get her act together.

if she is pregnant and is not willing to get clean, then you need to try to force rehab or jail time. Recent research strongly suggests that even as single hit of meth can cause long term neurodevelopmental problems in a fetus - low birth weight, cleft palate, and many other serious problems. This research (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/07/050727063759.htm) shows that a fetal brain reacts very differently to meth than an adult brain. In the words of the scientist, the fetal brain is 'exquisitely sensitive' at ALL stages of development.

I hope that hearing information like that, and knowing that her baby will pay every minute of his life for her drug use, is enough to get her to accept professional help. This might be the time to do a professional intervention. If you choose to do an intervention, please hire a professional to help you. This is NOT something to DIY. The stakes are just too high for an innocent baby.

You and she and the baby are in my prayers.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I am so sorry PG, my prayers go out to your and your difficult child.

 

[rejectedmom]

I understand your mixed emotions. I was in a similar place a year ago. I still do not know if my difficult child's baby was real or a hoax on his girlfriend's part, but was so relieved that it didn't happen. Hugs to you. I am hoping for the best possible outcome. -RM

 

[Elsieshaye]

Sending you the best vibes I have. I literally had a nightmare about this a couple of weeks ago regarding my difficult child and his girlfriend, and can absolutely understand the mixed emotions.

 

[exhausted]

Any news PG? Are you ok?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Hi - thank you for asking - no, nothing confirmed, yet. She has a follow up tomorrow with the surgeon that she asked me for a ride to (admitted that she was not responsible enough to get herself there). I told her we will also go take a test to confirm whether she is pregnant or not. She says, mom, I got sick two days in a row but not yesterday so that must mean I am not, right? Ugh. No, that is not what it means at all. She also told me that she knows I went through hades for her and she wanted me to know how very much she appreciates it. It is nice to hear those things once in a while...

Anyhow, she is STILL with A hole. When they are not together, they are texting. He bought her a new touch screen phone. I have no idea what the other girlfriend is thinking. He is obviously not spending a whole lot of time with her. Her posts on Facebook used to be all happy and bubbly and lately she has been barely posting and when she does, they are not happy and bubbly. So, who knows what is going on. As toxic as he and difficult child are together, they are obviously emotionally tied and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't know if he knows about the possible pregnancy yet. I guess I will find out a lot more info out tomorrow morning...

If she is pregnant and she wants to have it, she will NEED to go to treatment immediately. There is just no other choice in the matter. It wouldn't be about her anymore.

I am trying NOT to stress about her problems and jump back into MY life. husband and I are boat shopping and we think we found one we love. Hopefully, I will be spending my Mother's Day on the lake!!

 

[recoveringenabler]

PG, thinking about you and your difficult child and sending warm thoughts and caring prayers. Hugs to you. I hope you find the boat you want and spend your Mother's Day on the lake relaxing, you deserve a calm and peaceful day.

 

[exhausted]

Thank you for the update. I hope she is not pregnant. I also hope you find out some more today so you know where things are headed. Take care of yourself.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Most definitely pregnant. I knew as soon as I saw her - her breasts have swelled and that is a dead give away. She wouldn't let me take her to the OBGYN, because that is something she wants to do with him. I get that. She knows she has a major decision to make. She knows she has to either get clean and have the baby or terminate it and continue being a drug addict loser. She does have a clarity I have not heard before from her. She was honest and said she isn't positive what she wants to do. She admits drugging has been such a part of her life for so long. I explained treatment teaches you how to live with out it and can detox her safely.
It is her decision to make. I cannot make it for her. I can only give advice. I am thinking they may end up having the baby. A hole is positively thrilled about it and they are already discussing names. But, he still has her tucked away as the other woman and paying rent for her to have a place to stay and she is telling him that she needs more than just a "baby daddy". So, it is a very hard situation for her to be in. I told her I will support her decision no matter what she chooses. If she chooses to have this baby, I stressed to her, she HAS to get clean.
She is very open about telling people she is pregnant. She came right out and told the surgeon. Ugh. Anyhow, surgeon gave her an A on taking care of her wound. She has been doing it herself and he said she has been doing a really good job. That was good to hear.
I can honestly say, as SAD as it is, that pregnancy seems to agree with her. She was nice to everyone, pleasant, respectful and had a glow about her. Time will tell what is going to happen. I gave her the names of three OBGYNs near her and told her she has to make an appointment.

UGH. SUCH mixed feelings right now....

 

[AnnieO]

Ohhh PG.

I can only imagine how you are feeling right now... And I really really hope she gets it together. I'm pretzeling and praying and bead rattling and Bean is doing little nekkid dances because even Bean wants your grandchild to be healthy - and loved and wanted. (The heck with A-hole boyfriend.)

I hope hope hope she does go to the OB, and SOON, because the child needs proper prenatal care... Especially with the situation.

More for you hon.

 

[recoveringenabler]

PG thanks for the update, you've been in my thoughts lately. I can't imagine how ambivalent you must feel, that alone is stressful. Your daughter must feel that same ambivalence. Yikes. You did a good job of supporting her and talking to her about her options. Perhaps this will either be a wake up call, an opportunity for her to scrutinize her lifestyle and/or for the two of you to stand on the same bridge and come to a new understanding since she may begin to 'get' what it feels like to be a mother.

 

[Nancy]

Oh PG what a serious situation. I hope she makes her decision not based on a hole, but that's probably not going to happen. We both know he may be thrilled now but that will fade fast. Yu're right, if she is going to go through with the pregnancy she needs to get clean and stay celean...not just for these nine months but forever. This baby deserves to have a drug free mother. I know from my difficult child that they think with their hearts instead of their heads at this point, they think a baby will be what makes them happy, without looking forward or being realistic. But you are right, it is her decision and all you can do is give her advice.

I'm thinking of you and hoping that no matter choice she makes you can all make peace with it.
Nancy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Perhaps this will either be a wake up call, an opportunity for her to scrutinize her lifestyle and/or for the two of you to stand on the same bridge and come to a new understanding since she may begin to 'get' what it feels like to be a mother.

She told me today that I am a really good person, a great mom and I did the absolute best I could with her. She also said I was the sh*t...lmao. Despite the circumstances, it really was a great morning with her. Even the surgeon remarked how different she seemed...I cherish these times because I know how differently it could have gone. She was actually receptive to everything I had to say today and that is NOT normal. She impressed me with her maturity and honesty about everything. Now, I guess there is nothing more I can do. I have to let her decide what she wants to do and take it from there. I told her she did not have much time to make her decision, though...

 

[Calamity Jane]

I've got a feeling that she's overwhelmed with joy because a-hole seems to be happy about the situation. Her mental state is dependent upon a-hole's acceptance and his point of view. What if a-hole does a 180 and she's in her second trimester? Her whole identity is caught up in a-hole's perspective of things. If he's OK with it, she's OK with it. She is setting herself up for a roller coaster ride of her lifetime and they're taking a baby on that ride, too. She's going to have to walk on eggshells just to please this guy, otherwise she runs the risk of being abandoned. That's a tricky way to live your life, and I hope she takes that into consideration. It's so hard, even under the best circumstances.

 

[Signorina]

She told me today that I am a really good person, a great mom and I did the absolute best I could with her. She also said I was the sh*t...lmao. Despite the circumstances, it really was a great morning with her. Even the surgeon remarked how different she seemed...I cherish these times because I know how differently it could have gone. She was actually receptive to everything I had to say today and that is NOT normal. She impressed me with her maturity and honesty about everything. Now, I guess there is nothing more I can do. I have to let her decide what she wants to do and take it from there. I told her she did not have much time to make her decision, though...

I will join you in hoping for the best. I know how nice it is to see those glimmers of the easy child within the difficult child. Let's hope the flame catches hold.

 

[lovemysons]

Patriotsgirl,
Had no idea you were going through all of this.
Another here hoping your daughter will make the right decisions for herself and her baby.

Maybe picking up some prenatal vitamins for her to start taking will help reinforce the reality of being responsible for her body in a healthy way. Maybe even looking into some kind of parenting classes would help too??? Just thinking.

Prayers and good thoughts coming your way, PG. So true...finding out you are going to be a grandmother should be a blessed event not a scare.
Hugs,
LMS

 

[Ephchap]

PG, I'm sending support your way as well. It's scary when our difficult child's can't take care of themselves and then an even greater worry when there is another life being brought into that world.

Hugs to you,
Deb

 

[exhausted]

PG-I am really sorry. I truelly hopes she has stopped using. The worst damage is being done now in the first term. If she doesn't get clean, have you considered calling family services to see if they can help? And I fear her attachment to A-hole is really a lose-lose situation. Nothing you can do I know. I hope something gets clear for you. I am praying. (((Hugs)))