The latest on our rollercoaster ride....

[toughlovin]

Well I went out to dinner with a good friend and i said something like he is leaving me hanging.... cause I havent heard any more from him so he is probably sleeping on the beach tonight.... her point was and its true he is not leaving me hanging because he is not thinking about me!!! Grrrr..... so I am resisting texting him and asking him what is going on. I know I just have to wait... when he needs me to pay for something he will call me I am sure.

I have decided that when he does go some place I am going to have to say to him that this is his last chance, that we cannot keep doing this. If he gets kicked out of the next place for using then that is it. He will have to really discover what life is like if you cant give up drugs. I think I at some point am also going to ask what are you willing to give up to keep gettinng high?

So I had a good time with my friend. My husband is out... and I am going to curl up with a good distracting mystery I am reading and just wait and let go as much as i can. At least I know he can survive sleeping on the beach.

And no I will not refill his grocery card next week if he is still on the beach. Maybe I will look up that book on dumpster diving and suggest he see if it is in the library!!

TL

 

[Nancy]

I am resisting with all my strength texting difficult child and asking how long she is going to continue the charade of going to meetings and lying to her sober friends. So we will stay strong together.

One of the things I just read in that book is that we have the expectation that they feel the same way we do about things, and we are disappointed to find out they don't think like we do and they don't care about things we care about.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

TL,

Sending you positive thoughts and the courage to do whatever you feel is right. Praying your difficult child is being honest and things improve.

 

[toughlovin]

Yes we will stay strong together....i should go back and reread that book....i read it mostly on the plane and too quickly i think. Either my difficult child got in somewhere and hasnt let us know yet or he didnt like his options and iis out partying somewhere....i really think if he had gotten in some where or was feeling miserable and desperate he would have called us! So he is probably doing something he doewnt want to tell us.

TL

 

[pinevalley]

TL::
Stay strong, and try to relax and enjoy your quiet night tonight. You deserve to have a peaceful night, and not to have to worry about difficult child for a little bit. HUGS...

 

[toughlovin]

Well back to checking phone records to make sure he is still alive....and feeling mad that he does not have the curtesy to keep us updated! I do better when i am a bit mad at him rather than sad for him. I wonder if he has already soldthe bike we got him?

I am sorry so many of us are dealing with relapsing difficult children.

TL

 

[lovemysons]

Oh TL,
I am SO sorry to hear of the latest re your difficult child.

I understand about being mad instead of sad. When I am mad I am thinking about what is best for me (usually after feeling "used" by difficult child) but when I am sad I am thinking about all the many ways I can help difficult child, stop difficult child from using, etc. And the truth is...
We are not responsible for our difficult child's sobriety, EVER.
I know that can be so very difficult to accept. But your difficult child has been exposed to the "solution". He has had drug treatment and sober house support system, etc. He knows where the help is. Sometimes that is the best of our best ya know. Just to be able to point them in that direction...as we can't walk the walk for them, open their eyes to see or force them to look clearly at themselves.

I am sorry your difficult child is at this "fork in the road" Again!
We want so much for them to once and for all care about their lives enough to stick with the program.

They have to get brutally honest with themselves..."To thine own self be true" and really see for themselves/be convinced for themselves. All the ways that we would like to own/take responsibility for their sobriety are in vain...as the decision for our difficult child's to use or not to use is completely out of our control and always has been no matter what comforts or discomforts are in their lives at any given point.

It is so hard to live like this as their parents. I know. I understand what the "waiting" is all about, sigh.

Caring thoughts,
LMS

 

[susiestar]

TL, just want to send (((((hugs))))). I am sorry this is so tough.

 

[Nancy]

Me too TL. I just checked cell phone records this morning to make sure she was alive.

Hugs,
Nancy

 

[rejectedmom]

Ug, wouldn't it be nice to ride the merry-go-ound for a change???

 

[Kathy813]

I actually think that getting mad is good. It helps us stay stronger when dealing with our difficult children. We have every right to be angry at their choices and behavior because it affects us, too.

Just my 2 cents.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

I am truly thinking about you and I honestly think that contacting Dr Phil isnt a bad idea. Your difficult child might be a good idea. I actually contacted him one time about Cory and got an answer back but we didnt meet the exact criteria of what they were looking for because Cory was already past juvenile justice. They were looking for kids who were still under 18 and dealing with the court system. Cory was 20 so I was hoping being under 21 might make him eligible. Plus the fact that he had experience with the Department of Juvenile Justice system.

Because Dr Phil does so many shows on addiction these days, I would really contact him.