The trip is gone

[carolanne]

Yep, easy child#1 has lost her grad trip....there goes $300 :crying:

She had been painting her bedroom window which is something I don't have a problem with as it washes off easily. Anyway, she left a cup full of brushes and water and the painttray in the bathroom after rinsing them....and left paint all over my just cleaned sink and counter. I didn't notice this until giving the baby a bath so by then it had dried on.

I told her she had to clean it as she had messed it up....so she's standing there, half heartedly wiping at it, making a bigger mess and I told her it had to be done the way I would do it....and she throws water at me and smirks.....I asked her not to do that as it was disrespectful and she called me a nasty word under her breath....

I took the baby out of the tub and said that's it, you were warned, no trip and left the room.

At midnight I was in there scraping paint off and just miserable...this morning she said she would just leave and go to the place with gfgd and I said go ahead I am not giving in on this. She muttered all morning until leaving for school, than has the nerve to pop her head into the kitchen and say "love you mommy"....by the way she NEVER calls me mommy unless she wants something :rofl:

I did call the school and have her removed from the trip so tonight at dinner should be quite the showdown....except I am not caving in this time....

Carolanne

 

[Suz]

Carolanne,

Was her being able to go on the trip contingent upon cleaning up after herself? I'm not sure I follow the connection of taking away the trip for that bad attitude.


<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">has the nerve to pop her head into the kitchen and say "love you mommy"....by the way she NEVER calls me mommy unless she wants something </div></div>

Yep- sounds familiar. :hammer:

Suz

 

[Sue C]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Was her being able to go on the trip contingent upon cleaning up after herself? I'm not sure I follow the connection of taking away the trip for that bad attitude.
</div></div>

I am in agreement with Suz. As I read your post, I wondered if the trip was contingent on cleaning up.

We took away Angela's school band trip to Florida when we found out she was using drugs. She was very upset and quit band (finished out the semester but didn't sign up for the next year).

sue

 

[PonyGirl]

I'm guessing going on the trip was contingent on difficult child being respectful. Splashing water and smirking is not respectful. Calling your mother a nasty name isn't respectful, either.

Sorry, Carolanne! Wondering how the showdown went? (((HUGS))) and stick to your guns!

Peace

 

[Stella Johnson]

I don't think she meant the trip was contingent on cleaning up the mess. The trip was already planned but she was being disrespectful.

I don't blame you for taking it away. I know I would have.

How did dinner time go today?

Steph

 

[KFld]

I'm here wondering how it went also????

 

[ScentofCedar]

Me, too.

And I would add that difficult child was testing, and that Carolanne had to respond as she did, or the battle would only have come up in the same way again.

Far more important to establish the guideline and stick to it than for difficult child to go on a field trip.

difficult child's weapon was the same weapon our difficult child kids always employ. They know we love them and want good things for them, and they bet we will fold for their sakes.

You did the right thing, Carolanne.

Barbara

 

[Suz]

It's quite possible that one of the conditions of being able to go on the trip was maintaining a good attitude. That's why I asked.

I know with Rob, when something like this came up we outlined what he needed to do/and couldn't do if he wanted to participate in special events such as dances, dating, trips, things like that. We had almost everything in writing by the time he turned 16 to cover all bases and "natural consequences." It didn't cure anything but it kept everyone knowing what the rules and consequences were from the get-go.

Suz

 

[Sue C]

I reread carolann's post and noticed that when she was talking to her daughter she said "you were warned, no trip..." I missed that the first reading. Sorry about that. At any rate, stick to your guns. If you warned her and told her no trip, do not let her go on the trip.

Sue

 

[carolanne]

Because I've been putting up with the girls' nastiness and the outh, I had told them they will lose, including any trips/outings already paid for so she knew what she was losing and why.

I have a rule that allows them to go toe to toe with me as long as it's respectful on both our parts...no name calling, no rudeness, no screaming or yelling....

No, dinner did not go well at all...she boycotted and three hours later came down and demanded a meal...I said the bread was in the fridge and peanut butter in the cupboard. She demanded the same thing we had(fried chicken, spuds, salad,dessert) and I said dinner is ALWAYS at 6pm which you are aware of and if you chose not to join us, you may eat bread and butter....she huffed off and started picking at the baby and her sister and I sent her to her room for the night where she proceeded to throw stuff around.

When I went up an hour later, I handed her a garbage bag and said bag everthing that is now broken and I will speak with you in the morning.....and went to bed.

She's different this morning....all quiet and watching me....I told her that anything that was broken is her responsibility to replace should she want to but not to expect it as a gift on birthday which is coming up(she trashed her stereo!!!!! :slap:) I am pasting a smile on my face and going on with my day.....and not giving one little inch on this one.

Carolanne

 

[Sunlight]

sounds like you are implementing some toughlove. sounds like you have to.

hope things improve!

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I had told them they will lose, including any trips/outings already paid for so she knew what she was losing and why. </div></div>

Good job making this clear from the outset...and then having the strength to follow through. :thumb:

Suz