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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751697" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This therapist is pissing me off. Werewolves? Ghosts? Husband bipolar?</p><p></p><p>If she cannot keep adequate records, forget about it.</p><p></p><p>Okay. This is what I think.</p><p></p><p>This is reminding me some of my son. Who wants total control and independence, but wants <u>us</u> to take total responsibility for when he falls short.</p><p></p><p>I guess this is the reality of things. If your daughter is completely a dependent, financially, and she is not emancipating beyond going to college 2 days a week, then, you can look at it two ways. (Except I don't understand why you have any financial liability or responsibility, at her age.) One You could decide to let her have some responsibility to handle her choice of therapist, and what goes with it, including the financial arrangements, and then work with her to make a plan and implement it. The other way to look at this could be: you have the authority and right to make the decision about the therapist, given that you are controlling all of the money, and to you will accrue the liability if insurance and claims are screwed up. (But again, I don't see how this would be so. Unless you choose it.)</p><p></p><p>Do you have the right (or basis) to veto the therapist? You can look at this two ways too. You are a family working together as a unit. Financially and socially and emotionally you are interconnected. Your daughter is depending upon you to organize her affairs, and to provide for her, it seems. I think you could argue that because you have been involved with the therapist, you need to feel confidence, and have the sense that you can communicate with and rely on her therapist. And you and her Dad don't feel this confidence. That for you this therapist has already proven herself to be somebody you don't trust. But then again, your daughter is an adult.</p><p></p><p>The call is yours. You have the leverage, I think, to decide either way. Personally, if it were me I would try to move towards allowing her responsibility and autonomy.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would tell daughter what I think and feel outright. I would decide upon what side I will come down--giving daughter more confidence to handle things--or not. And I would tell her outright exactly why.</p><p></p><p>T<em>he therapist fouls up the billing. She believes in werewolves and ghosts. And I don't feel confident that she understands your issues, or how to help us as a family. Dad does not feel confidence in her. And I don't either. When you are independent and handle your own finances and arrangements you are free to choose somebody without our input. But because we have to be involved, we get a vote. </em></p><p></p><p>And then live with the consequences. If that is what you choose.</p><p></p><p>I think this is how you feel. If this is so. Then tell her outright. I would not lie to her. You have a right to have a say on things that impact upon you. If daughter is dependent upon you in every way, it can be argued she has to accept some guidance and some bottom line from you. It's up to you to decide how much.</p><p></p><p>What you have explained to me, is that daughter's affairs are not separate from you nor do you believe at this time they are separable. Then that is a reality. Unless you want to separate them, and she wants to separate them, they remain intertwined. I would face that. And I would say it. Why should you have to twist yourself up into a pretzel lying to her, about reality?</p><p></p><p>Unless you decide you want to change reality.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751697, member: 18958"] This therapist is pissing me off. Werewolves? Ghosts? Husband bipolar? If she cannot keep adequate records, forget about it. Okay. This is what I think. This is reminding me some of my son. Who wants total control and independence, but wants [U]us[/U] to take total responsibility for when he falls short. I guess this is the reality of things. If your daughter is completely a dependent, financially, and she is not emancipating beyond going to college 2 days a week, then, you can look at it two ways. (Except I don't understand why you have any financial liability or responsibility, at her age.) One You could decide to let her have some responsibility to handle her choice of therapist, and what goes with it, including the financial arrangements, and then work with her to make a plan and implement it. The other way to look at this could be: you have the authority and right to make the decision about the therapist, given that you are controlling all of the money, and to you will accrue the liability if insurance and claims are screwed up. (But again, I don't see how this would be so. Unless you choose it.) Do you have the right (or basis) to veto the therapist? You can look at this two ways too. You are a family working together as a unit. Financially and socially and emotionally you are interconnected. Your daughter is depending upon you to organize her affairs, and to provide for her, it seems. I think you could argue that because you have been involved with the therapist, you need to feel confidence, and have the sense that you can communicate with and rely on her therapist. And you and her Dad don't feel this confidence. That for you this therapist has already proven herself to be somebody you don't trust. But then again, your daughter is an adult. The call is yours. You have the leverage, I think, to decide either way. Personally, if it were me I would try to move towards allowing her responsibility and autonomy. If it were me, I would tell daughter what I think and feel outright. I would decide upon what side I will come down--giving daughter more confidence to handle things--or not. And I would tell her outright exactly why. T[I]he therapist fouls up the billing. She believes in werewolves and ghosts. And I don't feel confident that she understands your issues, or how to help us as a family. Dad does not feel confidence in her. And I don't either. When you are independent and handle your own finances and arrangements you are free to choose somebody without our input. But because we have to be involved, we get a vote. [/I] And then live with the consequences. If that is what you choose. I think this is how you feel. If this is so. Then tell her outright. I would not lie to her. You have a right to have a say on things that impact upon you. If daughter is dependent upon you in every way, it can be argued she has to accept some guidance and some bottom line from you. It's up to you to decide how much. What you have explained to me, is that daughter's affairs are not separate from you nor do you believe at this time they are separable. Then that is a reality. Unless you want to separate them, and she wants to separate them, they remain intertwined. I would face that. And I would say it. Why should you have to twist yourself up into a pretzel lying to her, about reality? Unless you decide you want to change reality. [/QUOTE]
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