I am sorry things have been so difficult with Bart. The court cases and constantly thinking you will lose your child are soul destroying. I am sure that Bart has very few coping skills to help him through this. He is very lucky to have you for a mom, SWOT. You have set boundaries but you haven't ever just cut him off. That is a mother's love!
He truly seems like he never developed past the stage of being an adolescent except in the way he understands that he needs to have a good job and work well for his employer.
One way you might get him to do better for himself is to approach it as how would his son be without him? He needs to do something about stress or he is going to have a heart attack, and then what will happen to his dear son when he isn't around any longer? Clearly he needs to find some ways to cope that are working better, and maybe seeing a therapist would help in the court cases. It would show that he is trying to be as healthy as possible and trying to learn to be the best dad he can be. If he isn't willing to even do this, does his son mean that much to him?
My brother often reacts with the "it won't work, how dare you even suggest it, how stupid/dumb/idiotic are you" whenever anything is suggested. We have learned to tell him that maybe whatever he is telling us is SOOOOO important maybe isn't that important if he won't even think about a new strategy when his old ones are not working. It took a whole lot of work (mostly not mine because I have too much fear to be around him when he starts getting belligerent) but after several years this has made some significant changes. It might help with your son too.
I hope that Bart can learn to manage his stress better. He may get a wakeup call from his body before much longer if he isn't careful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not someone with a child! Does he have plans for how he will handle custody of his child if he is hit iwth a heart attack or stroke? I had a migraine that they thought was a stroke and it was the scariest experience of my life. Your son needs to have a plan in place ahead of time, just so his ex doesn't get a leg up in the custody wars. Having a plan for his son means he is a father who thinks ahead of all the contingencies. This looks good to the courts.
