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Tryin to hang in.
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 745186" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>These are the hardest situations for me - when it feels like one more sacrifice on our part may be able to save them from a huge disaster, and withholding it feels so stingy or cruel. But SWOT is right. He’s not going to jail over $600. He would be going to jail (if it happens) as the culmination of a whole series of poor choices and decisions. Lacking the $600 he needs to keep himself out of jail is just the latest symptom of an ongoing problem in his life. Yes, it seems like he is trying right now - of course he is, he doesn’t want to go to jail. Without the Immediate threat of jail, would he be trying? And if he gets through this crisis, what will he do to ensure there is no next time? Will there be another crisis the next month, or the month after? And what will you do then? Keep throwing money at each one to prevent the looming disaster? </p><p></p><p>I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t be tempted to scrape the $600 together somehow in your shoes. I’ve been down that road before, and I understand how hard it is to say no. But looking back - it has almost never helped, long term. It always seems to end up with more money needed later, or the bad thing happening anyway even after I threw money at it. </p><p></p><p>In a way, not having it makes the decision much easier. You’ve told him clearly from the beginning you don’t have money for him. If you come up with it now, what does that tell him? That you were lying about not really having it? That if he begs hard enough he can get you to change your tune? </p><p></p><p>What would he do if you and your husband were no longer around to Ask? Where would he go then? Are there other options he’s not considering because asking mom is easy? </p><p></p><p>Don’t feel guilty for standing by your no. Especially since saying yes would harm you financially. You did not put him in this situation. And teaching him that you are always an option to come to for rescue is not the best lesson. I’m sorry it has come to this, but it is not your fault, or you’re responsibility.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 745186, member: 23349"] These are the hardest situations for me - when it feels like one more sacrifice on our part may be able to save them from a huge disaster, and withholding it feels so stingy or cruel. But SWOT is right. He’s not going to jail over $600. He would be going to jail (if it happens) as the culmination of a whole series of poor choices and decisions. Lacking the $600 he needs to keep himself out of jail is just the latest symptom of an ongoing problem in his life. Yes, it seems like he is trying right now - of course he is, he doesn’t want to go to jail. Without the Immediate threat of jail, would he be trying? And if he gets through this crisis, what will he do to ensure there is no next time? Will there be another crisis the next month, or the month after? And what will you do then? Keep throwing money at each one to prevent the looming disaster? I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t be tempted to scrape the $600 together somehow in your shoes. I’ve been down that road before, and I understand how hard it is to say no. But looking back - it has almost never helped, long term. It always seems to end up with more money needed later, or the bad thing happening anyway even after I threw money at it. In a way, not having it makes the decision much easier. You’ve told him clearly from the beginning you don’t have money for him. If you come up with it now, what does that tell him? That you were lying about not really having it? That if he begs hard enough he can get you to change your tune? What would he do if you and your husband were no longer around to Ask? Where would he go then? Are there other options he’s not considering because asking mom is easy? Don’t feel guilty for standing by your no. Especially since saying yes would harm you financially. You did not put him in this situation. And teaching him that you are always an option to come to for rescue is not the best lesson. I’m sorry it has come to this, but it is not your fault, or you’re responsibility. [/QUOTE]
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