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Tryin to hang in.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745210" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What I have learned on this forum is to factor myself into the equation. The effects on me. Somehow I had ignored this factor: the costs to me.</p><p></p><p>It is not so much I learned this here. It is that I observed the result of years of ignoring me. How I was an empty shell of myself. Desperate. My strengths had melted down into a puddle. My life had become contingent upon that which I did not control. Chaos.</p><p></p><p>We live like this when our sole (soul) focus comes to be the betterment or salvation of our child. It is a kind of soul death for us. We become collateral damage. This matters.</p><p></p><p>You matter. I matter.</p><p></p><p>I realized i do not help my child by depleting, starving myself. He has the resources to feed, to guard, to nourish, to maintain, to protect, to guide himself. Or if he does not, he can seek and find support. His purpose, the meaning of his life is not mine to determine. His lessons are not mine to teach.</p><p></p><p>I have my own lessons to learn. My own life and life force to nourish and protect and understand. </p><p></p><p>The results we have control over are located in ourselves. The consequences to our children are their teachers. </p><p></p><p>It is very very hard to watch them suffer. Yes. But how is it that we come to ignore our own suffering? The costs to us?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745210, member: 18958"] What I have learned on this forum is to factor myself into the equation. The effects on me. Somehow I had ignored this factor: the costs to me. It is not so much I learned this here. It is that I observed the result of years of ignoring me. How I was an empty shell of myself. Desperate. My strengths had melted down into a puddle. My life had become contingent upon that which I did not control. Chaos. We live like this when our sole (soul) focus comes to be the betterment or salvation of our child. It is a kind of soul death for us. We become collateral damage. This matters. You matter. I matter. I realized i do not help my child by depleting, starving myself. He has the resources to feed, to guard, to nourish, to maintain, to protect, to guide himself. Or if he does not, he can seek and find support. His purpose, the meaning of his life is not mine to determine. His lessons are not mine to teach. I have my own lessons to learn. My own life and life force to nourish and protect and understand. The results we have control over are located in ourselves. The consequences to our children are their teachers. It is very very hard to watch them suffer. Yes. But how is it that we come to ignore our own suffering? The costs to us? [/QUOTE]
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