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Parent Emeritus
Trying to back off, mostly succeeding
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752460" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I tried to get Kay a shot in high school and after, but she wouldn't and said it was none of my business. My husband and I sat her down and told her that we will not care for her baby if she has one and I know we sounded firm. It's one thing we did right. We are aging and had health problems even in our 50s. Kay took us seriously and actually got the shot and then she ran off and married her dysfunctional boyfriend Lee and they are shockingly still married. It is not a sane marriage.</p><p></p><p>None the less, Kay eventually had my grandson and we would not care for him full time but we paid the bills. Until we got fed up and stopped.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is 33 and she and Lee are behind in rent and face eviction. If they become homeless we and our daughter Amy are willing to fight to get the toddler in my sane daughter's care. That drives Kay nuts as she has a real problem with her "perfect" sister, but this is our plan. Our daughter is young and a good mother. We are.old and Jaden needs a younger caregiver.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps it would help to tell your daughter that.if she gets pregnant you will not pick her up or help. if she actually gives birth you can change your mind about caring for the baby and even go for custody but your daughter is an adult and you don't need to care for her too.</p><p></p><p>We can not control our kids. Period. I would not badger your daughter. It may turn her rebellious as our difficult kids are so immature and she may get pregnant to spite you. I have not heard or seen that pushing defiant adults does any good. Only she can decide to protect herself. Or not. I would sit her down once then back off.</p><p></p><p>If God is in your life, I send my prayers to you and your daughter. This is very hard. Have you ever gone to Al Anon? I love it. Even if you feel your daughter takes ho drugs, including alcohol or pit, the twelve steps in my opinion help anyone. We also are in therapy and have managed to detach from our daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752460, member: 23706"] I tried to get Kay a shot in high school and after, but she wouldn't and said it was none of my business. My husband and I sat her down and told her that we will not care for her baby if she has one and I know we sounded firm. It's one thing we did right. We are aging and had health problems even in our 50s. Kay took us seriously and actually got the shot and then she ran off and married her dysfunctional boyfriend Lee and they are shockingly still married. It is not a sane marriage. None the less, Kay eventually had my grandson and we would not care for him full time but we paid the bills. Until we got fed up and stopped. My daughter is 33 and she and Lee are behind in rent and face eviction. If they become homeless we and our daughter Amy are willing to fight to get the toddler in my sane daughter's care. That drives Kay nuts as she has a real problem with her "perfect" sister, but this is our plan. Our daughter is young and a good mother. We are.old and Jaden needs a younger caregiver. Perhaps it would help to tell your daughter that.if she gets pregnant you will not pick her up or help. if she actually gives birth you can change your mind about caring for the baby and even go for custody but your daughter is an adult and you don't need to care for her too. We can not control our kids. Period. I would not badger your daughter. It may turn her rebellious as our difficult kids are so immature and she may get pregnant to spite you. I have not heard or seen that pushing defiant adults does any good. Only she can decide to protect herself. Or not. I would sit her down once then back off. If God is in your life, I send my prayers to you and your daughter. This is very hard. Have you ever gone to Al Anon? I love it. Even if you feel your daughter takes ho drugs, including alcohol or pit, the twelve steps in my opinion help anyone. We also are in therapy and have managed to detach from our daughter. [/QUOTE]
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